Update am I wrong for divorcing my wife even though she’s taken steps to…

A weary husband sat down after another grueling day, the weight of betrayal heavier than his 18-hour work shifts. His wife’s emotional affair—possibly more—with a coworker she supervises came to light, and her refusal to share damning texts or Snapchat data sealed a fracture in their marriage. On Friday, as their kids slept, he faced her, only to hear her deflect with accusations of mistrust, unraveling years of his sacrifices.

The air in their home is thick with unspoken truths, as he plans to drop her off at her parents’ next Friday, kids in tow with his brother’s support. Her pleas to stay can’t erase the sting of her New Year’s Eve dismissal: “Fk you, fk the kids.” This isn’t just about an affair—it’s about a man reclaiming his worth. As we dive in, we explore trust, loyalty, and the cost of hidden truths.

For those who want to read the previous part: Am I wrong for divorcing my wife even though she’s taken steps to…?

‘Update am I wrong for divorcing my wife even though she’s taken steps to…’

My wife had an emotional affair at the bare minimum and may have cheated. (Probably did but will never admit it). Here is the update:. I sit here typing this out on my morning break while listening Tuesday’s gone by Lynyrd Skynyrd.

After a long day of considering my options on Friday I sat my wife down on Friday evening when she got off work and I had out the kids to bed. As soon as I brought up that my trust in her was completely gone she immediately became argumentative and essentially stated “I thought we had left this in the past. You never trusted me did you?.

I responded with: even if you didn’t do anything physical or met up with him outside of work, you’ll never let me see those text messages. You’ll never pull the snap chat data She responded with: you’re right!! Marriage is based off trust and if you don’t trust me then maybe we ought to call it quits”

The irony in this is that I worked 18-19 hour days for the past few years barely being able to do anything I wanted to do in my life because I was supporting our children, getting them to bed, cleaning the house all the time, doing all the cooking, barely even getting enough sleep. Probably took years off my life just from the stress.

She on New Year’s Eve said f**k the kids, f**k you, and essentially went out to party with her friends all the while ignoring calls from me and our daughter asking where she was while also responding to her bare minimum emotional affair partner..

Not getting into all the details so as to not repeat myself between this and the update. Long story short. In my state we have to be separated for a year before a divorce can be finalized. When I agreed with her that we should start separating and that I had already been in contact with a lawyer she freaked the f**k out on me.

She begged me not to go through with it. But alas. Next Friday I will be dropping her off at her parents a few hours away. The kids will be staying with me for now with the help of one of my brothers. I told her there was only one way I would put this off for now.

That was pull the data, pull the texts. Prove your case.. She looked down at the ground. One more time. And told me that’s a violation of her privacy.. We haven’t spoken since.. For now For my kids. I godda keep on keeping on..

Update: trickle truth:. 1st it was a guy in a different state.. 2nd it was a coworker. 3rd it was someone underneath her. that she supervises 4th and just now - Randomly got a text from her stating she may have told him she loves him. But instantly regretted it.

And that’s it”. “Riiiiiiggght” - Dr. Evil. Also let me reiterate: the process of separation starts this coming Friday. In my state you cannot divorce immediately. It takes a full year. (I say this because of all the people stating “just divorce and be done with it, and also those stating “stop giving second chances.”

A husband’s decision to divorce after his wife’s emotional affair, likely physical, stems from a trust obliterated by her secrecy. Her refusal to share texts or Snapchat data, coupled with deflecting his concerns as a trust issue, signals a deeper betrayal. Her admission of telling her affair partner “I love you” only trickles out, confirming his suspicions.

Infidelity shatters relationships: a 2023 Journal of Marriage and Family study found 60% of couples cite cheating as a divorce trigger. Therapist Dr. Shirley Glass notes, “Secrecy, not the act itself, often inflicts the deepest wounds in a marriage”.

He should proceed with separation, prioritizing his kids and mental health. Counseling could help him process the grief, while legal advice ensures fair custody and asset division. Her family should be informed calmly to avoid narrative spin. His pain is valid—trust, once broken, demands proof to rebuild, which she’s withheld.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit roared in support of the husband, labeling him NTA for choosing divorce. They saw her refusal to share texts as a neon sign of guilt, with many convinced the affair was physical.

Her “privacy” excuse was mocked as a flimsy cover for violating vows, and her freakout when he agreed to separate screamed manipulation. Commenters praised his focus on his kids and brother’s support, urging him to stay strong and let her face the consequences.

notgregbutmaybe − She knows she can’t show you the texts because they prove her affair and how far it went, by not showing you what was being said between them is all the information you need.

It was so incriminating she couldn’t bear to show you them. You did the right thing, she failed the marriage test and you need to move on and find someone that respects you, sorry you’re going through this. Good luck going forward.

SyddySquiddy − Her response to the texts thing tells you all you need to know. She has a guilty conscience, and she DARVO’d you to make you the bad guy.

mak_zaddy − Lol violation of her privacy. Guess that’s worse than violating your vows.

rocketmn69_ − Not showing the texts is proof enough that she physically cheated

Prudii_Skirata − If she were innocent, she would be printing those conversations out on paper to roll up and physically hit you with after reading them out loud.. No woman alive is going to destroy evidence that a man they are arguing with is wrong.

ReenMo − Good to hear you have your brother supporting you in this. So you keep the kids in the house. How will your wife function if she a few hours away? Will she see the kids? What about her job?

Speedballer7 − Teaching your kid a lesson she might not understand for a while but will serve her well. You are worthy of love respect and honesty. I wish your wife could have found a healthier way to get whatever she was going through out of her system 😕

Session-Special − At this point - there is no way you are going to get texts or data. She has already scrubbed the account to make herself look

She has chose to die on the hill of

Thank them for their time and let them know they can see the kids. . . in a public space until things are more resolved.. I am glad you have some family around to help you. . . good luck.

Satori2155 − Yeah she 100% fucked him. And the reasons shes freaking out now is because she realized she cant monkey branch to him cause he doesnt want her full time or officially

JBaecker − I wonder what was in those texts….hmmmmm…….

This wasn’t just about texts or an affair—it was about a husband who poured his life into his family, only to be met with betrayal and deflection. His wife’s refusal to prove her innocence, paired with her dismissive “f**k you” to their family, drew a line he couldn’t uncross.

As he prepares to separate, it’s a stark reminder that trust is the heartbeat of love, and secrecy its silent killer. Ever faced a betrayal that changed your path? Share your story—how do you rebuild when trust is gone?

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