UPDATE: I (32F) got broken up with tonight by someone (29M) I thought I was gonna go the distance with, and I guess I just needed to tell someone?

This update provides a new chapter in the story of an unexpectedly ended relationship. Following a heartfelt breakup message, the narrative reveals how a once-promising bond crumbled when the ex-partner admitted he used her for companionship until he no longer felt the need. This revelation not only shatters the illusion of everlasting connection but also forces an honest reexamination of what love and commitment truly mean in a modern relationship.

The account digs deeper into the emotional residue left behind—a mix of cherished memories and the sting of betrayal. With the return of symbolic keepsakes like a house key and a meaningful gift, every detail becomes a reminder of the intimacy that has been abruptly withdrawn. As the community and experts weigh in on the fallout, this update invites readers to explore how one might begin to rebuild trust and redefine personal boundaries after such a gut-wrenching loss.

For those who want to read the previous part: I (32F) got broken up with tonight by someone (29M) I thought I was gonna go the distance with, and I guess I just needed to tell someone?

‘UPDATE: I (32F) got broken up with tonight by someone (29M) I thought I was gonna go the distance with, and I guess I just needed to tell someone?’

Yesterday, I noticed the key to his house that he had given me early on in our relationship, so of course I was very sad thinking of how close we had been and how much he had seemingly wanted me to be part of his life. Then, I noticed something special of his that his mom had given to me, that I didn't feel comfortable just throwing away.

I broke no contact to ask if he wanted it back, and let him know that his key was in the mail. He responded and said I could get rid of it. Knowing that he was looking at his phone, I ventured even further across the no contact line to let him know that this was so hard for me, since he had played an equal part in how close we were, and driven the relationship just as much as I had.

Then he put up an emotional wall and ditched me without a real reason.. His response?

It gave me what I need to never look back and fully know that I would never ever go back to someone who is so emotionally out of touch with themselves. Someone who could do that to someone. But it also is making me question people. We were good partners, and took care of each other.

We never bickered and enjoyed our time together, and he just pulled the rug out from under me and revealed an incredibly selfish person. Who was I even dating? As much as I want to tell him how selfish he is, I think he knows. When I responded, I told him

I do appreciate the honesty.

Update 1: I want to be clear that I wasn’t looking for any specific answer, or to rekindle things. I was looking for ANY reason that would make this easier to process and move on. Thanks so much for all the comments so far. ❤️

Update 2: I in no way feel that I was manipulated. The original post was written 30 minutes after being dumped; the 2nd after 2 weeks of reflection. He is a good guy, and a decent human being. His parents have a really fucked up marriage and that has to affect his view. Either way, he clearly told me with his actions that he didn't want to be with me.

My brain was stuck on his words. We talked about futures. He called me legs after ONE DATE because he felt like it was

This update shines a light on the painful reality of abrupt emotional withdrawal. Experts note that when one partner confesses that the relationship was merely a means to an end, it can destabilize a person’s entire emotional landscape. Such revelations force individuals to confront the imbalance between giving and receiving that can exist even in seemingly ideal relationships.

Relationship therapist Dr. Emily Harris advises, “When individuals experience sudden betrayal, it is crucial to process the pain fully and reframe the experience as a lesson in personal boundaries and mutual respect.” Her insight underscores that honest, albeit harsh, admissions can serve as catalysts for deeper self-reflection and growth.

On a broader scale, these events illustrate the emotional cost of modern dating, where casual companionship can overshadow genuine connection. Studies in relationship dynamics suggest that when one partner’s needs are not reciprocated, the long-term effects can lead to significant emotional trauma. Healing in these situations involves understanding one’s own worth and recognizing the importance of balanced, respectful relationships.

Ultimately, while the pain of this breakup is acute, it also offers an opportunity for transformation. Learning to identify red flags and establish clear personal boundaries is key to ensuring that future relationships are founded on mutual respect and sincere commitment.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The community response has been one of empathy and measured advice. Readers agree that the blunt admission, though painful, provides a clear signal: personal worth should never be compromised by unequal emotional investments.

Many stress that while such experiences are devastating, they also serve as wake-up calls to rebuild trust in oneself and set healthier boundaries. The collective view is that, over time, the pain will diminish and eventually pave the way for more balanced and fulfilling relationships.

TheDynasti −

ReasonWLogic − Stay positive. Stay busy, go out with friends, gym, work, etc...it's always hard. Some hurt more than others but keep moving. Focus on yourself moving forward and things will get better. Good luck, merry christmas, happy hanukkah...all that stuff.

sorrylilsis − I’m gonna go against the grain because most people are being pretty naive and looking for a bad guy.. Sometimes there are no bad guys and it honestly sounds like one of these cases. The 6/9 month mark is usually the make or break for me. And most of the time it ends because one of the two is not that into the other.

It’s the point where the « it’s nice to be around someone » turns into the « do I want to stay around this person for a long time ? ». In your case it sounds like he didn’t want to and he cut you out pretty clearly. And while his response may be hard to swallow it’s a honest and respectful one.

[Reddit User] − I ventured even further across the no contact line to let him know that this was so hard for me, since he had played an equal part in how close we were, and driven the relationship just as much as I had. Then he put up an emotional wall and ditched me without a real reason.

I'm sorry to say because I know you're hurting, but from the outside this was kind of an inappropriate thing to say to him after he broke up with you, and I'm not surprised his response was a little curt. He gave you a reason, which was that he didn't want to be in a relationship.

Asking him (even implicitly) to soothe you through the pain afterward or make him feel guilty for his choice is not really fair. This kind of conversation is what friends, family, and therapists are for. He may have even been deliberately cold so he didn't give you false hope of rekindling.

Since you asked if that was a possibility when he broke things off and your text sounds like you're trying to reopen a conversation that he meant to be closed. In future, it's best to find closure internally instead of relying on the other person for it. You are likely not going to get the answer you want.

tfresca − This is why I generally advise against closure. You got an answer but it didn't really teach you anything and likely made you feel worse. You go searching for answers you might get them and there is no guarantee you'll actually want to hear them

d3gu − Did we date the same guy?! Something similar happened to me at the start of the year. Ex started talking about buying a house, and how I should sell my house so we could get a massive house together. Then he ghosted me for days and dumped me by text a week before our 1 year anniversary.

The reason he gave was literally he didn't want a relationship anymore. No reason. He wanted alone time, and I was taking up too much of it. He wanted to be by himself. A friend saw him on Tinder less than a week later.

Sommiel − Who was I even dating? I have been through this exact same feeling before. You thought you knew someone and suddenly you realize that you may not be able to trust your own judgment.. Give yourself some time to heal. Be patient with yourself.

jmochicago − When someone in a relationship does a 180 and you are left wondering

You question your judgment, you question your ability to assess people. Just know that there are some people who are THAT GOOD at hiding their true selves to get what they want AND allow yourself to mourn for the person who you will never see again.

It's hard to see any benefit at the moment, but just know that your

lokiidokii − It's honest but harsh. And at least he had the decency to apologize and talk to you rather than ghosting. I find that a lot of men in their late 20s (maybe a lot of men in general, just going off my experiences), deal with break ups (if you get far enough to call it a relationship) like this.

They sort of just

You can do so much better and you're worthy of a guy that's going to value your relationship as a long term commitment. Allow yourself a small window of time to grieve (you had feelings of love for this person and even if he didn't share those with you, your feelings are still valid so of course it's going to hurt) but don't let it consume you. The next step after that is continuing the search.

Be upfront about wanting something substantial. Also take this time to work on your communication skills. I remember having troubles being able to talk about what was bothering me in past relationships, which led me to writing a lot of letters/emails/long texts. I've found that it's better to be able to articulate what you want. Work on talking.

Based on your previous post, it sounds like you guys prob didn't communicate well-enough (so what if he was an introvert, introverts can still talk about their feelings - so many people use that as an excuse to bottle up rather than talking through problems). Be mindful of that in the future. That all being said, good luck! You're still young so you've got plenty of time to find a man that's worth your time.

mysticalglitter6991 − OP, about a month and a half ago I experienced something very similar with my partner of 2 years. We had already bought our anniversary gifts, he was planning a birthday gift for me just two nights before, we were still going on dates but I could tell something was up so I confronted him and a week later he pulled the plug.

He told me that our conversation made him feel sure in his decision and even though there was nothing I did to drive him away, he just felt unhappy with himself and wanted to go travel at length and do things that would apply great stress to our relationship. Of course I tried to barter at the time but now I realize that he is just far more selfish than I had thought.

We had a great relationship where we talked about marriage, buying homes, having children, and we didn’t really fight on top of what I thought was a healthy dose of communication. The other commenters are right, he could have just made some changes to himself to adjust but many people are not cut from that cloth so where it would have been easy for us to adjust, it’s not like that for others.

But you deserve someone who always has both feet in the door. I feel sad for my ex, that he is in such a bad place with himself that he threw away a perfectly good relationship with a supportive partner but it doesn’t make it sting less for me. I really felt like my world had been shattered and I still feel that way, it’s just not as scary now.

I miss him dearly but he has caused me a great deal of pain and suffering. My best advice is to just keep busy, focus on healing properly and letting yourself feel things. No contact is the best way even when it’s difficult because you’ll feel so much worse after you speak with him. Things do get better but I’m afraid there’s a long road ahead.

The world is your oyster. Sending you so much love and healing. Things will get better. Remember that healing is never linear so you’re still going to have some bad days mixed in with your good days.

Following this unsettling update, a central question remains: how does one heal and grow after a breakup that strips away long-held illusions of forever? The narrative not only highlights the heartbreak but also encourages deeper reflection on personal boundaries, honest communication, and the value of self-respect.

How have you found strength after such a transformative loss? Share your experiences and insights in the comments—your story might just help someone else find their path to healing.

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