UPDATE: AITAH for leaving my boyfriend ‘behind’ when I found out he planned to have a ‘traditional’ family?

Two years after fleeing a relationship steeped in rigid traditions, a young woman returned home to face the echoes of her past. Her ex-boyfriend, still stung by their breakup over his vision of a “traditional” family, lashed out through a friend’s cruel jab at a gathering. Seeking closure, she bravely met him, only to hear his resentment about her “privileged” life abroad. His words, dripping with insecurity, confirmed her choice to prioritize freedom over conformity.

This Reddit update is a poignant blend of empowerment and reflection, unraveling the messy aftermath of clashing values. It’s a tale of courage, cultural divides, and the quest for peace after a breakup. Let’s dive into this saga that’s got Reddit rooting for her strength.

For those who want to read the previous part: AITAH for leaving my boyfriend ‘behind’ when I found out he planned to have a ‘traditional’ family?

‘UPDATE: AITAH for leaving my boyfriend ‘behind’ when I found out he planned to have a ‘traditional’ family?’

I wasn't going to do an update. I just wanted to ask the internet (stupid place to go, I know, but I needed a neutral opinion because people around me either hate my ex or hate me. I am still at my parents, and I told my dad what happened in the gathering.  He chalked it up to my ex being jealous and insecure, and, he told me not to interfere and feel sorry for his fiancée,

because if she is marrying him, then she must know what she's getting into. After blocking my ex a couple of days ago, I actually managed to have the courage enough to ask him through a mutual friend to meet me.  Again, I didn't go alone, and our mutual friend was there the entire time, in case there would be a shouting match or a scene.

We never had any closure, after I broke up with him. I just left. And even though I told him why I was breaking up with him, I never addressed all our problems and when I fell out of love and how he started to feel like a suffocating presence because of his judgement towards my life choices. We met at our friend's house and he apologized for his friend and he said his friend was just being protective.

I said I didn't care, and that I was sorry if I hurt him so badly that even after getting engaged he was mad at me. I know many people may call me a doormat for saying sorry, but I did it for my peace of mind, I don't want to keep any regrets, not from my side. My ex did not scream, but he looked agitated and spoke for a while and I listened.

His main problem was not with me dumping him, but the fact that I have always flaunted I was out of his league. For context, my family is technically well-off, and my family has mostly liberal people, so not only are children in my family not taught that much gendered roles, most relatives (including my parents) never approve of their kids marrying into a religious family.

How that made me flaunt anything, I still didn't get. To sum it up, my ex said that I made him feel like he was never good enough for me to marry him, I certainly didn't love him enough or I'd compromise, and he has only felt inadequate our entire relationship because I acted like I was too good for his joint family ( where wives and mothers are still expected to wake up at the ass crack of dawn because.....WOMEN).

He also said that his fiancé will always respect his mom (I have never disrespected his mom) and his mother said 'ultra-modern' women don't make good wives. He also told me he felt like I keep on flaunting a picture-perfect life abroad and he felt awful because he lost me because he was not born as privileged as I was and he was stuck here.

I didn't feel like I needed to explain anything more to him after he was done speaking. It was..okay. Honestly, it's kind of relieving that he is a bit of a red-pill i**ot and that I hadn't caused actual damage to a genuinely good person. The only part that stung was when he said I had a picture-perfect life abroad because I don't have that.

It's a new country, a new culture and a new language and while the quality of life may be more and I have my good days, that doesn't mean I don't struggle. I miss my language, my home and my parents a lot. Just because you post selfies of places doesn't mean life is all sunshine and roses, unlike what social media thinks.

It was relieving, ultimately. I don't think I even know what closure actually means, and technically I'm doing good in life, all things considered. I will be okay, mostly.. Thank you guys. You all were very nice in the replies.

This closure quest lays bare the raw tension of irreconcilable values. Her ex’s vision of a “traditional” family, rooted in gender roles she rejected, sparked their split. His accusations during their meeting—that she flaunted superiority and lacked love by refusing to “compromise”—reveal a man grappling with inferiority, not her actions. Her apology, far from weakness, was a bid for personal peace.

This clash mirrors a global shift. A 2024 UN Women report notes 60% of young women in urban areas prioritize career and autonomy over traditional roles, clashing with patriarchal expectations (source). Her ex’s family, steeped in joint-family norms, expected her to conform, a pressure many face in collectivist cultures.

Psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner says, “Closure comes from owning your truth, not changing someone else’s” (source). Her decision to listen without defending herself shows maturity, letting his red-pill rhetoric expose his unchanged mindset. His claim of her “picture-perfect” life abroad ignores her struggles, projecting his insecurities.

For others, early discussions on values—using resources like The Gottman Institute (source)—can prevent such rifts. Therapy or journaling can ease post-breakup guilt. She’s carving her path abroad, proving resilience. Readers, how do you find closure when values clash?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit brought the heat, serving up cheers and shade like a spicy street food stall. Here’s what the community dished out, with a chuckle: when an ex’s traditionalist rant flops, the internet’s got quips sharper than a tailor’s scissors!

Square-Minimum-6042 − Good. I wouldn't call you a doormat for wanting closure. He said his piece and confirmed you made the right choice.

Vivid-Farm6291 − Sounds like he made himself inferior. He thought you were out of his league therefore you must also think that.. Be glad you dodged that bullet. His mother thinks that women who are ultra modern don’t make good wives? Is that because they expect a man that can actually adult and not have to mother them as well as work full time, raise kids and have a spotless home?

StrangledInMoonlight − I certainly didn't love him enough or I'd compromise Dude didn’t love YOU enough to actually value you ad a *person* and his equal and partner.  He only saw you as a subservient thing to how to his wants.   I wish you the best in life, and I hope his socks are always wet and his food always the wrong temperature.

Corfiz74 −

ten-toed-tuba − He didn't lose you because he's less privileged, he

I have no doubt that your life is filled with frustrations and sadness, but it's YOURS and you get to choose what you do, where you go, and who you share your life with. Enjoy your freedom and your family that raised you to be more than your ex's property.. Edited for a typo

National-Pressure202 − Proud of you that took a lot of courage and strength to hear him out. I hope you have gained the closure you were seeking. I hope you find happiness on whatever avenue you choose.

[Reddit User] −  he was never good enough for me to marry him. Well, he obviously wasn't.

No-Rooster-6030 − This guy will never be satified with his life , he will find excuse for each of his failure. your meeting just showed you your incompability, and whoa no acountability from his part, otherwise i understood why you are tired with him , and not explain to him your side. seems like you said a red pill i**ot, and he wanted you to feel guilty

as his seems like a very narcissist egoist person, i think he will never undestatand your side so don't let him deter you, instead , i have the impression that his attitude released you and make you at peace with your decision.

PolygonMan −

Even if it rarely worked out well 70 years ago and people are nostalgic about a literally fake Hollywood representation of life in the 1950's. But the moment you decide that how much someone loves you is equal to how much they will fit into your preconceptions, is the moment you become a real piece of s**t.

Loving partners love each other for who they are. Even if you push your partner to be better, do better, you aren't pushing for them to be someone else. I am always struck time and again by the pure selfishness of the MAGA and MAGA-adjacent communities. They really believe in hierarchy, they really believe those at the bottom exist to serve those at the top, and they put themselves at the top.

OkCharity3133 − You have nothing to feel sorry or have sympathy for him. That dumb guy asks you to compromise and in turn he will do nothing for you. Good riddance. Don't look back. Don't think he is a good and nice guy.

These Reddit takes are a mix of fist-bumps and roasts, but do they grasp her emotional journey? Or are they just cheering from the sidelines?

This update is a testament to choosing oneself over outdated expectations, even when closure stings. Her ex’s bitterness—masking his own inadequacy—only solidified her escape from a life of subservience. Yet, her lingering guilt and homesickness remind us that freedom isn’t without cost. What would you do if faced with a partner’s rigid ideals? Share your thoughts—have you fought for closure or walked away from a cultural clash?

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