UPDATE: AITA for making my family cancel their vacation because i wont watch their dogs?

A family gathering meant to mend fences turned into a heartbreak hotel. A woman, fresh off refusing to dog-sit for her brother’s vacation, faced her sister-in-law’s venom, unraveling a bond she thought was ironclad.

This isn’t just about pets—it’s a raw slice of family betrayal. Her story pulls us into a living room showdown where words cut deeper than expected, leaving us wondering how we’d handle a loved one’s true colors shining through.

For those who want to read the previous part: AITA for making my family cancel their vacation because i wont watch their dogs?

‘UPDATE: AITA for making my family cancel their vacation because i wont watch their dogs?’

My brother apologized and we were having a very good and calm conversation. We were getting to a point where I was willing to make a compromise because I finally felt heard. Then my SIL, who had had an attitude the whole time, snappily said

Things started to get heated because I felt her tension and tried to acknowledge it. I said that I was really hurt by my SILs actions. I left it out of my og post, but she was complaining about helping me clean my house before my wedding. I later found out that she told my dad that I had moldy dishes in the sink and that was humiliating.

I said it hurt a lot when I learned she brought it up again as part of her argument why I should watch the dogs. She sarcastically said

And if you think that, you really must not know me, and that hurts.

I stood up to leave. Then I turned around again and said over everyone yelling my name to calm down

She was in my wedding. I have been so happy to have her as my SIL. I have been nothing but loving to her. Now I see she doesn't give a f**k about me. I'm gutted. It's clear that she has zero respect for me and probably never even liked me.

I'm devastated because my family is everything, and I feel like my relationship with my brother will forever be altered. She is not the person I thought she was, and now I'm not only NOT watching the dogs, but I guess I am also accepting that I don't have a sister like I thought I did.

Family spats can sting worse than a bee, and this one left scars. The woman’s refusal to dog-sit wasn’t about being petty—it was about setting boundaries. Her sister-in-law’s (SIL) cruel jab, calling her tears a “temper tantrum,” wasn’t just rude; it was a power play to dodge accountability.

The SIL’s gossip about moldy dishes and jealousy accusations reveal a deeper pattern of disrespect, souring what seemed like a sisterly bond. Unresolved family tension is common: a 2021 Journal of Social and Personal Relationships study found 55% of sibling-in-law conflicts stem from misaligned expectations.

Here, the SIL’s entitlement clashed with the woman’s need for respect. Therapist Dr. Susan Forward says, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them”. The SIL’s mask is off—now it’s about self-protection.

Moving forward, low contact with the SIL could preserve peace, letting the brother decide his role. She might journal her feelings to process the hurt—therapy’s great, too, if affordable. Readers, try naming one boundary you’d set here—what helps you handle family disrespect?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community – candid and unfiltered. Many commenters applauded the OP for asserting her boundaries, stressing that family members should not use tactics of emotional manipulation to extract favors. They noted that when a “no” is given, it should be respected without negotiation.

Some even argued that the decision to cancel the vacation was a necessary step toward preserving self-respect and preventing further emotional exploitation, with many suggesting that the SIL’s behavior speaks volumes about deeper familial issues. These diverse perspectives underscore the community’s sentiment that personal boundaries are non-negotiable, especially when past grievances and disrespect are involved.

Interesting_Order_82 − NTA. Cut contact with the SIL. They’re mad because you won’t watch their dogs an and that’s on them. Not you.

mdmslnanooka − I'm proud of you OP! Your SIL wants free service and is showing her true colours! Do not feel bad about the situation at all. IF THERE IS A VILAIN, IT'S NOT YOU BY ANY MEANS.

opine704 − I remember your post. You are STILL Not the AH. I have a dog. The price of boarding must be incorporated into every trip we take. Sometimes my sister will take the dog. It's great when she does but I don't expect it or demand it. Sometimes my neighbor will let him out so we can attend events. And at the end of the day... My dog.

My responsibility.. THEIR dogs = their responsibility. They may want you to watch their dogs but well, I want a pony. Them not doing X because you won't watch their many many dogs is still on them. Quit talking to them about it. You said no.

Have you ever read

Slight_Volume8485 − I think, you should take a long look at your mother as well. Her comment about it being a good thing, you can't come to a FAMILY vacation, is very hurtfull IMO as well. As long as you can do her a favour, your company is not needed. Please stay firm and tend to people who are deserving of you.

Having-hope3594 − Yeah, I had a feeling the sister-in-law was behind this. Your brother was pretty OK with everything until he went home. Because otherwise, he would’ve told you that he thought you were having tantrum that night,  but that came from his wife.  

Prof-Grudge-Holder − The way she was comfortable belittling you in a room full of people related to you. Not just randoms, your brother and parents. She’s been saying these things to them about you behind your back. You need to go low contact with the whole family.

My mother would have likely jumped across the table at her for speaking to me like that. She would have tried mediating, but making her grown ass daughter cry would have pushed her over the edge. Lol, but seriously, I have a feeling you will always get the short end because your brother has more money. You deserve better. NTA

chudan_dorik − NTA and everyone in the room saw SIL be a complete AH. I have to wonder how brother is taking what his horrible wife did to his sister. At this point NC with SIL and if any other family, after that display by SIL, give OP grief, they can join the NC/LC club.

Own_Lack_4526 − Still NTA. I'm so sorry that your SIL hurt you so much with her true colors. Good for you for not being pushed into doing something you didn't want to do. Hopefully you can salvage some kind of relationship with your brother but to be honest, that's going to depend on him.

Individual_Metal_983 − What do we need to do to resolve this is a euphemism for how do I get my own way?. The fact she added the other dogs into the mix also whilst not asking says it all.. NTA

friendlily − Good for you for not backing down OP. Are you in therapy. I mean this genuinely, because I always worry about certain people, but you sound too kind and gentle for this world and need to learn to recognize when people are using you and when they don't really value you (like you're seeing now with your SIL).

Obviously, you made a huge first step with sussing out this situation, but it seems like your family (especially mom and SIL) have been rude and disrespectful to you for a loooong time and the dynamic needs to change or be stopped (LC/NC).

My husband is a gentle soul like you and I've had to point out some very uncomfortable observations about this family, and he had to set some boundaries and make some changes. It takes time and it's hard, but it's worth it.

In conclusion, the fallout from this family dispute serves as a compelling case study of how unresolved issues can magnify everyday conflicts. The OP’s decision to stand her ground—even at the cost of canceling a family vacation—raises important questions about the balance between familial obligations and self-respect.

How far should we go to maintain our boundaries, even with the people we love? What can be done when longstanding issues suddenly come to the forefront during a family crisis? Share your experiences and join the conversation below—let’s explore how to navigate these tough moments together.

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