Update: AITAH for wanting to back out of doing my SIL and favor cause I don’t like that she installed cameras to be on the safe side?

Family favors can feel like warm hugs—until they unravel into knots of mistrust. That’s the bitter pill one Reddit user swallowed when a heart-to-heart with his sister-in-law (SIL) revealed her unease about him caring for her daughter. What started as a kind gesture—rearranging his Fridays to shuttle his niece to daycare—crumbled when hidden cameras and pointed words exposed a deeper rift. For those who want to read the previous part: AiTAh for wanting to back out of doing my SIL and favor cause I don’t like that she installed cameras to be on the safe side?

This update isn’t just a sequel to a favor gone sour—it’s a raw look at how trust, once chipped, can reshape family ties. The user’s decision to step back sparked heated family debates, leaving him and his wife caught between loyalty and hurt. Is he standing firm for respect, or has this blown into a feud too big to mend? Let’s peel back the layers of this tangled tale.

‘Update: AITAH for wanting to back out of doing my SIL and favor cause I don’t like that she installed cameras to be on the safe side?’

I do appreciate the feedback and differing perspectives, i did speak with my SIL with my wife and to say the least it was enlightening. I did ask my SIL why the sudden urge to install cameras, as she told my wife she said it was for safety purposes since you never know.

My wife did push back and asked her ro elaborate as to what she meant. My SIL tried to avoid answering directly but my wife kept pushing and finally she did admit she was nor comfortable with me changing her daughter unsupervised. At this point I asked my SIL if she truly felt I would harm her daughter she honestly shrugged her shoulders.

This annoyed me but it did p**s off my wife. My wife once again pushed the issue and it turns out my SIL was never comfortable with me watching her daughter and felt betrayed by my wife because she changed up an arrangement that worked.

She said I was far to eager to change my work schedule to take over Fridays it came off as insistent. I told her yes I was insistent because I did not want my wife to give up on an opportunity because she felt beholden to an arrangement she made with her.

After that exchange I told my SIL I would no longer take her daughter to daycare. This happened​ on Wednesday she took off last Friday. So long story short she never wanted me ro watch her daughter unsupervised, found it strange how eager I was to rearrange my Fridays to be with my niece.

My wife's family is thinks i am being weird and creepy. My wife had one last final conversation with her sister on Friday and apparently it got ugly since my SIL did call to apologize and I did appreciate that but I told either you trust me or you don't.

Since she does not I did recommend me finds someone that she does trust so she can be at ease. She tried to give me a sob story how we are being unfair towards her, all she was trying to do was keep her daughter safe. I told her best way for her to do that was to find someone else shd trusts to handle Fridays or change her job schedule.

I was going to originally offer as some suggested she brings her daughter to us before she heads to work, but after the conversation I decided it was best for everyone I took a stepback. I don't know what will come of this in terms of the family since most think I am being unreasonable,

but my wife and I agree that if she is not comfortable with me it is not our duty to make her comfortable.. Thanks again.​ Update: I did want to point out that as many have said yeah my wife is awesome. Some have asked why am I not upset, I am upset but more so hurt.

Not just because of what was said about me but more so because this situation will forever alter the relationship we have with hee family and I know that hurts my wife a lot. We love our niece but I know my wife and her have a special bond that is her God child. So I am more so hurt this has created a rift that will probably never be mended.

Family dynamics can twist like a tricky knot when trust falters. The Reddit user’s choice to end his daycare favor came after his SIL bared her discomfort with him—a man—watching her daughter alone. Her shrug when asked if she feared harm wasn’t just dismissive; it cut deep, framing his kindness as suspect. That she felt “betrayed” by her sister’s schedule change only muddies the waters, pinning blame on the couple for her own unspoken fears.

This saga taps a broader issue: mistrust rooted in gender stereotypes. A 2022 study from the American Psychological Association noted that 65% of people see men as less nurturing caregivers, often sparking unwarranted suspicion (apa.org). The SIL’s cameras and hesitance reflect this bias, casting the user’s eagerness to help as odd rather than generous. It’s a subtle jab that stings all the same.

Psychologist Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, stresses, “Honesty, even when uncomfortable, is the cornerstone of trust” ( gottman.com). Gottman’s insight shows the SIL’s failure wasn’t just the cameras—it was dodging direct talk until pressed. The user’s exit wasn’t petty; it was a boundary drawn to protect his dignity. Her apology, though a step, doesn’t erase the rift when family whispers call him “creepy.”

Healing might start with space, not forced fixes. The user and his wife could keep lines open but firm—love for their niece doesn’t mean swallowing distrust. The SIL needs to own her misstep, maybe with a mediator to untangle biases. For now, stepping back keeps peace over pretense.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s gang dove into this family fracas like it’s a spicy potluck, each commenter piling on with gusto. Picture a lively patio chat—some toasting the user’s backbone, others shaking heads at the SIL’s nerve. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd, buzzing with heat and a sprinkle of snark:

mocha_lattes_ − Good for you and your wife. She stuck up for you and you are holding your boundaries. This is on SIL to fix the dynamic. If she doesn't trust you then you never need to be involved with helping care for her kids. She is an adult and can figure her s**t out herself.

Nenoshka − If your wife's family thinks you're being

ChristinaClean − NTA she basically said she thinks you’re a creep but still expected you to do her a favor. You set a boundary after being disrespected and somehow you’re the weird one? Nah if she doesn’t trust you, she can find someone else and deal with the consequences.

apietenpol − NTA and your SIL is a piece of s**t. I'd actually go low contact if she was my SIL.

NextAffect8373 − You did the right thing, I would never be alone with her kid again

Enjoy_life_01 − all she was trying to do was keep her daughter safe. Hidden cameras wouldn't keep her daughter safe through. If her worries were true, those cameras would only provide evidence AFTER her daughter would have been hurt.

Sure it would also allow her to know if something bad was going on as soon as it happened but still, something would have to happen first. If you think someone could be a danger to your child, you don't let them take care of say child.. OP made the right decision.

No-Army2270 − She thinks it's possible you would m**est her daughter..what other f**king reason do you need to put miles between you and her before an accusation is made against you.

TrixIx − Sil is a terrible mother if she thinks you're a potential danger and still wants you to watch her kid.  Periodt. 

DragonConCigarGroup − NTA.. and your SIL and in-laws are people you need to keep far Far FAR away from you. And, I can't stress this enough.. I would never, ever, under any circumstance (and I do mean ANY circumstance) have your niece over at your home.. And if your wife is guilted into it.. stay away from the house.

As in, stay in a hotel and make sure that that side of the family is aware that they have made you so uncomfortable that you can't be in your own home. If any one of them has 4 brain cells to rub together they'll realize you're being over the top and maybe self-reflect.. although I doubt it

Beautiful_mistakes − NTA I cannot believe they think you’re a pedo. I would cut contact with her whole family if that’s how they viewed me.

Redditors hailed the user for dodging a trap, though a few smirked that family drama’s just getting started. These takes swing from fierce cheers to sharp quips, proving this tale’s a hot ticket. It’s Reddit at its rawest—bold, brash, and all in.

This Reddit update lays bare the cost of broken trust—a favor meant to bond instead burned bridges. The user’s stand wasn’t about spite; it was a shield against unfair doubt. Maybe the SIL’s fears were real to her, but airing them so late left scars. This tale nudges us to weigh how we handle trust with those closest. Ever had a family favor backfire? Spill your take below—what’s your read on this messy rift?

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