[UPDATE] AITA for not wanting to adopt my “dying” ex-girlfriends child?

In a moment that could’ve been scripted by fate, a man stood at a crossroads, his past colliding with his present. What began as a firm refusal to adopt his ex-girlfriend’s son transformed into a journey of reconnection and resolve, sparked by a single, tearful reunion. For those who want to read the previous part: AITA for not wanting to adopt my “dying” ex-girlfriends child?. Now, with his ex’s passing and an adoption process underway, his story unfolds as a testament to second chances.

The emotional weight of this update captivates, blending grief with hope. Readers are drawn into a narrative of loss, love, and the courage to embrace a new path. As the Reddit community rallies behind him, the question lingers: does this choice redeem a past decision, or is it simply the right one?

‘[UPDATE] AITA for not wanting to adopt my “dying” ex-girlfriends child?’

Thanks everyone for the responses and messages! Quite a few have asked for an update, so I thought I'd make a quick one. After I made the original post, I've spent a bit thinking. I reached out to her friend, trying to get some info about. She didn't wanna say much and told me that I should come over.

I ended up going. Ex and her friend were there, kiddo was at school. Honestly felt completely different than I was expecting to feel. Anyways, she had the other b**ast removed, quickly found out that it spread out and she was just starting with her therapy. Ex suggested to stay until kid returns. I remember what you guys said, but I just couldn't do it.

I stayed, because I just wanted to see. I guess some of you were right about him remembering me, or not. Walks in, says hi, and disappears somewhere (I guess his room?). Walks back after a min and starts staring at me - '.Papa? Papa!' and runs at me.

Ex starts crying out loud, and I tear up, barely holding myself from crying (I don't know if it's because of her crying or because of kiddo remembering). It was a great day. To cut it short, I started visiting her 2-3 times a week, but sadly, things were starting to get worse. Seeing her getting weaker and weaker, I decided to go through with the guardianship.

Hired a lawyer, did tons of paperwork, interviews, investigation, and finally found the bio dad. Ex narrowed a list of people, and even without the dna test, you could see from miles that kiddo was a mini version of one of the guys. Both ex's mom & bio dad signed the consent and waiver, but even if they didn't, they probably wouldn't have a chance to make a difference.

After two months, judge made his decision and i finally became a legal guardian. Sadly, ex passed away, roughly 3 months ago. After which I started the adoption process, that still goes on. Had 2 court hearings so far, and another one will be in \~2 weeks.

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So far, things went well, so hoping for the best. I know that I missed a lot of details (not sure if it would be important, but also due to the character limit), but I will be answering any questions you guys have, in the comments below.

This story’s evolution from refusal to commitment underscores the profound impact of emotional reconnection. The OP’s initial hesitation gave way to action, driven by a child’s recognition and a mother’s loss. Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a pioneer in grief studies, noted, “The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it” . The OP’s choice to adopt reflects this, integrating grief into a new parental role.

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The situation highlights a broader issue: the challenges of non-biological parenting post-loss. Research indicates 30% of step-parents maintain contact with stepchildren after separation, often driven by emotional bonds . The OP’s reconnection with the child, despite a two-year gap, shows how past attachments can resurface, reshaping life plans. His proactive steps—hiring a lawyer, engaging with the biological father—demonstrate commitment amid uncertainty.

Dr. Kübler-Ross’s framework suggests processing grief through action, like the OP’s adoption pursuit. For others in similar situations, experts recommend open dialogue with children about loss and gradual role transitions. This story invites readers to consider how they’d navigate such a life-altering choice, balancing personal loss with newfound duty.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit squad jumped back into the fray, dishing out praise and tissues for this emotional rollercoaster. From calling the OP a hero to shedding virtual tears, their reactions were a mix of heartfelt support and lighthearted jabs. Here’s the unfiltered scoop:

Yermadose − Terrible situation. Sorry about your loss and I feel so bad for the kid. That’s a lot that’s happened to him in the last few years. Does this change your lifestyle and traveling then?

Spidermack − Good for you. I wouldn't have blamed you if you wanted to stay distant during all this, but stepping up and agreeing to be this kid's dad full time is a great thing. While the circumstances suck, you made a great and respectful decision.. You are far from being an AH in this story. My hat to you.

PresenceCrazy1757 − You’re an amazing man OP. This was entirely your choice to make and you would not have been wrong whatever you decided. I hope you have a wonderful future

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claudsonclouds − I am sorry you ex passed, but you are an angel and the ex and the kiddo are lucky you are there. You sound like an amazing man and father. This is such a rough situation but you seem to be handling it so well, I am not sure I would have been able to make the same selfless choices as you.. Can I ask how is the kid doing?

cmlobue − You would not have been TA for washing your hands of the whole situation, but you are a big damn hero to your soon to be child.

[Reddit User] − Thanks everyone for commenting and everything. I'll go through to see if I missed any questions. So there is a chance that the next hearing will probably be the last one (as my lawyer said. everything so far went great. they might interview my boy once again, and maybe me as well, but hoping for it to get finalized that day). If it's the good news, I'll either edit the post or post it on my profile.

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IceLantern − My biggest question is who the f**k is slicing onions around me?. You're a good man, I'm happy for you but also sorry for your loss.

[Reddit User] − r/BestOfRedditorUpdates

BriefHorror − This is a good update. I'm happy you got your son. Congrats to you and kiddo.

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Mother_Shopping_8607 − Y T A for making me cry. Damn upstanding person.. I hope every plane you go on leaves on time and the seat next to you is always empty.. I hope that it never rains on your days off unless you explicitly wish for it.. I hope there is always the exact right amount of cream in your damn coffee.. You freaking not a jerk. You stupidly good hearted decent human being. I bet you fart rainbows too.. NTA

These Redditors didn’t hold back, lauding the OP’s selflessness while grappling with the story’s bittersweet edge. But do their cheers capture the full weight of his journey, or are they just caught up in the moment? One thing’s certain: this update has everyone talking.

This update transforms a tale of reluctance into one of redemption, showing how a single moment can rewrite a life’s trajectory. The OP’s path from doubt to devotion, marked by loss and love, resonates deeply. It’s a reminder that sometimes, the hardest choices lead to the most meaningful outcomes. Readers, how would you handle stepping into a parental role under such circumstances? Share your thoughts—what would you do if love called you back to a past you thought was closed?

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