UPDATE – Am I wrong for rejecting a woman who once rejected me?

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Once upon a time, a shy college kid mustered the courage to ask out Nat, only to face a stinging rejection that lingered like a bad aftertaste. Years later, now a confident professional, this Reddit user crossed paths with Nat again, only to find her eager for a second chance he didn’t want to give.

Her pushy reaction and her friends’ barrage of messages turned a simple “no” into a social storm. In a bid to calm the chaos, he arranged a coffee meetup, hoping to set things straight. Did this brew clarity or more trouble?

For those who want to read the previous part: Original post

‘UPDATE – Am I wrong for rejecting a woman who once rejected me?’

Hi everyone, thank you to everyone who commented on my first post. This will be my last. Some of you got very angry very quickly and I wanted to clear a couple things up before telling you all how it went last night. I try not to attribute behavior to malice if there's a possibility it can be attributed to incompetence

I think the world would be a better place if we tried to do that a bit more and be a bit less antagonistic. I know I would appreciate the benefit of the doubt if (and when) I do something wrong, so I tried to do the same with Nat and her friends. Honestly, I'm glad I did. Nat has been in the periphery of my life for a long time - we weren't ever really close, but being from the same town, you get the general idea of who a person is over time.

I was shocked at her behavior because I thought it was unlike her. Her friends reaching out to me surprised me and had me feeling anxious because I'm honestly not used to that much social attention all at once, the tone and content of the attention notwithstanding. These are not inherently bad people, I believe they are just generally good people who are behaving poorly.. 

Anyway, what you all really want to know: I met Nat for coffee (well, tea) at a local coffee shop last night. She showed up late, after I did, and said it was because of some childcare stuff she had to take care of. It turned out that her son's father is very much in their lives, but just as a co-parent.

The reason she is single is because co-parents is really all they can be together, they did not work well as a couple at all. But from Nat's own admission, her son's father is a very good dad: dedicated, caring, and supportive. I said to Nat that these last couple weeks were very stressful for me because of her friends contacting me about her and that I'm sorry that she was offended or hurt by my saying no, but I'm not sorry for saying no.

Nat stopped me and apologized herself. She said she didn't intend for any of that to happen, she just has some very loyal and passionate friends. She also said sorry for how she behaved at the party and gave me some very helpful context. Nat had just recently started dating again, and has not been having much luck.

She expected as much, but she didn't expect people to be so uncaring about it. The last guy she met was quite cruel about her being

She said she remembered that I was smart and caring but I was very socially awkward when I had first asked her out. Nat was adamant that she did not mean to laugh, she was genuinely just surprised because she never suspected that I even thought of her that way to begin with. I do believe her on this front.

It turned out that she was trying to flirt with me at the party, and when I rejected her, the negative emotions she had from the last r**ection just took over and she reacted poorly. She said she complained to her friends and they took it upon themselves to try to

To Nat's credit, the messages have stopped since yesterday after I first reached out to her and explained why I wanted to meet. In retrospect, I think I may have overreacted too. I believe this because looking at some of the messages from her friends more objectively, it looks like they were just advocating for us to be together rather than attacking me for saying no if that makes sense?

But all the attention felt like demands to me and I may have panicked a bit. So that's basically it, everyone. I apologized, she apologized, and it's all a lot more mundane than I think some people may have expected. No, we're still not dating, and we're BOTH okay with that.

Though we did agree that, if the opportunity presents itself down the line and the timing is right, one or both of us may try (gently) approaching the idea again. I don't know if I ever expect that to happen, but it's not entirely a bad thought. Just not a thought I would entertain for at least a few years from now. I like my life the way it is for now.

Closure in relationships, especially those marked by past rejections, requires courage and clear communication. The Reddit user’s choice to meet Nat for coffee reflects a mature approach to defusing conflict. Dr. Guy Winch, a psychologist specializing in emotional health, states, “Addressing misunderstandings directly can prevent lingering resentment and foster mutual respect, even if romance isn’t on the table” (Psychology Today). The user’s empathy—considering Nat’s perspective while holding his boundaries—shows emotional intelligence.

Nat’s behavior, driven by recent dating rejections and her friends’ misguided advocacy, highlights how personal insecurities can escalate social interactions. Her apology and explanation about her past laugh and current struggles add nuance, suggesting her actions stemmed from vulnerability rather than malice. A 2024 study found 62% of young adults face social pressure in dating, often leading to miscommunications (Journal of Social and Personal Relationships). The user’s decision not to date Nat, while leaving the door slightly ajar for future possibilities, balances pragmatism with openness.

Broadly, this saga underscores the importance of owning your choices in the face of external pressure. The user’s misinterpretation of her friends’ messages as attacks, due to his anxiety, is a relatable reminder to pause and reassess. Advice: Maintain clear boundaries, but approach conflicts with curiosity to uncover intent.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit poured their thoughts into this coffee-fueled finale—here’s the frothy feedback, with a sprinkle of spice:

Late-Champion8678 − You seem like a very nice guy (actual nice, the good kind!). I'm sure your anxiety about the situation played a role, but, under that, seems a caring guy. With that said, stay away from Nat and her friends. She may not have intended the b** rush, but the fact her friends thought it appropriate at all, is concerning. Listen to Tony and Steve, they have their heads screwed on right.

fiblesmish − Having read both bits of your story, i am simply baffled by why you are in any contact with her or her unbalanced friends.. Do you want to be in high school forever? You did nothing wrong, she was unable to deal with her life so she sicked her childish posse on you via the net..

When an adult has a problem they deal with it. Themselves. No adult messages a third party about who they should be dating. None of this was anyone but your business and certainly not the group of harpies.. This is childish and sad.. Stand up for yourself, tell her to never bother you again and move on with your life.

ImaginaryScallion371 − Dont ruin your life, go NC with her, with her friends. She litteraly told you noone will take her and she tough you will be dumb enought to do it.

Zer0Fuxxx − Hold up, is this the same girl that called you a

[Reddit User] − Nice handling of the situation.. Good luck to you in your future endeavors, both in and out of the dating world.

[Reddit User] − What I remember from that thread was a few s**tty people calling OP a groomer and an incel, and then calling anyone who defended OP a pedophile. I'm glad conditions have been normalized for you, OP. If I could treat some of the folks who said s**tty things to you like Ed Gruuberman, I totally would.

Ditose − She really played you good you gonna end up dating her in a year

deathtoallants − Well, good luck with your life. I still agree with your gay friends and sister that you should find someone else than Nat. Someone who likes you genuinely for who you are and has no ulterior motives.

Tom_A_F − Don't date her. Ever. Even if there's a fire.

Adept_Ad_473 − The moral of the story is, don't let your i**ot friends try to

These Reddit brews are bold, but do they stir the pot or settle the grounds? One thing’s certain: this resolution’s got everyone sipping on the details.

This Reddit user’s journey from rejection to resolution proves that a simple coffee can pour clarity over muddy drama. By facing Nat head-on, he turned a tense standoff into a moment of mutual understanding, all while staying true to his boundaries. Have you ever had to hash things out with someone from your past to find peace? Spill your stories below—what would you do in this espresso-fueled face-off?

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