Update: AITA for putting my foot down and charging rent when my stepdad started trying to tell me what to do in my own house?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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The realm of family dynamics can take unexpected turns—especially when legal advice meets the need for personal boundaries. In this update, the OP stands up to unwanted control as she faces the reality of state tenancy laws, which now recognize her stepdad as a tenant in her own home.

With a blend of practicality and resolve, she has taken decisive measures to reclaim her space by instituting a month-to-month lease and a set of house rules that redefine familial relationships. In a home that once symbolized comfort and shared history, tension brews as clear-cut boundaries are drawn. The new terms include a strict curfew, comprehensive cleaning responsibilities, and a fixed rent payment.

This bold move not only disrupts the status quo but also challenges the traditional expectations of familial roles. The narrative sets the stage for a dialogue on fairness, respect, and the need to sometimes treat family members like tenants when personal space and autonomy are at stake.

For those who want to read the previous part: AITA for putting my foot down and charging rent when my stepdad started trying to tell me what to do in my own house?

‘Update: AITA for putting my foot down and charging rent when my stepdad started trying to tell me what to do in my own house?’

So, I talked to a lawyer friend shortly after making that post. Apparently, my state does indeed have laws giving tenancy after staying for a bit. They are legal tenants as it stands unfortunately.. So I decided on a month to month agreement where stepdad pays $400 a month. On top of that, I felt a few punitive measures were fair at least temporarily.

I placed an 8:30 pm curfew on him for anything not work related. I also disallowed him from staying in the common area anytime I have anyone over period. I also placed the majority of the chores in the house as his responsibility as well. For instance, for as long as he stays, he is responsible for cleaning the place entirely. Absolutely every room in the house no exceptions.

Living room, any bedrooms, bathrooms including shower, toilets and sinks, dishes you get the picture. Of course, I can't *force* him to do anything but he won't stay in my house for long if he doesn't. I know it's a bit mean for sure but I felt there had to be some punishment for his actions.

Mainly, I'd say that any further comments, nonpayment of rent, or violating his punitive rules or chore requirements would result in me not renewing the month to month lease and an eviction as fast as I possibly can. For now, we've been living with this arrangement for a few days and he's paid his first month. He hasn't made any off putting comments or anything like that.

If anything, he doesn't talk to me basically at all. My mom is still talking to me though. She agreed that she should intervene if and when he says something again, but ofc hopefully nothing happens again. She did tell me that stepdad told her that the $400 a month was a lot given his current income from his part time job and that he finds doing all the chores tiring, but I told her it was final there and no.

Also, my bf has been able to come over when he wants too without me being troubled for it. He already never bothered my bf directly but now he kind of just cold shoulders him and I both. My bf doesn't care and finds it amusing though so it's fine.

Taking firm action in family disputes isn’t new, but turning personal relationships into legal contracts certainly adds a modern twist. When personal boundaries are breached repeatedly, setting clear expectations can be both a necessary and transformative step. The OP’s decision to institute a month-to-month lease, complete with monetary and behavioral conditions, illustrates the challenges of balancing familial love with self-preservation.

Family therapist Dr. Susan Heitler once noted, “Clear boundaries are essential not only for protecting one’s personal space but also for maintaining respectful relationships.” This insight perfectly applies here—by establishing explicit guidelines, the OP ensures that respect and reciprocity become the foundation of their interactions. Her actions, while admittedly firm, underline a critical point: fairness must be upheld even within the family unit, particularly when long-established roles start to morph into unhealthy dynamics.

The analysis broadens the issue to a societal level, where many individuals face the dilemma of reconciling family obligations with personal autonomy. With shifting economic landscapes and evolving legal interpretations, the concept of “family” is increasingly intertwined with contractual obligations. Experts highlight that such arrangements, though seemingly harsh, can serve as a wake-up call for all parties involved.

They encourage open dialogues about expectations, responsibilities, and mutual respect in settings that historically operated on informal understandings. In essence, when family relationships begin to strain under unspoken expectations, formal agreements may pave the way for more balanced and respectful coexistence.

Check out how the community responded:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid and humorous, reflecting a mix of amusement and support for the OP’s assertiveness. These responses illustrate a spectrum of opinions: some applauding the clear boundaries set by the OP, while others empathize with the stepdad’s plight. Despite the diverging views, the central theme remains consistent—the importance of knowing one’s rights and not allowing undue influence within one’s own home.

IMAWNIT − Win-win

Vivid-Kitchen1917 −

avid-learner-bot − NTA. I can't believe how things turned out! It's like setting boundaries just flips the script on family dynamics. I mean, who would've thought that making someone responsible for chores could actually lead to peace? It’s funny how a little structure and clear rules change everything so quickly.

Maybe it's the idea of having some space or being reminded of daily tasks that makes all the difference. It really shows how important communication is – once everyone knows where they stand, things can settle down in unexpected ways

Early-Possibility367 − I’d have to imagine stepdad isn’t the happiest. He was living rent free before. Now, he’s paying a massive chunk of his paycheck in rent to you. And he’s doing what seems like every chore in the house which I’d have to imagine is exhausting. And he gets a curfew as if all that didn’t stress him out enough. Like, imagine being in your 50s with a curfew, ouch lmao. But ultimately he did this to himself.

Until he gets a better job, you have full power over whether there’s a roof over his head. He needs to act like it. He chose to tell you what to wear and who you can bring home thinking you wouldn’t do anything. He probably expected you just to take the comments and was shocked when you made the conditions for staying that much stricter. It’s a good lesson for him and he’ll learn not to bite the hand that feeds him.

DJ_HouseShoes − So you've traded a bedroom for $400 per month and a maid. That's a good deal for you.

Fickle_Toe1724 − You did great. Thanks for the update. When stepdad gets tired of the rules, he can move out. 

Medium-Fudge459 − Your mom is a real winner stepping in when her daughter is being degraded after that daughter takes in her and her loser husband. 

Realistic_Medium_434 − Your mom kinda sucks.

Life-Mobile-9248 − Lol. Amazing 😅👏🏻

Karyatids − If you really want him out of your house, your mom is probably going to have to start working. Since his work situation isn’t going to change, he won’t be able to afford going anywhere else. Is there a reason your mother isn’t working. Or why she wasn’t doing the housework before all this as a way of contributing?

In conclusion, this update is more than just a personal account of a domestic rearrangement—it serves as a broader commentary on the evolving nature of family relationships. By imposing a lease and strict rules, the OP not only reclaims her autonomy but also invites us to consider the dynamics at play when personal space is invaded. It’s a reminder that love and respect should coexist with accountability and clear expectations.

What would you do if you were in a similar situation? How far would you go to protect your personal space, even with family? Share your thoughts, experiences, and advice in the comments below—let’s open up a dialogue on where family ties meet personal boundaries.

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