Update: am I wrong for breaking up with him without any warning?

The air in a small urban apartment once hummed with love and shared dreams, but for a 23-year-old woman, that warmth turned to ashes when she uncovered her boyfriend’s betrayal. Four years with Chris, her supposed soulmate, dissolved in a heartbeat when a friend’s message revealed his infidelity. Packing her bags and leaving a note, she fled to her sister’s house, hoping to escape his excuses. But Chris’s relentless pursuit—texts, visits, and emotional pleas—kept the wound fresh, like salt on a cut.

Now, weeks later, a new chapter unfolds as Chris sends a lengthy message, doubling down on his “it wasn’t on purpose” defense while painting her as the one throwing away their love. Her resolve is tested, but with her sister’s boyfriend urging caution, she navigates a maze of manipulation and heartbreak. This update reveals her strength in the face of a storm that refuses to pass.

For those who want to read the previous part: Am I wrong that I broke up with him without warning?

‘Update: am I wrong for breaking up with him without any warning?’

First of all thank you so much guys for all your support and advice. Alot of people agreed with me that I did was right thing. I didn't owe him anything he messed up the relationship right when he cheated. Also someone said it was looks like it was written by a kid, sorry English is not my first language. So I tried my best.

I slept most of time today as I was little down. When I woke up my sister's boyfriend was here.my sister told me when I was asleep she got text from my bf. She showed me the messages. It was long text basically everything he wanted to say. I'll just write the important things .

He started with the cheating part. He said I'm ashamed of myself ,how did I do this blah blah... But he's still adamant on I didn't do that on purpose thing. He regrets everything. He has written some details of what happened but I don't feel comfortable sharing that.

Then said he didn't tell me because he thought I'll leave him that means if his friend had not told I would've never known he cheated. Most interesting thing here is he is still pushing that I was not in control reason. So he added that his friend n gf got together because they genuinely love each other.

They wanted to solve this issue and they looked past the things and came to conclusion that their relationship is important. They know everyone makes mistakes. Everyone deserves second chance in life . Their relationship is strong so they survived this disturbance.

He said I'm throwing away 4 years relationship for a mistake that he clearly regrets. He understands that my trust is broken but he'll try to gain it back. I don't know how he'll do that, following me doesn't make me trust you buddy. He said I'm angry n hurt that's I took those desicison and left him.

I should have heard him first then have taken the decision. His uncle has been sick so he's going to visit him. So he's saying is I'll get lot of time to think when he's gone n try to understand his situation. He is always around so I'm bothered with him.

He said our relationship didn't have any troubles before because we understand each other. That's what relationship are. If everyone thinks like me then no couples would have stayed together. Every relationship has flaws but it survives because they are willing to make sacrifices.

And that he still loves me very much. Will do anything to get me back. He can even wait years for me .He will not follow me again but he wants to talk to me after he comes back. Yay good luck with that Chris. My sisters bf said he thinks that my BF is not going anywhere .

He just wants us to think he's gone so that we can stop thinking about involving cops. Then we get relaxed he'll start doing that again. He's clearly still trying to act innocent. Honestly even if he telling the truth I have made my decision n I'll not change it.

Regarding the restraining order we discussed everything n figured it out. I didn't get much time today because my sisters dog got massive diarrhea so we cleaned the house n took him to vet. He is okay now. So that's all that has happened. I'll update you guys if anything happens again.. Thanks for supporting me n showing your concerns..

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Navigating the fallout of infidelity is like walking through a minefield blindfolded, and this woman’s story is no exception. Chris’s persistent texts, cloaked in regret but steeped in deflection, underscore a refusal to own his actions. Let’s peel back the layers of this drama with a dash of clarity and a sprinkle of skepticism—because apologies shouldn’t feel like a sales pitch.

Her decision to stand firm reflects a clash of realities: she seeks closure, while Chris peddles excuses, claiming his cheating was an uncontrollable slip. This echoes what Dr. Shirley Glass, a noted psychologist, described: “Infidelity thrives on secrecy and deception, but healing requires accountability”. Chris’s “I wasn’t in control” narrative dodges responsibility, undermining trust further.

This situation mirrors a larger issue: the manipulation often embedded in post-betrayal apologies. A 2022 study by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 70% of individuals in broken relationships face guilt-tripping tactics from ex-partners. Her refusal to engage disrupts this cycle, prioritizing her emotional safety.

Experts recommend maintaining no-contact boundaries and documenting harassment for legal protection, as she’s doing with the restraining order plan. Therapy can also help untangle the emotional knots of betrayal. Her story highlights the power of self-worth in cutting through manipulative noise.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit community rallied behind the woman, their comments a mix of sharp wit and unwavering support. They called out Chris’s “not on purpose” excuse as laughable, urging her to secure a restraining order and stick to her decision.

Many praised her strength, noting that his manipulation—blaming her for the breakup—revealed his true character. The consensus was clear: she owes him nothing, and his actions ended the relationship long before she left.

ziplex −

SpecialProfile2697 − I would still get the restraining order.

seidinove − How do you cheat, but not on purpose? Good for you, OP. Stick to your guns.

Far-Problem6839 − Don't know you but very proud of you! I am glad you know your worth! Stay strong! You Rock!

LordKancer − I have a rule for relationships that has served me well. Do not make the same mistake twice. This was a deal breaker, he broke the deal, that is the end of it.

noideawhatisup − What exactly does “not cheating on purpose” constitute? Was he under duress (aka SA)? Did he think it was you for some psychotic reason? Of course it was on purpose. Premeditated, maybe not. Be he acted with purpose.

He’s trying so hard to be manipulative and is a complete dingleberry. OP, you’re NTA and need to do whatever you can in order to protect yourself from his presence. He’s not well in the head.

Kindasupercrazy123 − Mmmmm he said “I’ll die if you don’t come back” he said “oh you’re throwing it all away” he’s trying to make YOU feel bad, he’s telling you what happened but he’s not really mentioning what went through his head at the time he did it, like why he did it and why he chose to despite them both being in a relationship.

Maybe they were i**oxicated or something but something I pretty firmly believe is that something you would NEVER EVER do (something you truly believe is morally wrong like kicking a dog) you wouldn’t do if you were drunk.

Some things you wouldn’t do because society tells you to (telling someone rudely they’re annoying if they’re annoying you) you might very well do if you’re i**oxicated, you get it? So if he were to never ever cheat on you, he wouldn’t do it if he were drunk, and s** usually takes effort especially on the guys part.

If he were to explain exactly what happened, exactly what he felt and thought over what he did and tried to figure out WHY he did it as to not do it again, and if his reason and how he felt wasn’t wanting to be disloyal or whatever, I could see that as a way to move past cheating.

He however doesn’t seem to have done that and made it all about you and you being angry and you needing to forgive and being all like “see, I said I was sorry. Now you must forgive me!”

Karamist623 − Your not ending the relationship, he did that when he cheated.

asiangontear − Notice how he words things. He made in YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to fix the relationship, basically implying that it will be YOUR FAULT if you don't take him back.

He might say he regrets what he did, but make no mistake, this dude is NOT taking responsibility AT ALL. Let's say he didn't cheat. Let's just imagine that scenario. You still have this spineless a**hole pushing blame ON YOU every time he fucks up. Life threw you a bone by showing who he really is. Take this opportunity and do something good for yourself.

sleeeppyyyyyy − He’s not even taking responsibility. He’s blaming you for leaving when he’s the one who threw away a 4 year relationship for some 🐱. I hope he fucks off soon so you can live your best life.

This update paints a vivid picture of resilience, as a young woman holds her ground against a tide of manipulation and regretful texts. Her story reminds us that true apologies require accountability, not excuses dressed up as love. It challenges us to consider the strength it takes to walk away from a tainted past.

What would you do when faced with a partner who refuses to respect your boundaries? Share your thoughts below—let’s keep this conversation alive!

For those who want to read the sequel: update 2: Am I wrong for breaking up with my boyfriend?
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