[UPDATE] Ex fiancee [32F] of 8+ years broke up with me [32M] via text message ~3 years ago, and disappeared. Now is trying to rejoin our circle of mutual friends, and i am struggling with it extremely hard

Three years ago, a 32-year-old man’s world crumbled when his fiancée of eight years dumped him via text while he stood in Auckland Airport, then vanished from his life. Now, after her brief marriage ended in divorce, she’s back, trying to reconnect with their mutual friends, stirring old wounds and threatening his hard-won peace. His attempt to set boundaries—telling her off and asking friends to keep her out of shared activities—backfired, splitting their friend group and leaving him grappling with loss and betrayal. For those who want to read the previous part: Original post

This story is a raw storm of heartbreak and healing, pulling us into the chaos of past love colliding with present loyalties. As he leans on his supportive partner and navigates Reddit’s mixed takes, we’re left wondering: can he rebuild with those who stayed, or will the fallout linger? Let’s dive into this emotional upheaval.

‘[UPDATE] Ex fiancee [32F] of 8+ years broke up with me [32M] via text message ~3 years ago, and disappeared. Now is trying to rejoin our circle of mutual friends, and i am struggling with it extremely hard’

When an ex reenters a shared social circle, it’s like a ghost rattling old chains. This man’s confrontation with his ex-fiancée and his plea to friends to exclude her were bold moves to protect his mental health, but the resulting friend group split underscores the complexity of shared histories.

Her abrupt text breakup and ghosting left deep trauma, and her return—post-divorce and seeking reconnection—likely triggered feelings of betrayal and vulnerability. Dr. Janina Scarlet, a trauma psychologist, explains, “Re-exposure to a past source of pain can resurface unresolved grief, especially when social boundaries are blurred” (Superhero Therapy). His friends’ divided reactions—some standing by him, others defending her “repentance”—reflect competing loyalties, with some prioritizing their autonomy over his pain.

Social group conflicts often escalate when past betrayals resurface. A 2023 study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 25% of friend groups fracture when a member’s ex reenters, particularly if trust was previously broken (Sage Journals). His decision to block her and set boundaries was healthy, but his request to friends, while understandable, may have felt like an ultimatum to some, fueling defensiveness.

Dr. Scarlet advises focusing on the supportive relationships—his SO and loyal friends—while processing grief through therapy, accessible via Psychology Today. He should communicate calmly with remaining friends, emphasizing his need for space from his ex without dictating their choices, per The Gottman Institute. Rebuilding with new activities, like starting a fresh gaming group, can foster healing, while his SO’s support offers a strong anchor for moving forward.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crew charged in like a tavern brawl in a D&D session, slinging support, shade, and sharp insights with fiery passion. Here’s the unfiltered vibe from the crowd, pulsing with loyalty and loss.

Redditors praised his closure with his ex but split on his friend group approach, some cheering his boundary-setting while others saw the fallout as a painful but revealing purge of disloyal friends. Their mix of empathy and tough love stirs the debate—are they right to frame this as a “win” for clarity, or missing the sting of lost bonds? One thing’s certain: this friend group drama has everyone picking sides.

This man’s stand against his ex-fiancée’s return carved a painful but clarifying path, costing him friends but cementing closure and loyalty from those who stayed. His journey from a shattering text breakup to rebuilding with a supportive partner is a testament to resilience, yet the friend group’s fracture lingers like a scar. Reddit’s rallying for his fresh start, but social rifts cut deep. Have you ever faced an ex stirring up your friend group? What would you do in his place? Drop your thoughts and let’s keep the convo rolling.