[UPDATE] Boyfriend’s (21M) best friend (20F) hates me (25F) and wants us to break up?

Step into a dimly lit apartment, where a 25-year-old woman’s world shatters as she uncovers her boyfriend’s infidelity with his childhood best friend. For nearly a year, she endured the friend’s covert hostility and boundary-crossing antics, hoping her love could withstand the strain, only to find explicit messages and photos that reveal a devastating affair.

Fleeing to a friend’s home, she grapples with heartbreak and self-doubt, questioning her worth against the backdrop of betrayal. Was she right to walk away, or should she have fought for answers? Let’s dive into this Reddit update, where trust crumbles and resilience begins.

For those who want to read the previous part: Original post

‘[UPDATE] Boyfriend’s (21M) best friend (20F) hates me (25F) and wants us to break up?’

i talked to my bf the day after and basically said what everyone else already commented and what i was thinking. no, i didn't secretly record her because that didn't sit right with me. i told him her behavior was making me super uncomfortable and that he needed to set boundaries with her asap, or i wasn't going to put up with it anymore.

i was f**king pissed while telling him this and he got the message. he texted her in front of me and even let me read it. i was satisfied and very relieved. felt like i could finally breathe. best friend came over a few times and was very nice to me. she wasn't being inappropriate even once, very respectful of the boundaries we had set.

when we were alone she was the same girl as when we were all together. total 180. great. i was sooo glad and happy. thought she got the hint. skip to yesterday. boyfriend is in the shower and left his phone in his pants on the floor. phone keeps vibrating and im getting annoyed. i grab his phone, all the messages are from best friend.

there are pics of them f**king, a video i didn't watch and a lot of lovey dovey messages. i scrolled back and it went back to at least 2 months ago until i had enough and had an emotional breakdown. serious plans together, honestly i never came even came up in their conversations.

he came back from the gym last night. we were going to have s** after he got out of the shower. and he had been f**king here minutes before he came home. im staying with a friend for a while. had to take work off today because im a total wreck. honestly im still in shock, i seriously can't comprehend what's going on.

haven't responded to any of bfs messages but he knows i know, he hasn't said anything after he realized it i think. well this confirmed for me im not as desirable as i thought, funny how i genuinely believed he chose for me. i cant even start to explain how s**t i feel. started drinking but luckily i have my friend here who is taking care of me, bless her.. cheers

Betrayal cuts deep, and this woman’s discovery of her boyfriend’s affair with his best friend is a brutal blow to trust and self-esteem. The friend’s initial hostility, followed by a brief facade of respect, was a calculated ploy to mask an ongoing affair, while the boyfriend’s complicity reveals a profound lack of integrity. Relationship therapist Dr. Shirley Glass notes, “Infidelity thrives in secrecy, eroding the foundation of commitment” (Not Just Friends). The friend’s overt flirtations, ignored by the boyfriend, were red flags of deeper disloyalty, exploiting the woman’s fear of seeming controlling.

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This reflects a broader issue: infidelity often compounds emotional manipulation, damaging self-worth. A 2022 study in the Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy found 70% of betrayed partners experience self-esteem declines post-infidelity (Taylor & Francis Online). The woman’s spiral into self-doubt—feeling less desirable—is a common response, but Reddit’s insistence that cheating reflects the cheater’s flaws, not hers, aligns with psychological insights. Her decision to leave, supported by a friend, marks a critical step toward healing.

Dr. Glass advises “prioritizing self-care and supportive networks post-betrayal.” The woman’s choice to stay with a friend and take time off work is healthy, though her drinking raises concerns about coping mechanisms. Therapy could help her rebuild confidence and identify red flags in future partners, especially given her history of choosing unfaithful ones.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit roared with outrage and empathy, condemning the cheaters and uplifting the woman’s worth. Here’s the community’s raw response to this gut-wrenching betrayal.

[Reddit User] − Bruhh!!! Wtf! Im so sorry that happened. They both are horrible shits, you deserve so much better

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Mindtaker − Don't make the age old mistake of thinking this had anything to do with you.. Cheaters are liars and well, cheaters. This has nothing to do with how desirable you are, how good you are, how worthwhile you are. You need to understand that to a cheater, you never for one second were even part of the equation.

Yeah it sucks to be with a cheater and to get tricked and to feel like s**t. But to take it as some kind of judgment of you is nonsense. Just remember, that when you forgive cheating, you are saying cheating on you is 100% allowed. So you never forgive cheating.. You also need to keep this stuff in mind. 1. Every single relationship you have but ONE is going to fail.

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People get so hung up on break ups, you only get to have ONE long term relationship work out in your entire life. 2. The failures are there to teach you lessons, red flags, how to deal with heartbreak, conflict resolution, communication, cheaters, liars, abusers, ETC. All that s**t. Without these failures, you won't have the tools required to maintain a healthy relationship when you are in one.

You don't get to win, without all the losses. You don't get to have one without the other. 3. You said in a comment that this is the third time. I was in your situation as well once. The hard reality is this. You can't blame a cheater for cheating, that is what cheaters do. They cheat, thats the whole reason we have a name for them.

We CHOOSE these cheaters, we PICK them, ALLOW them to be with us. Its a mistake we are making that we need to figure out. It doesn't mean you DESERVE to be cheated on, it means you are missing the red flags and the lessons you need to learn from those s**tty relationships so you don't repeat the same mistakes.

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If you keep getting cheaters then you need to completely change the type of guy you date, how you meet them, where you meet them ETC. Gotta change up the game plan. I had a thing for 'bitches' for lack of a better word. Kept getting cheated on, abused, lied to, over and over and over and over. The problem was my taste.

I had to learn that certain butterflies and 'passion' i felt when I met ladies was actual a huge red flag and not the awesome 'instant click' I thought it was.. FINALLY. Moving forward you also have to remember this. You just have been eating at a**hole burger the last few months, and got the worst case of food poisioning in the world. You are puking and you just want to die.. So what do we do now?

Do you never trust another hamburger again because all hamburgers are poision? Of course not that would be f**king insane. What you do, is you remember the restaurant, the chef, the manager, the wait staff, the tables, every last f**king detail of that s**tty restaurant, you burn it into your brain.

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When you have a hankering for a burger again after you have gotten over the food poisioning, if you see even ONE similar thing to A**hole burger, you run in the other direction leaving a you shaped hole in the wall. You don't get to not trust future hamburgers because you made a s**tty choice in restaurant. That is not the next burger joints problem, its not their fault nor is it their responsibility.

You don't make future people pay for the sins of past people. Its up to US to learn from our mistakes, pick better partners, and do a better job weeding out s**tty people. When you 'Don't trust people' anymore because you keep getting screwed over, all that is doing is projecting your issues onto people that have nothing to do with it.

It doesn't solve the root of the problem that is that we made a bad call, and we need to learn from the mistakes and get better. This all sucks I am so sorry for you. Have your pity party, feel those feelings and when you are ready, get back out there and find a better burger joint.

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Don't do what bitter angry people do. Don't hold onto it, use it, learn from it, and get back out there. Remember, logically, you never get to have more then one win, barring a tragic death. So while the failures hurt, and they suck, and we would all rather they just f**k off, they don't. Dating is a game of 95% failure for every person on the planet and thats a bummer.

DeltaBravo25 − This is horrible. You know what you need to do about the relationship but there is one thing you mentioned that needs a response. Something along the lines of 'not being as desirable as I thought I was'. Try your best to push that out of your head - his duplicity and infidelity is a reflection of his cowardice and s**tty character, not a reflection of how desirable you are or are not.

[Reddit User] − WTF!!...why didnt he just date her in the first place!?

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gravestoney − Absolutely livid and shell-shocked from this ending to your story. I’m so sorry that he did this to you. I’m sending nothing but well-wishes and emotional strength your way. I’ve read your replies to some commenters and I want to clear it out of the way right now: **YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME FOR A CHEATER’S ACTIONS.**

Scream it at the top of your lungs if you have to or just continue saying it until you believe it. What he did was a reflection of his personality which is a scumbag. They deserve each other and their personal karma will catch up to them sooner or later.

In the meantime, perhaps a break from relationships is in order. Take this time to better yourself and take care of yourself until you feel stronger and independent to where no man or woman will ever make you doubt your confidence. S**tty people will hate to see your success but you deserve to thrive.

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With or without them. You are beautiful inside and out. You can do this! And remember that you do *not* need him. This pain will only be temporary until you stumble across a person who will treat you so good you’ll forget about all the hurt these fuckers caused you.

joe-dirt-1001 − I wouldn't say it reflects on you or your desirability at all. You just met the wrong guy that simply hasn't grown up yet and wants to sleep around. Don't worry about them, karma is a b**ch.. Take care of yourself and find someone that actually cares about you.. Good luck.

[Reddit User] − What a lying piece of s**t. F**k him. My god what a cunt. It's angering I used the same phrase twice.

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Palparr − Used to date a girl who had a hard time loving herself back in the days. She couldnt see why people would be interested in her so anytime someone would give her attention, she would be in their arms right away. She ended up being so hurt giving her heart to the wrong guys, almost all of them cheated on her or ended up being assholes.

Youre not unlovable, im pretty sure youre a sweet gal. You might just be giving your heart to people who dont deserve it. You need to be a little more ‘’grounded’’ in your approach of a relationship. Not put the guy on a pedestal where you ignore the red flags and get stuck in a relationship where your partner clearly doesnt respect you.

Its easier said than done, it requires a lot of awareness and self control. You will probably bump your nose a couple more times before you start realising a pattern. After a while you will be able to smell b**lshit from miles away. Goodluck with that, the love realm can be harsh. All these relationships are teaching you something, try to take lessons out of each of them so you dont repeat the same mistakes.

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SweeeetDeeee123 − Uh hey, whoa:. well this confirmed for me im not as desirable as i thought. NO. JUST NO. HE is the one who has failed to live up to YOUR standards, not the other way around. Do not let some creepy douchebag dictate how you live your life! He is NOT WORTH IT. Get out there, be your fabulous amazing wonderful caring self, LOVE YOURSELF and you'll find someone who is worthy of everything that makes you, you.. F**k that guy, and his creepy friend.

Ebbie45 − I am so sorry. This makes me so angry. They both deserve each other because they're terrible people.

These Reddit takes are visceral, but do they capture the full story? Perhaps the boyfriend’s youth and inexperience fueled his deceit, or the woman’s pain is the crucible for her growth.

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This tale of infidelity and shattered trust raises a piercing question: when does walking away become the ultimate act of self-respect? The woman’s escape from her cheating boyfriend and his toxic friend isn’t just about leaving—it’s about reclaiming her dignity. Love demands honesty, not hidden affairs masked by lifelong friendships. If you faced such a betrayal, how would you rebuild your heart and trust? Share your thoughts below and let’s unpack this raw Reddit update!

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