[Update] Am I in the wrong for telling my ex-husband that our kids are justified in feeling like they don’t have a father?

Jonathan Hours
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The living room was heavy with unspoken truths as a single mom faced her ex-husband, his eyes brimming with tears and accusations. Years after his affair tore their family apart, she’s been the rock for their two kids, now 12 and 8, while he’s built a new life with his stepchildren. But when their children started pulling away—rejecting his bedtime stories and calling their uncle “dad”—he pointed the finger at her, igniting a firestorm of raw emotions and long-buried grievances.

This isn’t just about missed child support or a computer gift; it’s about a father’s absence and a mother’s fight to shield her kids from heartbreak. As family tensions boiled over at a birthday party, secrets unraveled, and even his own mother turned against him . Let’s unpack this Reddit saga, where loyalty, regret, and consequences collide.

For those who want to read the previous part: Am I in the wrong for telling my ex-husband that our kids are justified in feeling like they don’t have a father?

‘[Update] Am I in the wrong for telling my ex-husband that our kids are justified in feeling like they don’t have a father?’

Now, back to the topic. My ex sent me messages saying he wanted to resolve things, stop arguing, and talk to me. I agreed. He came to my house, and we didn’t beat around the bush we went straight to the point. He asked me if I really thought he was a bad father. I replied that, looking back now, I never would’ve chosen him to be the father of my children.

He said it wasn’t easy for him, and I answered that it wasn’t easy for me either because I take on both his role and mine. He told me he couldn’t leave his stepchildren without a father because he had already broken their family, and I replied that he had left his own children without a father.

He started crying and told me it was my fault, saying that when the infidelity happened, I refused to forgive him or go to couples therapy. I kept telling him things I’ll admit they weren’t kind, but none of them were lies. He asked me if, given his current state, I didn’t feel sorry for him, and I said no.

He told me he didn’t think I could be so cruel, and I replied that when I changed jobs, pulled my kids out of school two months before the end of the term, moved houses, and watched him disappoint our kids over and over again, any empathy I might have felt turned into apathy.. He left after that.

His mother called me and said she knew what I had told her son, that he hadn’t stopped crying, and that she didn’t understand how I could carry so much h**red to hurt her son like that. She said I should just get over it. I answered, “With all due respect, what I said wasn’t out of h**red but out of truth.

If your son is crying, it’s because he’s finally facing the consequences of his actions. Maybe instead of worrying about how he feels now, you should’ve taught him to take responsibility and treat people with respect.” She said I didn’t know what it was like to feel a mother’s love and see a child suffer, and I replied that I did understand because I have two children who cry over a living father.

Two children who see their dad being a father to other kids when he doesn’t have time to be their father. She said he was sorry, and I told her not to put words in his mouth and to stop calling me about anything related to her son. I hung up. I wanted to cry so badly, but I’m a “damned mother,” and I don’t have time for that.

I want my kids to feel safe, loved, and strong enough not to need anyone not even me to be themselves. Last Thursday, I took my kids to their cousins’ birthday party, hosted by my ex sister in law. I still have a good relationship with her; she was the one who told me about the infidelity and that her mother was already encouraging it.

My ex showed up alone and irritated. My kids kept their distance from him they kissed his hand but then ignored him completely. My ex-mother-in-law told the kids they should show more respect to their father, and my eldest replied that he doesn’t show respect for me since he and his partner talk badly about me.

I scolded my son, not for what he said but for how he addressed his grandmother. I told him it was wrong to eavesdrop on private conversations and repeat them. Then I asked him to gather his things because we were leaving. My ex mother in law asked me not to leave, saying the kids were having fun and we could resolve this as adults.

She asked my ex what he had said, and he claimed not to remember. I told her I didn’t care, and she said we should be good parents. I replied that to be good parents, you need to be good people first. My ex was getting agitated. My ex mother in law asked why we couldn’t have a civilized co parenting relationship.

I told her everything I’ve mentioned here about his free will to see the kids and how the second custody agreement isn’t working since he only sees them some weekends. My ex didn’t want to discuss it, saying he had too many kids at home. My ex mother in law told him the only kids who should feel comfortable are his, and the comfort of the others should be provided by their biological father.

My ex wanted to end the conversation because his mother was scolding him for being a careless father. He also said it was my fault. I asked him to clarify how it was my fault. “You can see the kids whenever you want; what more do you want?” He started yelling, claiming I was only being petty because I didn’t really need the money since I earned more than him and had fewer kids to feed.

I told him I wouldn’t continue the conversation and that I’d show him what being uncivilized looks like by filing for the overdue child support payments. His mother asked what I meant by “overdue payments.” I explained that he was three months behind. She was furious, slapped him, and demanded to know what he had done with the money for his children.

He answered, “I couldn’t let JR miss out on attending the same school as my son. I didn’t want him to feel inferior.”. My ex mother in law said she couldn’t believe it, and they started arguing. I left. (Yet for context, my youngest son attends a private school, and my ex pays for his stepson to attend the same school.)

Yesterday, my ex mother in law came over and said she would pay the overdue fees. She brought the money in cash. I knew my ex would be furious. Here’s some context: my ex mother in law doesn’t work, doesn’t own anything herself, and lives with my ex sister in law. However, she does have significant savings from her inheritance.

If she pays the tuition, my ex knows there won’t be much left for him when she passes, even though she’s still healthy. He’s been asking her for years to invest some of that money in his business ideas, but she’s always refused.. My ex’s retaliation was not picking up the kids this weekend. Yesterday, my ex sister in law called me.

She doesn’t know all the details yet, but apparently, my ex’s 15 year old stepson punched him in the mouth. She said she’ll let me know exactly what happened once she finds out. And before anyone asks, the new custody agreement will likely take a year to finalize. The court says the overdue payments are the priority, and the rest can wait. “We have more urgent cases.”

Co-parenting after infidelity is like navigating a minefield blindfolded—one misstep can detonate years of pent-up pain. This mother’s clash with her ex-husband reveals a stark truth: his absence has left their children feeling fatherless, and his attempts to shift blame only deepen the wound. Her blunt honesty wasn’t cruelty; it was a mirror reflecting his choices.

The ex’s prioritization of his stepchildren over his own kids points to a common issue in blended families. Dr. Patricia Papernow, a stepfamily expert, notes, “Stepparents often overcompensate with stepchildren to build bonds, inadvertently neglecting biological kids” (source: Surviving and Thriving in Stepfamily Relationships). Here, his financial and emotional investment in his stepson’s school over his own son’s needs underscores this imbalance.

A 2022 study from the Journal of Divorce & Remarriage found that 65% of children in blended families feel sidelined by a parent’s new partner or step-siblings (source). The kids’ rejection of their dad’s gestures—like bedtime stories—reflects this emotional drift. His mother’s intervention, while well-intentioned, highlights a family enabling his irresponsibility.

For solutions, Dr. Papernow suggests consistent, quality time with biological kids to rebuild trust. The ex needs to prioritize his children’s needs, perhaps through family therapy, to mend bonds. For parents in similar situations, open dialogue with kids about their feelings can prevent resentment, fostering stronger connections despite family challenges.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit erupted with reactions to this update, dishing out sympathy, shade, and a few choice words for the ex. Here’s the community’s unfiltered take:

SnooWoofers496 − At least his mama finally got some f**king sense…her son is a piece of s**t

Odd_Welcome7940 − When the evil MIL turns on her spoiled child you know he was 100% wrong. Its not even a question of perspective anymore.

kirinspeaks − Wow. Still NTA.

Good_Ad6336 − Oh look at that, it’s the consequences of his actions.. Hang in there hon! You are doing great and things will work out for you.

spiritoftg − Meh, your ex deserved the punch. He's a deadbeat

Influence-Lower − Holy Moly, obviously NTA. You seem to be handling this very well and with grace. I'm glad your children are supporting you, but it sucks that they have a father that is continuously failing them. Also PLEASE let us know when you find out the tea about why he got punched in the face. I was already invested, but now doubly so.

Neither-Entrance-208 − He's feeling a lot of regret with a split lip. I hope to hear more soon. He's giving his children nothing, giving the step kids everything and still got punched by the 15yo? He's clearly not much of a father figure even when he's giving the attention. I'm sorry for you and your kids suffering. They will grieve their living father with your help now, it will be better than having to figure this out on their own as older teens and young adults

stitcherfromnevada − My mom and dad divorced when I was 5, my sister was 2. I found out years later that prior to the divorce being finalized, my parents were going to try one more time, “for the kids”. I guess the week prior to him moving back home he met his eventual 2nd wife. She had 3 young kids. He told my mom he couldn’t leave them, they had no dad. My mom said “and now YOUR two kids have no dad!!!”. Make it make sense.

TheSilentObserver76 − Well isn’t your ex a useless sack of ….. he will only have himself to blame when his bio kids want nothing to do with him and it sounds like his ‘chosen’ children won’t be far behind. My heart goes out to your children and I know they realise how much you have their backs.

Secret_Double_9239 − NTA you are advocating for your children which is what a parent should do. Hopefully ex MIL wakes up to the situation and stops enabling him and she can have a good relationship with her grandchildren.

From cheering the mom’s strength to speculating on that stepson’s punch, Redditors are hooked. But do these hot takes offer real insight, or are they just fueling the drama? One thing’s clear: this story’s got everyone talking.

This update lays bare the cost of a father’s choices, as his kids grow distant and his family fractures under the weight of his neglect. The mom’s fierce advocacy for her children shines, but the path forward remains rocky. Will her ex step up, or will his kids move on without him? If you were in her shoes, how would you handle a co-parent who keeps letting their kids down? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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