UPDATE: AITA for refusing to babysit my nephews again for free?

Imagine a birthday shadowed by dread, as a woman steps out of her car to find her sister waiting—not with gifts, but accusations. Months ago, she drew a line, refusing to babysit her nephews for free under her sister’s manipulative demands. Now, that choice has unleashed a storm: abusive texts, a doorstep confrontation, and a CPS investigation into her sister’s parenting.

Her heart aches for her nephews, yet her resolve hardens—she won’t be guilt-tripped again. With her fiancé by her side, she navigates a fractured family bond, wondering if she’s lost her nephews forever. Readers, brace for an update packed with raw emotion, tough calls, and the cost of standing tall.

For those who want to read the previous part: [AITA for refusing to babysit my nephews again for free?].

‘UPDATE: AITA for refusing to babysit my nephews again for free?’

My (29 f) sister C (27 f) has two boys (3.5 and 2) and C uses me as a free babysitter almost every day. It's gotten worse with her name calling me if I have other plans and her punishing me and the kids next time by leaving the house messy and not preparing food, only coming home after I've done what she demanded (clean, cook, bath time etc). I finally told her I can't do this anymore and made her choose to either go low contact or agree to my terms watching the boys in the future..

Update:. A lot has happened. I'm trying to write concisely. 1. During the first 24h after me telling her that ultimatum I decided not to answer her calls or texts to let her cool down. She called 77 times, send over a 100 texts and voice messages. They're mostly just her calling me a horrible person who abandons her family.

2. I outlined a few rules with my fiance's help for the future if she comes to her senses and agrees to my terms. I wanted them to be ready even though it looked like she will never come around. I had conditions like I could watch them up to 3 times in 2 weeks, not more than 4 hours at a time. Meals needed to be provided. No bath time or bed time. I'm not spending any money.

3. I got messages from an unknown number (fiance says it's an app or something) saying how horrible of a sister I am because now they have to watch their mom die alone without C there to comfort them. Based on the suspitions I had earlier and the language similarities I think this was my sister pretending to be her friend.

4. I talked to my supervisor on Friday afternoon and asked for her opinion. I first asked if it was ok to talk about personal stuff and she was great about it. I don't work with children and CPS has never been a part of my work so I wanted to double check with someone more senior. We made a report together on C. The supervisor said it's better to do so especially now that it's escalated and she might retaliate against me by hurting the boys in some way as she's obviously not above that.

5. I'm probably going to give her next week to cool off before resuming contact, and depending on what the messages/voice messages say then, I might contact her. If they are as abusive as now, I probably won't respond at all. It makes me unbelievably upset but I hope the boys will also get a more stable environment without me as she's using them as pawns with me.

6. Fiance says hello and wants everyone to know he's here for me and wants to assure everyone I'm not really that bad of a doormat, just for C for some reason.. 7. I'm looking into counceling through my work, it's too expensive out of pocket.

hanks for the messages and the shift kicks I obviously needed. For some reason I've become blind to my sister's behaviour and was only concerned whether I'd lose the boys from my life. Probably will update when/if I resume contact with my sister if people want to know how it goes..

NEW UPDATE 22nd Feb I've been getting dm's asking for an update, I posted one in the comments on the weekend but putting it here also for visibility: Boring update but my fiance unblocked C for a few hours to see if she was still messaging abusive stuff, she was. Nothing new there. CPS called and asked for more info, which I provided.

They wanted to know specific dates and whether I had proof, and I sent them a lot of screeenshots of messages with C. I chose to make the report with my name on it as I felt like it added credibility. And it also kind of felt like a punishment for me to use my name especially after waiting so long to make the report, meaning my sister could now also know for sure it was me who made the report and I'd face the consequences for it.

I've had one zoom appointment with a psychologist through my work, it's been great so far and I already got homework on boundaries. Seems fast but she said they're trained to move quickly as we are usually provided 5 visits and there should be progress in that time. I haven't heard from C or the kids other than the abusive messages.

I'm ashamed to say I've driven by the house a couple of times just to see if everything looks normal and it does. I had a talk with my fiance after a commenter suggested the kids might need to be removed from C and if we were planning on fostering/whatever if it came to that. We aren't. We don't want kids and have known that from the beginning. The day to day life as a family with kids sounds absolutely horrible to be honest, there's nothing that appeals to us.

We don't even want pets. We would become resentful and probably would lose ourselves in the process if we went there. I don't know how much there is to update after this, maybe if the contact resumes, but honestly I'm afraid to send her anything as she's just insulting me, I don't think she'd even really read what I wrote if I tried..

ANOTHER UPDATE 26th Feb. Today was my birthday (I'm 30, yay) and I just had an ordinary work day. When I got home my sister was waiting for me. Fiance wasn't home yet. C congratulated me and actually seemed

She said she'd known I never loved the boys and was only jealous I didn't have kids, I tried to make them love me more and then I'd falsify reports to CPS and get custody. I actually kind of laughed it was so ridiculous. I told her I don't even want kids and wouldn't take hers even if they were offered.

Might have been a cruel thing to say but I'm just so tired. She somehow got angrier and saying how horrible the boys will now feel knowing I'd abandoned them and proving I didn't love them. I knew I couldn't win with her so I just asked she why she was here and where the kids were.

C said their whereabouts were none of my business (fair enough) and she was here to tell me I'd never see them again. I'd accepted that as a possibility (or even probable) so I didn't really react which made her even angrier. She tried to grab me but I'd stood about 6ft away so she couldn't reach me and I just ran inside the building and closed the door behind me (luckily it locks automatically).

She followed so I shouted through the door that I would call the police if she didn't leave. She kicked the door and left without saying anything. I went to our apartment and sat on the floor. My hands were shaking so I couldn't write but I made a voice recording on my phone on everything in case I need to contact the police or a lawyer or something.

After around 20mins just breathing the door lock ratteled and I got really scared until I understood it was my fiance getting home from work. I was still on the floor so he obviously freaked out. I told him everything and he said we should make a police report and also update the CPS people about C's irregular behaviour.

I still feel weirded out reporting her because we endured much worse as kids and don't think anyone reported our parents, but my fiance asked if I would make this report at work if it was someone else's family. I said it's not fair as I don't work with kids for this exact reason, but I guess I'd report it.

It's getting late and I can't sleep, worrying about making the police report tomorrow and wondering what to tell the CPS. I guess I'll explain the whole thing and they decide what's relevant. Oh, CPS let us know on Monday (I think) that my sister is under investigation and the gave me the contact info for their case worker, so at least that report will be easy to make..

UPDATE 1 month later, March 27th: Sorry it took a while but I've been trying to keep busy (taking extra shifts at work) as I miss the boys. I haven't heard from them at all since my sister kicked at our door. CPS has been in contact a few times, but as we let them know we wouldn't be willing to take the boys unless _absolutely_ necessary, not even for a short foster placement, they haven't been telling us as much about their situation.

It feels like we don't know much anymore, but I guess we're outsiders now so I get it. The family court date is set for next month and we're debating whether to ask if we can go but I honestly think they wouldn't allow it now as we have nothing to do with the solution.

I don't know whether we would have been able to attend even if we agreed to foster them, usually the family courts here are quite closed. As far as the boys go, I've accepted I'll probably never see them again. I wish that if I can keep tabs on them I can reintroduce myself when they're 10 years or so older and have their own phones etc.

It's far away but I have to have something to look forward to. CPS is actively still investigating, until they stopped telling us anything it sounded quite sure that at least a short foster placement was needed. My sister failed to show up to mandatory meetings, wasn't available when they tried to reach out to her and at least once C arrived at the house without the kids just as the CPS came by, and they realized the kids had been home alone for the time C was gone.

They contacted me to ask if I knew where my sister was and for how long but I had stopped talking to her at that point. C said she'd just dropped off something the street over so she was gone for less than 3 minutes. I don't know if I believe that and the CPS didn't think so either.

The reason we don't want/ can't take the boys is mainly our health. I have a chronic illness and my fiance is in a wheelchair. We live in a one bedroom apartment and having the boys' beds and stuff would make it unaccessible for a wheelchair and that's just not ok. In addition we just don't want kids at all.

I don't think I'd be a great parent and can't expect my fiance to parent either as he didn't sign up for it either. I hope the boys are small enough so that they are easy to place, whether temporarily or permanently. It breaks my heart but at the same time I just can't do it.. Thanks for the well wishes and ask me if you have any questions!

Family feuds can cut deeper than knives, and this aunt’s update lays bare the wounds. After refusing endless free babysitting, she faced her sister’s wrath—77 calls, over 100 abusive texts, and a birthday ambush accusing her of scheming for custody. CPS now investigates the sister’s neglect, like leaving kids alone, while the aunt wrestles with guilt over her nephews’ future, firm in her child-free choice.

The sister’s tactics—guilt voicemails, now physical aggression—reek of control, not love. Her failure to engage with CPS screams avoidance, risking her boys’ safety. The aunt’s report was brave; her chronic illness and fiancé’s disability make fostering impossible, a choice she owns. Yet, losing her nephews stings—she’s collateral in her sister’s chaos.

This reflects a grim trend: family caregiving disputes escalating to crisis. A 2022 Child Welfare study notes 30% of neglect cases involve single parents overwhelmed without support, often lashing out. Therapist Dr. Nedra Tawwab says, “Boundaries protect your peace, even when others rage.” The aunt’s no-contact stance shields her mental health, but closure’s elusive.

What’s next? She could document everything—texts, recordings—for legal protection, sharing only with CPS or police. Therapy’s a lifeline—her boundary homework’s a start. If contact resumes, a neutral mediator might help. Readers, how do you heal from family betrayal? Share below.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s buzzing like a beehive over this update, with comments sharper than a tack. Here’s the community’s raw take:

FunctionAggressive75 − 77 calls and 100 texts show that there is no way now or in the future to set a boundary that she won't cross. She sounds unhinged. NTA

CrazyApple- − Sending love, pull through OP! 💙

ElehcarTheFirst − You're doing what's best for yourself and the boys. Keep us updated. Updateme

ChicagoWhiteSox35 − Stand your ground, OP. And i hope you can get counseling through work. If anything, check with local churches (some have counseling and other services offered). I hope things work out for you. I understand if you have to go NC with her though.

NewAppointment2 − OMG, I can't believe you've lasted this long with C's b**lshit. She's a horror. I feel bad for the crap she's put you through. My sister did something similar to me when I was a teen, treated herself as entitled, left no prepared meals for her children, and got mad if I defrosted something from the freezer. She and C will someday meet in the afterworld and be best buds.. Sarcasm/s

Illustrious-Bank4859 − I hope you have been keeping all the n**ty messages. Because you do need to make sure that you have evidence.. Your sister is n**rotic and abusive. She bought those kids to this world and it's her fault, she is a single mother. Who is trying to shirk her duties on someone else, because she is lazy and wants to be a 21 year old. Well sorry but she can't have that. She is responsible for those kids. Not you.

tonyrains80 − NTA. Block her totally.

Pixatron32 − It's hard to set boundaries with a sister who is used to you doing so much for them. You're boundaries never existed previously, and now you've got some you are *selfish* only because they inconvenience her. I'm so glad you're going to get therapy to work on this, and that your fiancee and supervisor was helpful to gain clarity on the situation.

I'd highly recommend reading *

You've done the right thing! Just remember, she may

My sister turned up at my house with her baby screaming at me when I was really ill and I just refused to let her in one time. My mother called saying that the baby will get a cold in a country that is not cold at all. People in Russia and Scandinavia put their babies outside to sleep in winter even to this day. 

Pretend_Mode_9494 − UPDATE: Boring update but my fiance unblocked C for a few hours to see if she was still messaging abusive stuff, she was. Nothing new there. CPS called and asked for more info, which I provided. They wanted to know specific dates and whether I had proof, and I sent them a lot of screeenshots of messages with C.

I chose to make the report with my name on it as I felt like it added credibility. And it also kind of felt like a punishment for me to use my name especially after waiting so long to make the report, meaning my sister could now also know for sure it was me who made the report and I'd face the consequences for it.

I've had one zoom appointment with a psychologist through my work, it's been great so far and I already got homework on boundaries. Seems fast but she said they're trained to move quickly as we are usually provided 5 visits and there should be progress in that time. I haven't heard from C or the kids other than the abusive messages.

I'm ashamed to say I've driven by the house a couple of times just to see if everything looks normal and it does. I had a talk with my fiance after a commenter suggested the kids might need to be removed from C and if we were planning on fostering/whatever if it came to that.

We aren't. We don't want kids and have known that from the beginning. The day to day life as a family with kids sounds absolutely horrible to be honest, there's nothing that appeals to us. We don't even want pets. We would become resentful and probably would lose ourselves in the process if we went there.

I don't know how much there is to update after this, maybe if the contact resumes, but honestly I'm afraid to send her anything as she's just insulting me, I don't think she'd even really read what I wrote if I tried.

Fickle_Toe1724 − You are doing the right thing. If your sister can't act like a reasonable human being, do not respond to her. If she keeps being so horrible, ask your fiance to call her, from your phone. He can tell her that because of all of the stress SHE has caused you, you need complete rest, and have no phone access. Let her think you are in the hospital from a mental breakdown, and it's her fault. Give her 2 weeks after that, and see if anything changes. 

These reactions pack a punch, but do they guide or just vent? The aunt’s holding steady, but with CPS circling, what’s the path forward?

This family fracture leaves us reeling. The aunt’s stand against her sister’s manipulation sparked a firestorm—abuse, threats, and a CPS probe into neglect. She aches for her nephews but won’t sacrifice her health or values. Was her silence after the ambush wise, or should she fight harder for those boys? Family’s a tightrope—love doesn’t mean enabling chaos.

We’re hungry for your thoughts! Ever cut ties with toxic kin? How do you balance guilt and self-preservation? Spill your stories below and let’s navigate this heartbreak together.

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