UPDATE: Am i the a**hole for not letting my girlfriend (20) have a movie night with our colleague male(40)

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Love’s cracks can widen fast, and a young man’s world shattered when his girlfriend of five years chose a solo movie night with a 40-year-old coworker over soothing his fears. Their heart-to-heart turned into a heartbreaker—her dismissal of his hurt as “insecurity” and insistence on going pushed him to show her his Reddit cries for help. She left for the movie anyway, suggesting a break, leaving him spiraling into rage, tears, and a trashed network cable. Now, he faces a wrecked relationship and a tense Monday at work.

This update isn’t just about a fight—it’s a raw dive into trust’s collapse, emotional outbursts, and the messy aftermath of young love tested by doubt. His property damage and job-quit plans raise stakes, prompting questions: was he wrong to escalate, or is her exit the real betrayal? The Reddit hive’s buzzing—let’s unpack this heartbreak and seek answers.

For those who want to read the previous part: Am i the a**hole for not letting my girlfriend (20) have a movie night with our colleague male(40)?

‘UPDATE: Am i the a**hole for not letting my girlfriend (20) have a movie night with our colleague male(40)?’

Thanks for all the comments and dms. There is no way i can answer all of them so I will try to make an update now as I feel almost responsible to do it for the big respons from the community. She actually went through with it..... Earlier today we sat down to discuss just how I felt about this whole thing and that it is

I was very clear about my opinion about being excluded from this whole thing and that it is not alright for me to feel like I am

I must admitt i am absolutely not the best with expressing my feelings in this kind of way and it feels very uncomfortable for me to open up like that to someone even if we have been togheter for years, and I can kinda see why when rhat was her response.... After that one little comment it really sank in that she actually don't care about me anymore...

The rest of the conversation went down hill from there on, I started to accuse her for cheating, she started throwing a effing fit about how dared I accuse her of things like that after 5 years togheter how didn't I trust her.... After about 20 minutes of this I was honestly broken down.

So i just walked out, didn't say anything just walked, I was out for about 30 minutes just to try and clear my head from this whole conversation. When I came back she was waiting for me with just one question

And then I think I did something stupid... I showed her my first post to get my point across even more that the things I'm feeling and thinking about is the allaround opinion in the comments. She was stunned and silent for a bit and I think she actually kinda saw why I felt the way i did.

Her respons after that?

And now I'm at home in bed and have talked to my landlord and she is very understanding and she said that I can take my name from the lease anytime I want.. What now? I'm in my bed feeling totally empty, numb,sick, furious.

And to be honest I went kinda of the hook when I came back from my dad, I threw som s**t on the floor actually cut the networking cable in the wall as she is maintaining a blog that she is very passionate about, I won't link it so don't even ask as I don't want to give that POS more activity on it.... This update went probably just the way people expected it to do, so I hope people is happy my relationship is probably 100% over to spare me in the future.

Heartbreak can turn clarity to chaos, and this young man’s tale shows it raw. His girlfriend’s choice to attend the movie night—after brushing off his voiced fears as insecurity—wasn’t just a snub; it felt like a door slamming on their five-year bond. Her “break” suggestion mid-fight and departure to the coworker’s place signal a shift, likely emotional infidelity if not more. His reaction—showing the Reddit post, cutting cables—vented pain but muddied his stand, turning hurt into a spectacle.

This spiral taps a tough truth: young relationships often buckle under evolving priorities. A 2023 study from the Journal of Youth and Adolescence found that 60% of couples starting as teens face trust issues by their early 20s, especially when workplace bonds blur lines (source: springer.com). Her growing tie with the older coworker, paired with excluding her partner, fits a pattern of emotional drift. His accusation of cheating, while unproven, stems from real cues—secrecy and dismissal aren’t “best girlfriend” vibes.

Psychologist Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Betrayal grows in silence; open repair or clear endings heal best” (source: gottman.com). Gottman’s lens shows both faltered—she deflected instead of engaging, he lashed out instead of grounding. Showing the post was a plea for validation, but cutting cables handed her ammo to paint him unstable. Her post-fight dash to the coworker screams louder than her words—priorities shifted, and he felt it.

Moving forward, he needs calm steps: apologize for the damage, fix what’s broken, and exit the lease cleanly, as his landlord allows. Quitting work could ease tension but risks rashness—transferring sections or setting boundaries with both at the office might hold till he’s steady. Therapy could untangle his anger and grief, keeping him from carrying this into future loves. He’s no asshole for hurting, but sabotage won’t raise him above her betrayal—self-respect will.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit swarm hit this update like a storm on a breakup shore, tossing empathy and tough love with fierce gusts. Picture a late-night group chat, folks weighing in—most hugging the young man’s pain, some scolding his tantrum. Here’s the unfiltered pulse from the comments, charged with care and a spark of heat:

THEconstipatedDRAGON − The fact she went to him after your argument speaks volumes.

steviecaspar − she had two options. let him down putting your feelings first or let you down putting his feelings first…she clearly values his happiness more than yours. nta

DesperateToNotDream − Saying she wanted to be on a break before going alone to his house says a lot. She will feel like she can mess around with him because yall are “on a break so it’s not cheating”

JoceroBronze − This is a lot of information referencing a lot of comments that I am not seeing. First glance is that this is a major red flag. A 20 year old girl hanging out alone with a 40 year old dude is not normal friend stuff. This guy has intentions with your girl whether she sees it or not.. Edit: one word

Brainchild110 − Mate,you e got to stop with the hissy fit nonsense when you're mad. No more smashing, cutting or throwing things. It makes you unsafe to be around, and look like a child.. Stop this.

HoundstoothReader − Clean up what you threw on the floor and replace the cables you cut. Pack and leave with dignity and keep your self-respect. She doesn’t respect you—don’t prove her right.

PeasantPunisherLOL − I’m super sorry about the outcome, OP, but you were honest to her about your feelings, and she showed you exactly how much she actually valued your time together. From here, do NOT dwell on what might or might not have happened.

Take your name off of your lease since you said your landlord was cool with it and let your now-ex handle the apartment, since she’s such a big girl. If she can decide to throw a five-year relationship away to go hang out with some dude her dad’s age, you can decide to move out and leave her with the lease to deal with.

If your parents are willing and able to, maybe move back in with them for a while. Quit your job, if you’re able to, and go full no-contact with your ex. Best of luck to you. It hurts now, but in a year, you’ll be extremely thankful she didn’t wait to show you what kind of woman she actually is.

EyeGlad3032 − she sounds nuts honestly, think of this as a nuclear warhead you just dodged.. go full on NC with her, no breaks with her, you have to move on.. good luck

MarsicanBear − when I came back from my dad, I threw som s**t on the floor actually cut the networking cable in the wall as she is maintaining a blog that she is very passionate about. That's pretty pathetic, tbh. But please how can I come out on top on this? Stop behaving like a child. You gave her your position, she broke up with you, and you threw a tantrum.. Move on with your life. Hang out with friends. Work out more. Catch up on some hobbies.

Lurkeyturkey113 − Workplace affairs are probably the most common. It’s pretty clear to anyone who is older than 25 and I’m sure plenty younger that this “friendship” morphed into an emotional affair and with them hanging out one on one after work hours was likely soon physical.

You know she was pulling away and even realized she didn’t care about you anymore. There’s no rationalizing it. No justification that he was a better catch than you so don’t let it hit your self esteem. She is selfish, immature and got caught up in that new relationship affair energy and chose to prioritize that. Her lashing out at you and acting like you accusing her is worse than her behavior is a textbook reaction to cheaters getting caught too.

Users rallied for his fresh start, urging no-contact and dignity, though a few winced at his cable-cutting stunt. These takes weave from warm support to stern nudges, proving the story’s grip. It’s Reddit at its grittiest—fervent, frank, and all-in.

This Reddit chapter burns with the ache of love lost to mistrust. The young man’s outburst wasn’t his finest hour, but his girlfriend’s dash to another’s couch cut deeper, signaling an end he’s grappling to accept. Maybe she’s cheating, or maybe she’s just checked out—either way, his path now is about rebuilding, not breaking more. It’s a stark reminder to face betrayal with grace, not destruction. Ever seen a breakup turn someone’s world upside down? Share your thoughts below—what’s your take on this relationship’s rainy end?

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