Update 2: AITA for not getting my daughter a car after she publicly disrespected me?

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What started as a birthday zoo trip spiraled into a family’s unraveling. A 47-year-old father, stung by his 23-year-old daughter’s public disrespect—siding with a stranger who insulted him—refused to buy her a promised Audi. The conflict deepened when his wife’s ultimatum exposed his confrontational habits, but the real blow came during a family meeting. Seeking answers, he faced his daughter’s raw fury, learning his wife had shared his private history of being bullied, fueling his daughter’s disdain.

Now, with his daughter gone, his wife absent, and his son silent, the father grapples with a shattered family. Readers, enter this raw saga of pride, betrayal, and fractured love—can this family heal, or is it too far gone?

For those who want to read the previous part: Original post, update

‘Update 2: AITA for not getting my daughter a car after she publicly disrespected me?’

Sorry I didn’t really respond a lot happened yesterday. After everything I called my daughter and over because I wanted to talk about everything. My wife said to just let it go, but clearly “everyone” had a problem with me that I didn’t know about so I wanted to get to the bottom of it.

So I waited for my son to get home, and my daughter drove round a little later. We all sat down and decided to talk. I started by doing what many of you suggested, and asked for actual examples, rather than just accepting their word for it. And honestly a lot of it sounded ridiculous.

The fact that I sent back a steak twice because both times it was undercooked (as if it’s a crime to want a £180 steak cooked correctly), the fact that I argued with someone who sat in our assigned seats at a cinema even though it was nearly empty (again, as if it’s a crime to want to sit in the seat I paid for when there’s dozens of other places for these people to sit)

and other equally silly things which I can’t be bothered to get into and don’t even really remember as a result of the insignificance of it. Despite me thinking that it was all ridiculous, I said I would do my best to be a meek pushover in public if that was the only way to get them to like me.

And that I would get the car on one condition; that my daughter hadn’t *actually* texted the guy who abused me. I asked to look at her messages, and she said not to even bother, because she had texted him and I didn’t have the right to control who she talks to. I said that is true, but I do have the right to spend my money on whatever I want, and I’m not getting my daughter a car.

She has one that works fine, and even if I am an ass, in a situation where her family is getting threatened, she sided with the aggressor and then doubled down on that. And that is unforgivable. My daughter blew up at me, and said that I am “a petty little pig headed man, with a Napoleon complex, and that all the money in the world hasn’t stopped me from being a f**king loser”.

I said “oh yeah, because the guy who screams at old men is such a winner”. And she screamed at me that I’m not a victim, and then something about how cathartic it was to watch someone stand up to me, and that how the second he did she watched me “shrink back into the little b**ch I’d always been growing up”.

That was the last straw. I told her to get out. But she doubled down and told me that my wife had told them about me being bullied growing up, and that “that was why I am the way I am”. I saw my wife turn pale as a ghost at this comment. This is something I confided in her in private. Clearly this is why my daughter stopped respecting me.

Obviously I wasn’t “cool enough” for her or whatever. I was speechless, but my daughter carried on. She said “make a genuine promise to Jake he can still go to Cambodia, and ask him what he really thinks”. I just nodded. Her brother begged not to be put in the middle of this but I insisted. All he said was “sometimes you can be a bit much, dad”. My daughter called him a pussy, and just walked out.

My son ran off to his room, and my wife drove off after my daughter. She didn’t come back last night. I’ve not heard from my wife or daughter since. I’ve called out of work. My son left for university without saying a word to me. I’ve barely slept a wink. I can’t believe it. I’m a cliche. A rich old man whose family hates him. If I was lost before, now I’m genuinely clueless about what I’m supposed to do.

The family’s explosive meeting lays bare a toxic cycle of pride, betrayal, and miscommunication. The father’s refusal to buy his daughter a car was less about punishment and more about asserting control in a family where he feels diminished. His confrontational public behavior—seen in incidents like sending back a £180 steak or arguing over cinema seats—has long embarrassed his family, as evidenced by his daughter’s texts and his son’s reluctant admission. Her vicious outburst, calling him a “petty little pig headed man” with a “Napoleon complex,” reveals resentment deepened by learning about his bullied past, a confidence his wife betrayed.

This breach of trust is critical. A 2023 study in Family Process found that 71% of adult children report strained parental relationships when trust is broken, particularly through shared confidences (https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/famp.12834). The wife’s disclosure, likely an attempt to explain his behavior, backfired, arming their daughter with ammunition to undermine him. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Betrayal, even unintentional, erodes the foundation of family bonds” (https://www.gottman.com/blog/trust-and-betrayal/). The daughter’s actions—siding with a stranger and texting him—were disrespectful, but her rage suggests years of feeling unheard, possibly exacerbated by perceived favoritism toward her brother’s funded trip.

The father’s binary view—being a “meek pushover” or confrontational—signals a need for self-reflection. Therapy, as Reddit users suggest, could help him unpack why he seeks control in public spats and how this alienates his family. Family therapy is crucial to rebuild trust, starting with the wife acknowledging her breach and the daughter addressing her entitlement. The son’s silence speaks volumes; his inclusion in healing is vital.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s weighing in with takes as fiery as the family’s showdown! Here’s what the community had to say:

Valon117 − See a therapist. You may have some underlying issues here, but your family isn't innocent. Get a therapist to weigh in on this. Clearly your wife betrayed your trust, and your daughter is a 23 year old entitled child, that you are responsible for. Go to therapy, make it a family therapist and get actual help.

Alert-Artichoke-2743 − Your daughter wasn't too disgusted with her dad to ask to go car shopping. You were right not to buy the car, but you should follow this thread where it leads.

nyoprinces − Your self perception isn't in line with reality, and I think the way that you're viewing these interactions is very different from what they look like from the outside. The fact that you consider choosing your battles to be acting as a

geezerebenezer − Esh. Your daughter is too spoiled. She doesn’t know the value of money and acts so entitled it hurts my brain. You raised a chav and when she met another one got so happy and got his number?? Who tf gets a strangers number after they belittled their parent?! A CHAV.

You also have some issues and recommend therapy. There are situations when you need to make a fuss and some that you need to ignore and let go.. Embarrassed because you returned twice a steak? £180 steak?! I want to see the cows CV for that money.

CriticalSimple3122 − ‘…I said I would do my best to be a meek pushover in public if that was the only way to get them to like me..’ and there it is. It’s perfectly fine to want to assert yourself and ensure you get decent service/seats that you paid for etc, but there’s a good way and a bad way to go about it.

And without you having to say it out loud, you’re clearly a nightmare to be in public with. Your son feels the same way but doesn’t feel he can talk to you and you’ve driven off your wife and daughter. This situation isn’t actually about a car anymore. Kindly, seek help.

4me2knowit − As a child I remember so many times as we drove away from somewhere a chorus in the car of. We can’t go there again. My father had made yet another scene

nice_heart_129 − It's not normal to make a big deal out of every public inconvenience... it's not

While it might have made you feel powerful to argue with strangers, I'm betting that these little power plays overshadowed or even ruined each outing for your family. I agree that therapy could help you better understand why you feel the need to do this, and also help you understand that it's really detrimental to your relationships.

Your kids and family do sound terrible, but if spending quality time with you is difficult, and you've really only built a relationship with them through money, I feel that you bear a good bit of responsibility for this dynamic. While your children sound incredibly spoiled, it does seem that you are rewarding/punishing perceived

which is not healthy at all, and really only serves to reinforce their perspective of you. There is a great difference between gifts given to children in love and care, and gifts that are conditional on kissing your ring. Your wife betraying your trust is not great, but based on her previously defending you to your children,

my guess is that she confided this information to your children as a way to help them understand your behavior, and not in a malicious way. So far, your posts haven't shown a great deal of self-reflection, but I do hope you get into therapy and can potentially salvage your relationships with your family.

Conscious_Shine2491 − There are so many wrongs here. Why would your daughter disrespect you if you were bullied when you were young? Any sane and kind child will feel sorry for her father. I felt that it was your thinking fallacy. Like you also think that you can bully people who are weaker than you, like the lady that you reprimand in a condescending way (calling her 'love') and I'm sure you do it (berating people just because you can) all the time.

You won't do that to people stronger than you (like you said in your first post that you wouldn't do that if you knew her tall son was there. WTF you shouldn't decide if you should say something or not to say it based on whom you talk to. Treat every person with the same respect. That's why you raised a spoiled disrespectful brat. You're all the same. 

ACanWontAttitude − The sons reply is very telling.

DGhostAunt − I feel like you are full of it. I am assuming it’s not that you did those things but the unhinged and n**ty way you go about it. Think about HOW you reacted to those incidents and not the fact that you did. REALLY think about how you spoke to the server at the restaurant and how you reacted to the people that were in the assigned seats. I’ll bet it was pretty embarrassing for everyone involved but you.

These comments cut deep, but do they capture the full mess of this family’s collapse? Share your take on this tangled drama!

This family’s saga is a brutal lesson in how pride and betrayal can torch even the tightest bonds. The father’s confrontational streak, his wife’s broken trust, and his daughter’s entitled rage have left them scattered. The car was never the issue—it was a symbol of deeper fractures. Healing requires therapy, humility, and hard conversations, but time’s running out. What would you do to mend this broken family? Jump into the comments and let’s wrestle with this raw, human mess together!

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