[UPDATE] Finally meeting my (29m) online “girlfriend” (29f) after years of talking, it’s not going well

Shirley Stafford Hours
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The snowy Canadian city was supposed to be the backdrop for a long-awaited love story, but for one 29-year-old man, it felt more like a solo adventure. After years of online chats, his trip to meet his “girlfriend” left him stranded in a hotel room, her anxiety stealing their time together. Yet, on the final day, a flicker of connection emerged, like sunlight breaking through clouds, leaving him cautiously hopeful.

For those who want to read the previous part: Finally meeting my (29m) online “girlfriend” (29f) after years of talking, it’s not going well. This update dives into his last day, where small moments—like a shared laugh and a goodbye kiss—hint at potential. But with her anxiety still looming, his story pulls us into the delicate dance of love and patience, making us wonder: can they bridge the gap, or is this the end of the road?

‘[UPDATE] Finally meeting my (29m) online “girlfriend” (29f) after years of talking, it’s not going well’

Yesterday morning I woke up, made the original post and waited nervously for her to wake up. It once again took a couple of hours, a little after noon she finally messaged me. She said we had dinner in the later afternoon with her mother, and I could Uber over to her place whenever.

A few of you suggested I should just call off the dinner plans but I decided to stick it through. I went up to her place shortly after that and we spent some time watching things. She was having a better day so we sat close and while we didn't -do- anything (brother was in the small house) it was some quality time I had been looking for.

Dinner with her mother was great, we connected well and she seemed to be genuinely excited for me and her daughter. We left with a hug from her mom and went back to her place. It was a lot more of the same thing as before, so while it wasn't alone time with her, it did feel more on on one, and we had a good time.

Was it exactly what I was expecting on the last day of this trip? Not really, but was it nice? Definitely. It was getting late and I was half expecting her to want me to Uber back but she drove me herself, she helped me confirm my packing for the flight early this morning, and we ended with a kiss.

We got to texting a bit and we realized she hadn't taken a photo of us for a frame she had bought. I was pretty sad that we hadn't and the few pictures of us from that weekend didn't really fit the vibe she was going for. I mentioned that I should just Uber back.

10 minutes later waiting for a response and she tells me to come down, anxiety be damned she did drive back just for the photo and another goodbye smooch. So, overall, it wasn't the perfect weekend, but I'm going to stay cautiously optimistic.

I think it was a mistake to not make the trip longer, and think that would have helped even more. We'll see how things go when she has to decide if she wants to make the solo trip down here for an event closer to this summer. To clear some things up; She is on medication and goes to a therapist (though her current therapist is very new to her).

Normally I wouldn't be into a LDR but our likes and interest align well, and it's something I've struggled to find around me back home. My last relationship was decently long and taught me that was something I valued a lot. Thanks for all the comments on the other post. I imagine interest for another update will wane by the time the next trip happens (in about 2 months) but that is the time where things will really be make or break.

Turning online chemistry into real-world connection is like planting a seed in rocky soil—it needs care to grow. This man’s final day with his girlfriend showed progress, but her anxiety remains a hurdle.

Her effort to drive back for a photo and share quality time suggests genuine interest, but her anxiety limited their connection. Dr. Guy Winch, a psychologist specializing in relationships, notes, “Anxiety can create avoidance, but consistent effort to face fears is key to progress” (Psychology Today). Her therapy and medication are steps forward, but her new therapist may need time to make an impact.

Long-distance relationships amplify challenges. A 2023 study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 40% of long-distance couples struggle with in-person adjustment due to idealized expectations (JSPR). His patience is admirable, but her reliance on group settings—like parties or family dinners—may reflect discomfort with intimacy.

Dr. Winch advises open communication about needs, like suggesting low-pressure dates for their next meeting. He should encourage her therapy progress while assessing if her efforts meet his emotional needs. Resources like Anxiety and Depression Association of America can offer tools. With another trip planned, clarity about their compatibility will come, but he must prioritize his fulfillment.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit crew chimed in with a mix of cautious cheers and raised eyebrows, like friends dissecting a plot twist over coffee. Here’s the unfiltered vibe from the crowd, buzzing with empathy and tough love.

mojoo222 − oh wow, this went better than i expected an update to your first post to go, but still, how exhausting

Odd_Instruction519 − It feels like she was afraid of intimacy and any situation that could lead to it.

bigredroyaloak − I read your first post and didn’t comment. I hope she comes around for you but I’d be weary of how long it will take to turn into something more serious. You seem very patient and accepting but at some point your needs and time (and I’m not talking s**ual) should be considered.

I had a close male friend that fell hard for a beautiful but troubled young woman going through severe anxiety and depression. It is too tough to watch that even after years she still pushes him away and refuses any intimacy.

Unless he is planning, driving, jumping through hoops to get to her then there wouldn’t even be a relationship. She’s never happy anymore. He is always in the wrong. Wrong time, wrong gift, wrong flavor ice cream. So be careful. Don’t be that guy. Hope you find peace and happiness.

grimmwerks − Hey - I just want to say that I get where you're coming from - years ago I met someone online and we talked and connected in ways I never had with another person but she was 3k miles away from me (me in the USA her in the UK). We did the whole online thing for months and even online it got s**ual (as s**ual as it can I suppose) - but when she came with her brother to meet me in NYC it was...weird for the first few days.

I think the issue here is it was a VERY short time for her especially since she has all kinds of anxiety - -meeting YOU was probably the most anxious thing for her, so in a way you were the reason why she was so standoffish. I \*will\* say for me it's now 17 years later and we've been married for 15 of those; I'm now in the UK with her after years of her living in the USA for me.

jrtasoli − I’m glad your update was a little more positive than your first post, but honestly this relationship doesn’t sound like it’s worth the effort you’re putting in, homie. Seems like a lot of grief for not a ton of payoff.. Relationships are work for sure, but not THIS much work.

MarsailiPearl − I think the issue is that she had you on a tour to meet everyone in her life instead of just hanging out with you to make sure the chemistry was there in person. I understand meeting you the first time with her brother, but taking you to a party to meet all of her friends and then taking you to meet her mom were mistakes. You two should have just casually hung out without others competing for attention.

Few_Republic1136 − I read your first post but didn't get the chance to comment, but I felt for your girlfriend. I was in a LDR relationship for a year during covid (he lived in Hong Kong and I live in California) and the first time we met each other I was a nervous WRECK.

I don't even have day to day anxiety so I was uncomfortable with how anxious I was when he was actually in front of me, a actual physical person. We laugh about it now, but our first dinner date as a couple that day was pretty bad because I was too anxious to eat anything lol.

But I felt like after the first couple days I started adjusting slowly but surely. I think your gf was in flight or fight mode and had to run away to cope, but I hope she comes to learn that exposure to what's unfamiliar (aka you being physically with her) is the ONLY way to make this better.

I recommend you guys get a hotel together or something for your next trip. Closing the gap after being a ldr is never not awkward, scary, and sensitive. I'm glad you had a good end to your trip and I do hope you continue to hold out for her, you sound like a very patient and understanding person and I think you handled this great. Looking forward to an update in a few months!

thebemusedmuse − I had an online friend and we were chatting for a decade or more. It became apparent that we were probably in love with each other, but one or other of us had always been in a relationship.

Well one day, we were both single and we were like, well, we should probably find out. So I travelled 5000 miles to see her, and her there was no spark. All the 10 years of friendship, flirting, closeness... nothing, in person.. Anyhow my man you're doing better than me. I wish you luck.

SaturnHearts − OP must be into some really niche stuff to be able to think this is worth it due to a few shared interests. You do you.

makeupnmunchies − I read your original post and I’m glad to see the improvement.. … but dude. Are you really down to accept the bare minimum of minimums from this person? You have great tenacity if yeah.. because she’s really giving you nothing and you’re eating it up. It’s good to have compassion, but is this really fulfilling for you?

Redditors split between rooting for his patience and warning against a one-sided effort. Some saw hope in her final-day push, while others flagged her avoidance as a red flag. Are they spotting dealbreakers or just skeptical of love’s quirks? One thing’s certain: this saga has tongues wagging.

This man’s rollercoaster trip—from hotel room blues to a bittersweet goodbye—shows love’s messy reality. Whether they conquer her anxiety or part ways, his willingness to try speaks volumes. Reddit’s divided, with some betting on hope and others urging him to move on. Have you ever navigated a relationship where mental health shaped the vibe? What would you do in his shoes? Drop your thoughts and let’s keep the chat rolling.

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