AITA for “sneaking” vegetarian food into my FIL’s meal?

Navigating dietary differences within a family can sometimes lead to awkward or even humorous situations. However, one woman found herself in the middle of a family feud after her father-in-law unknowingly ate a vegetarian version of a classic dish. What started as a seemingly harmless mix-up escalated into accusations and a rift between her and her fiancé.

The core of the conflict lies in the woman’s decision not to immediately point out the mistake and the subsequent reactions of her fiancé and father-in-law. Was she justified in letting him try the vegetarian option without his knowledge, or was it a deceptive act that warranted the strong negative response she received? Let’s delve into the details of this saucy situation and see what Reddit had to say.

‘AITA for “sneaking” vegetarian food into my FIL’s meal?’

But my father in law has always been weird about it. For example, whenever we all go out to eat and I order something vegetarian, he always gives me weird looks. He also always tries to convince me to eat meat, saying things like "You're really missing out.", "You know you want some of this.", "That fake meat will never be better than the real thing.", Etc.

Not a throwaway but a private because my fiancé knows my main. My fiancé (23M) and I (23F) plan to get married in October of this year. I'd like to start off by saying i'm not looking to end my relationship with my fiancé. I'm a vegetarian, my fiancé is not, nor are his parents. This has never been a problem for me, my him, or his mother.

Yesterday, my fiancé and I invited his parents over to our house for dinner. I made spaghetti & meatballs for my fiancé and his parents, spaghetti & vegetarian meatballs for me, I put them in two different pots and put them both on the table. When his parents were grabbing their food, his father happens to grab the spaghetti and meatless meatballs instead of the real ones.

But my father in law has always been weird about it. For example, whenever we all go out to eat and I order something vegetarian, he always gives me weird looks. He also always tries to convince me to eat meat, saying things like "You're really missing out.", "You know you want some of this.", "That fake meat will never be better than the real thing.", Etc.

Now here's where I might be the A-hole, after I see him put the meatless meatballs on his plate instead, I decide not to tell him. He sits down, finishes the whole plate, and even gets a second helping. Once his parents left and me and my fiancé were cleaning up, I tell him about the whole fake meat thing. My fiancé gets really mad at me and immediately calls his dad.

Yesterday, my fiancé and I invited his parents over to our house for dinner. I made spaghetti & meatballs for my fiancé and his parents, spaghetti & vegetarian meatballs for me, I put them in two different pots and put them both on the table. When his parents were grabbing their food, his father happens to grab the spaghetti and meatless meatballs instead of the real ones.

His dad then calls me and starts berating me on the phone, saying i'm a p**cho and my fiancé should leave me for trying to "poison him"??? I try to defend myself by saying I wasn't the one that gave him the fake meat, and he grabbed himself (which is 100% true) My fiancé says I should of told him which was which, but I genuinely don't see the problem.

Now here's where I might be the A-hole, after I see him put the meatless meatballs on his plate instead, I decide not to tell him. He sits down, finishes the whole plate, and even gets a second helping. Once his parents left and me and my fiancé were cleaning up, I tell him about the whole fake meat thing. My fiancé gets really mad at me and immediately calls his dad.

I know he isn't allergic to soy beans or anything, so I don't see the harm in trying vegetarian food once. I think I might be the A-hole because usually my fiancé always defends me when his father and I get into arguments like this, but the fact that he isn't worries me. So reddit, AITA?

His dad then calls me and starts berating me on the phone, saying i'm a p**cho and my fiancé should leave me for trying to "poison him"??? I try to defend myself by saying I wasn't the one that gave him the fake meat, and he grabbed himself (which is 100% true) My fiancé says I should of told him which was which, but I genuinely don't see the problem.

I know he isn't allergic to soy beans or anything, so I don't see the harm in trying vegetarian food once. I think I might be the A-hole because usually my fiancé always defends me when his father and I get into arguments like this, but the fact that he isn't worries me. So reddit, AITA?

The situation described in this Reddit post highlights the complexities of navigating different dietary preferences within family dynamics and the importance of clear communication. While the poster’s intention might not have been malicious, her decision to remain silent when her father-in-law took the vegetarian meatballs is where the ethical line becomes blurred.

According to Dr. Susan Albers, a psychologist specializing in eating behaviors, “Food is often tied to our identity and cultural norms. When someone unknowingly consumes something different from what they expect, it can trigger a range of emotions, from surprise to anger.” In this case, the father-in-law’s strong reaction suggests that he felt deceived, especially given his known aversion to vegetarian food.

While the father-in-law’s past behavior of pressuring the poster to eat meat is undoubtedly rude and disrespectful of her choices, responding with what could be perceived as a trick might not have been the most constructive approach. Transparency about the food options available would have allowed everyone to make informed choices. As Lizzie Post, an etiquette expert, advises, “When hosting guests with dietary restrictions or preferences, it’s always best to clearly label dishes to avoid any confusion or accidental consumption.”

The fiancé’s immediate reaction to side with his father and “tattle” on the poster raises questions about his support for her within their relationship. A more balanced approach would have been to understand both sides of the situation before taking sides. His defensiveness of his father’s extreme reaction also suggests a potential lack of empathy for the poster’s perspective, especially considering the father-in-law’s history of making her feel uncomfortable about her vegetarianism.

Ultimately, while the poster didn’t physically force her father-in-law to eat the vegetarian meatballs, her silence after seeing him take them could be viewed as a passive act of deception, especially given his known preferences. While his reaction might have been over-the-top, a little more transparency from the poster could have avoided the entire conflict.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit community was quite divided on this issue, with opinions ranging from “Not The A**hole” to “Everyone Sucks Here” (ESH). Many felt the father-in-law’s reaction was extreme, especially considering he enjoyed the meal and went back for seconds. Others believed the poster should have been upfront about which meatballs were which, even if her intention wasn’t to trick him. The fiancé’s immediate siding with his father was also a point of contention. Here’s a glimpse of the Reddit reactions:

PsychoTink − Your fiancé’s immediate reaction was to get mad and call his dad to tattle on you?. Are you sure you don’t have a fiancé problem?. I’d go with ESH.. The FiL is an A who should give you the respect to make your own choices. You were the A for not informing everyone so they could make their own choices. Either make one meal for everyone, or inform everyone what is what.. Your fiancé was the A for tattling on you like a child.

Special-Mess-1930 − NTA Did your FIL not notice that was the bowl you were eating from? Did you fiancé not put it together? Your MIL? You weren't the only one at the table who could have mentioned it, and why didn't anyone ask what the difference was? Also, I agree with others. Tattling on you and then not defending you as your FIL yelled at you are red flags from fiancé.

magicmom17 − NTA/ESH Man, this whole anti vegetarian thing is so embarrassing. It is solely based on toxic masculinity and men feeling like becoming a vegetarian is "unmanly". They seem to forget they eat vegetarian things all the time. Mac and cheese, cheese pizza, fries. But all of these manfluencer types try to say that not eating meat means you aren't manly.

How fragile is their masculinity that they accidentally eat something THAT WAS GOOD ENOUGH TO HAVE 2 PORTIONS OF and act like they have been poisoned. That said, if you saw it and knew he didn't want to eat that, it would have been kind to mention it. But it is no biggie. Half convinced it might be fake given the high engagement topic and the outrageous response of the dad. But I am pretty sure my comment will be downvoted by those who also fear that eating vegetarian food will turn them into a girl as well.

KillaColella − idk but its a red flag that your fiance "told on you". Like really, was that necessary? He does not have your back nor does it sound like he will when you get married...just keep that in mind.

cressidacole − Bit odd that a man who regularly tells you to eat meat didn't question why you were eating "meatballs". Odd too that your fiance didn't also wonder why you were serving yourself from the same pot as your FIL. Your fiance shouldn't have gone tattling, your FIL shouldn't have acted like you were feeding him arsenic, and you should have mentioned it when he started to serve himself the vegetarian option, knowing that he'd kick off about the "trick", even though you hadn't intended for him to eat them.

Io6n7 − Massive side eye to that whole family. The man picked his own food, ate it, and had no complaints after picking at what you had been eating previously. That him and your financè saw this as an attack is a show on their character. Is this how you want to live?. NTA

NickName2506 − NTA, you did not give your FIL this food, he took it. If eating vegetarian food is such a problem for him, he should have asked, since he is obviously aware of your dietary choices. Had he not known about it, he would have been fine. Your fiancé sure is overreacting. It's completely normal to eat plant-based foods, everyone eats them in virtually every meal. Sure, you could have told your FIL. But you did not harm him in any way. He feels embarrassed, but for the wrong reasons imho.

IvyTheLamb − NTA. People calling you an a**hole obviously havent seen the part where 1) he’s harassed you over your food choices for a while now, and 2) HE GRABBED IT HIMSELF AND WENT FOR SECONDS. The man enjoyed it! Yet he’s too much of a “man” to admit he liked a vegetarian dish.

Tell your fiance that it hurts your feelings every time his father belittles you, and that you didn’t say anything because why should you? That man doesn’t respect your food, and if he’s such a meat lover who hates vegtarian stuff, he should’ve been able to tell the difference himself.

elderpricetag − I’d like to start off by saying I’m not looking to end my relationship with my fiancé. Why? Why are you so keen on staying in a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you — because he doesn’t btw, someone respects you would’ve shut his dad down the first time he spoke that s**t to you and never let him do it again — and who tattles on you to his daddy and sides with him when you didn’t even do anything?. In what possible way could being with that sorry excuse of a “man” be better than being single?

Left_Neck2415 − NTA. Your boyfriend is. There was no reason to call his dad to tattle. He ate two plates of the food and obviously enjoyed it. There was nothing he was allergic to, so I really don’t see the point of telling him, other than stirring up the pot. Could you have told him he was eaten vegan pasta? Yeah, you could’ve. It was petty not to, but he was also being an a**hole and making dinner outings with him uncomfortable, so I say there’s no harm in him accidentally eating vegan this one time.

This Reddit post presents a classic case of how differing perspectives on food and communication can lead to family drama. While the father-in-law’s past behavior towards the poster’s vegetarianism was clearly disrespectful, her decision to remain silent when he took the meatless meatballs is a point of ethical debate.

Was it a harmless opportunity for him to try something new, or was it a sneaky act that deserved his anger? What are your thoughts on this saucy situation? How should families navigate differing dietary preferences, and how important is honesty when it comes to food?

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