Update: AITA for not getting my daughter a car after she publicly disrespected me?

Venus Hours
Comments 0 Comments

The zoo trip was meant to be a joyful birthday celebration, but it unleashed a family storm that’s still raging. A father, stung by his 23-year-old daughter’s public betrayal—siding with a stranger who insulted him—stood firm, refusing to buy her a promised Audi. Now, his wife’s ultimatum hangs heavy: swallow his pride and buy the car, or she’ll foot the bill herself. Texts from his daughter reveal a deeper wound—she’s long embarrassed by his public spats, and her mother claims this isn’t a one-off.

The air is thick with pride, hurt, and questions of accountability. Readers, step into this tangled web of family loyalty and personal flaws—can this dad mend the rift, or is it too late?

For those who want to read the previous part:  Original post

‘Update: AITA for not getting my daughter a car after she publicly disrespected me?’

So I got home about an hour ago, and my wife called me into the room to talk. She gave me an ultimatum. She said I can either swallow my pride and buy my daughter the car, or she will buy the car out of her own money. My wife doesn’t earn as much as me, but still has a well paying job and can afford it.

She said that everyone is sick of my attitude in public, that every time we go out I get in some sort of altercation or disagreement with someone over some petty s**t. I think this is a gross over-exaggeration, but my wife showed me texts from my daughter asking if she can go out with just my wife because I “always do something to embarrass everyone”.

My wife refused, and defended me saying that’s not true, and thats why when I got in that argument my wife said nothing about my daughters actions. She said she isn’t going to punish my daughter because I can never keep my mouth shut, especially when my daughter said she didn’t want me there because something like this would happen and she defended me only to be made to look like a fool.

She says that my daughter “barely likes me” as it is, and if I do this I shouldn’t be shocked when she stops talking to me completely. I asked my wife if all I am to my daughter is a piggy bank and she told me to “stop playing the victim”.

She said it’s up to me what I do with my money, but my daughter will be getting the car one way or another so I can either make her hate me for no reason, or I can swallow my pride and get her the car myself. Don’t really know where to go from here.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

The father’s standoff with his family reveals a deeper fracture than a missed car purchase. His daughter’s public disrespect was a flashpoint, but his wife’s ultimatum and the revelation of his frequent public altercations point to a pattern. While he feels reduced to a “piggy bank,” his family sees his confrontational nature as the real issue, pushing his daughter to her breaking point. This clash isn’t just about a car—it’s about respect and self-awareness.

Family dynamics often hinge on mutual accountability. A 2022 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 62% of adult children report strained parental bonds when parents fail to acknowledge their own behavioral impact (https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/02654075211046536). The father’s habit of calling out strangers, however justified, embarrasses his family, and his daughter’s zoo outburst may reflect pent-up frustration. Her disrespect was wrong, but his refusal to reflect risks widening the gap.

Dr. Harriet Lerner, a psychologist and author, writes, “Change begins when we stop defending and start listening, even when it’s painful” (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-dance-connection/201201/why-wont-you-apologize). Lerner’s insight suggests the father must examine his role in the family’s tension. His wife’s defense of their daughter isn’t enabling—it’s a plea for him to see the bigger picture. Buying the car might feel like capitulation, but it could open a door to dialogue.

Experts recommend family therapy to unpack these patterns. The father should initiate a calm conversation, acknowledging his daughter’s feelings and his own triggers. If he opts not to buy the car, he should explain it as a boundary, not punishment, and invite her to rebuild trust.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s back with takes hotter than a summer day at the zoo! Here’s what the community thinks about this family showdown:

AliceInReverse − Info: how often DO YOU get in altercations with strangers?

snb − Don’t really know where to go from here.. Therapy.. The whole lot of you.

SlabBeefpunch − My dad was like you. Holidays, birthdays even my cousins god damned funeral. Always had to start s**t. 

Relative_Stability − I went back and looked at your other post. If you comment on people's behavior in public every time you feel slighted, then you are going to get someone who stands up to you when they feel slighted. I can't say you're an a**hole for not wanting to buy your daughter a car right now, and your wife will get it for you, but you sound a lot like me when I was younger. But you're 47 years old, man. Time to work on your simmering anger issues.

everynameistaken000 − Maybe you should at least consider the possibility that you are needlessly confrontational and this is making you unlikable. If it was me, because I'm too stubborn for my own good, I'd ask them to give me 5 specific examples with details and id buy the car.

ChuckGreenwald − What kind of altercations do you get into? That seems the big missing piece of this puzzle.

thepottsy − squeeze onerous theory cow pie pen murky vanish enter repeat. *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

Lucky_Log2212 − She is going to hate you regardless.. But, be a little retrospective. But, getting the guys number is over the top. Let your wife buy the car. It is not going to improve your relationship anyway. Your daughter thinks the way she thinks and she is old enough now that she probably won't change her mind about you anyway. Good luck. But, you may want to look at why everyone thinks this way about you. If it is true.

grumpy__g − I would love to hear your daughters and wifes side of the story. But don’t buy the car. You don’t have to. She doesn’t need one. Spend the money on something nice like couples or family therapy.

Dresden_Mouse − I think OP is downplaying his level of

These opinions are spicy, but do they cut to the core of this mess? Family drama’s never simple—tell us what you think!

This family’s saga is a raw reminder that pride can be a shaky foundation. The father’s hurt is real, but so is his family’s frustration with his public spats. Whether he buys the car or holds his ground, the real fix lies in listening and owning his part. Families thrive on messy, honest work—not ultimatums. What would you do in this tangled web of love and accountability? Drop your thoughts below and let’s unpack this together!.

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *