[UPDATE] AITA for taking my daughter out to eat?

A quiet dinner turned into a family storm for a 39-year-old father, caught between his daughter’s hunger and his wife’s dismissive choices. The kitchen, lit by a soft oven glow, held a plate of barbecue chicken and garlic rice—foods his 16-year-old daughter couldn’t stomach. Her silent hunger revealed a deeper issue: a stepmother’s neglect, prioritizing her own son’s tastes.

This clash exposes the fragile threads of a blended family, where cooking becomes a battleground for care and control. The father’s discovery of his wife’s intentional disregard sparked a heated row, shaking trust. Reddit’s fiery takes fuel this update, as the father grapples with his marriage and his daughter’s well-being. Let’s dive into this tense family saga.

For those who want to read the previous part: AITA for taking my daughter out to eat?

‘[UPDATE] AITA for taking my daughter out to eat?’

I got home about an hour ago and was reading the comments for about 15 minutes (I'll be answering questions at the end of this post). The talk with my wife went ok-ish. I asked her what was going on. My wife was hesitant as she didn't want to have this talk at all. But finally she said she hates cooking for my daughter.

She said that it was to much to go out of her way to constantly go out of her way to accommodate her and how annoying it was to always make sure the food is cooked to a certain texture and seasoned to my daughter's liking she then revealed that she stopped cooking food the way my daughter liked because our son didnt like it.

She then proceeded to say that my daughter just needs to grow as it was only food and wouldn't kill her and how her being picky was just to draining. I asked why she didn't have a sit down with our kids to make some sort of compromise and she said her son needs came before my daughters.

She also revealed that she had straight up stopped buying more than half of my daughters personalized grocery list because it was a waste of money and that our son what snacks that he wanted. I was dumbfounded and asked her if she was just going to let my daughter go hungry, to which she responded by sayibg all she has to do is eat the food she cooked.

I asked her what was draining about putting 1 or 2 pieces of plain chicken aside. She said that I wouldn't get it because I didn't cook for my daughter like she did. Which was true as I'm at work from 5-9 and i only cook dinner on weekends, holidays and holiday breaks .

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She apologized to me but suggested that I should convince my daughter to eat the food she doesn't like because it would make everyone's life easier. I then asked her If she would think the same thing if it was our son and she didn't respond which was answer enough.

I don't know what to do now, If she's willing to let my daughter go hungry how else would she be willing to n**lect my daughter? What should I do now? (Q-A) My daughter is in no way overweight ans she doesn't only eat junk food for vegetables she eats carrots, lettuce, corn, asparagus, and cucumbers.

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For fruit she eats watermelon, dragonfruit, apples, and mangos. My daughter can in fact cook. The only reason she did not is because her fall break is coming up and my wife didn't buy her entire grocery list so she saving it. Which is honestly crazy because no kid should have to worry about how much food they can eat when they're hungry.

My daughter told her bio mom and she upset and is suggesting that my daughter goes to live with her. My daughter chooses who she spends the year with herself and if she wants to go I won't stop her because I don't want my daughter in a house she's being neglected in.

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Also I DO NOT in ANY way force my wife to cook for my daughter, in fact she insists on cooking for her, and if she came to Me and said she didn't want to cook for my daughter I would understand and wake up early to fix her food for the day or switch my schedule around.

My wife goes on 1 grocery run for the entire month so if she isn't getting everything on my daughter's grocery list of course my daughter meals will be limited. I talked with My daughter and she isn't mad at my wife at all and is even pushing me to forgive her.

It's frustrating cause my 16 year old daughter is trying to fix our marriage while my wife basically said she could care less about my daughter. My daughter is also willing to go grocery shopping with my wife and pay for her own food so there isn't anymore conflict.

Some people were saying she might have AFRID disorder and I'm definitely going to look into it. Any advice on what course of action I should take with my wife? On one had I love her on the other I can fathom the idea of being with someone who is willing to n**lect my daughter.

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When a family dinner becomes a battlefield, it’s not just about food—it’s about trust. The father’s discovery that his wife intentionally sidelined his daughter’s dietary needs for her son’s preferences exposes a troubling dynamic of favoritism in their blended family. This isn’t a one-off oversight; it’s a pattern that risks alienating a teen already navigating a complex household.

Dr. Lisa Damour, a clinical psychologist specializing in adolescents, emphasizes, “Children in blended families need to feel seen and valued by all caregivers to thrive” (Psychology Today). A 2023 study in the Journal of Family Issues found that 65% of stepchildren in blended families report feeling marginalized when stepparents show clear favoritism (Wiley Online Library). The wife’s refusal to stock the daughter’s preferred foods, forcing her to spend her own money, borders on neglect, undermining her sense of belonging.

The wife’s defensive stance—dismissing the daughter’s pickiness as “draining”—ignores the teen’s valid needs. Dr. Damour suggests collaborative solutions: “Involve all family members in meal planning to foster inclusion.” The father could ensure his daughter’s grocery list is met, perhaps by shopping himself, and explore if her pickiness warrants professional evaluation, like for ARFID. A family therapist could help address the wife’s bias, but her lack of remorse raises red flags about long-term harmony.

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Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit crowd didn’t hold back, rallying behind the dad with a mix of outrage and practical advice for this family fiasco. They called out the wife’s behavior as a dealbreaker, urging action to protect the daughter. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the digital crew:

No_Atmosphere_5132 − Someone intentionally neglecting my child would be a dealbreaker for me. Love is not enough to forgive intentional n**lect of a child. Lack of communication for not coming to you with these issues is another huge red flag.

Plus, you’re now aware of the food thing, but what other passive aggressive things is she doing that you’re not aware of? I’m sorry I don’t have advice…. I just see red when people are mistreating kids.

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unknown_928121 − My dude, your wife is willing to let your daughter go hungry in your home in favour of her son. Does your love for her mean more to you than your kid?

GuestLong4237 − Your wife is an AH. She literally said she doesn’t care about your daughter. Go to family counseling, let your daughter live with her mother, or get a divorce. This is disturbing.

Impressive_Car3232 − Wow. I hate your wife.

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Casianh − You have a sixteen year old pushing her father to forgive the woman who was intentionally and maliciously neglecting her, even going so far as to offer to pay for her own groceries. That tells me the abuse is almost certainly worse than what you saw/were told.

Your wife resents your daughter and is willing to starve her over that. It would be foolish to stay with her but downright awful to keep exposing your daughter to her. Your daughter deserves better.

Living-Quit7137 − Well I can understand how your wife is tired of cooking and since that is partially the case then your wife should be buying the food your daughter wants and then have your daughter cook her own food.

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On to the bigger issue your wife favors your step son over your daughter, you need to talk to your daughter and ask her privately what your wife is like when your not around. Your daughter probably hasn’t said anything yet because she doesn’t want to upset you or in fear of ruining your happiness.

Your daughter probably wants you to forgive your wife cause she may not want your step son to go through a divorced household but idk 🤷‍♀️. But your wife’s n**lect is not okay it’s time for you to decide if this is a marriage you want to continue.

INFO: is your wife a stay at home mom cause who’s money is she paying with for the groceries? If it’s your money then you should most certainly have a say in what groceries are being bought.

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FrontRelief7611 − So her precious little prince gets whatever the f**k he wants, but your daughter can go f**k herself basically? That's exactly what she just told you, just in different words. If you stay with this trashy ass woman you are definitely THE A**HOLE

liferant15_ − Some people seem to be confused. While I do love every other aspect of my wife, my daughter is definitely coming before anything. I've already started looking for divorce lawyers. The only person who is suggesting I stay with my wife is my daughter.

All of my family and friends are upset because they've had no problem accommodating my daughters palette and are calling my wife unreasonable, and I agree. People are also asking why I don't go grocery shopping for my daughter.

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Instead, this is because my wife insists on doing everything so I can focus on work. Which hasn't been a problem until this incident. Also, if my daughter leaves, I will have absolutely no reason to stay with my wife, she suggesting the same compromises that most people in the comment section are.

Logical_Ruse − I’m not going to tell you what you need to do with your wife, there is so much more to a relationship than what is put on Reddit. I will say her behavior toward your daughter is pretty ugly. She doesn’t even want to put aside some chicken for your daughter.

And her answer to your question on what she would do if it was your son who was the picky eater was very telling. In the meantime, until you decide what permanent decision you need to make, you should make sure your daughter is eating.

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Whether it be at her mother’s or you take her to the grocery store yourself to make sure she gets what she needs. I would not trust your wife with this and definitely don‘t make your daughter pay for her food.

If you have even a passing thought that your wife will retaliate even the slightest bit, send your daughter to her mother’s until you handle this. Make sure your daughter knows that none of this is her fault, and that your wife is the one who erred. That the way your wife handled this is where you had the problem.

Your wife didn’t talk to you about what was going on, she made a unilateral decision regarding her (your daughter‘s) eating habits, and never told you that she was going without.Your wife failed as a partner and a stepparent in multiple ways and needs to earn forgiveness, not just be given it.

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Seriously your wife hasn’t even apologized. I would probably add somewhere that your relationship with your wife is not her responsibility and maybe even add that she probably wouldn’t want you butting into her relationship problems anymore than you want her in your relationship.

I would also address that your daughter allowed all this to go on without telling you or even her mother until it was out in the open, which is concerning. Definitely ask her why she didn’t feel safe coming to you.

I’m sure you will get a lot of advice on here, and I’m sure others will have a few notes on mine lol, but I hope you get out of your post what you need to provide your daughter a safe place with you.

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jaydenB44 − I’m not gonna lie, I think your wife is awful. The fact that your daughter is trying to downplay things further amplifies the magnitude of your wife’s misdeeds. She deliberately chose to leave your daughter without food. As though not setting aside some things for her wasn’t crappy enough - she went further by not even stocking the foods she could prepare for herself.

It’s beyond neglectful. I also notice that you view and refer to the second c child as your son. You seem to show as much concern and regard for the child. Yet she maliciously expects a 16-year-old to be financially responsible for providing her own meals. Why?

I hope you spend more time contemplating the full implications of what she’s admitting to you. You must see it goes well beyond this specific situation. Consider this: what if something happened to you? Have you taken adequate steps to ensure your daughter’s best interests are represented and protected regarding your estate?

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Or are you assuming that your spouse would honor any wishes you’ve expressed? I encourage you to sit down and consider worst-case scenarios and determine how you feel about those realizations.

How many teenagers are moody balls of angst who loathe stepmothers and new step-siblings? Here’s your daughter, who has challenges but has been going out of her way to shield you to not rock the boat.. I am but an internet stranger, and I feel a deep anger toward your wife.

Redditors cheered the dad’s commitment but slammed the wife’s blatant favoritism, with some pushing for divorce or therapy. Others worried about unseen neglect, given the daughter’s reluctance to speak up. But do these fiery takes capture the full stakes, or are they just fanning the flames? One thing’s clear: this family’s food fight has sparked a heated debate.

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This heart-wrenching update reveals the cracks in a blended family, where a teen’s hunger became a casualty of step-parental bias. The father’s stand for his daughter is a testament to parental love, but the wife’s refusal to compromise raises tough questions about trust and fairness. It’s a story that hits home for anyone navigating family divides. What would you do if you discovered a loved one was being sidelined in your own home? Share your thoughts below!

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