Shamed for showing affection to my teenage son?

A joyful father-son outing at a trampoline park took a painful turn when a stranger confronted a new father for showing affection to his adopted 13-year-old son. The man, who recently welcomed the boy into his family after years of foster care trauma, was accused of inappropriate behavior and threatened with police action, sparking anxiety and cutting their day short. The incident left him questioning his actions as a loving parent.

This Reddit story resonates with anyone who’s faced judgment for expressing care in unconventional family dynamics. The father’s commitment to nurturing his son, despite public shaming, pulls readers into a heartfelt exploration of love, healing, and societal misconceptions about parental affection.

‘Shamed for showing affection to my teenage son?’

I am a 33yo father. My spouse and I recently adopted our son in February 2024. He just turned 13 this month.. Over the weekend my son wanted to go to Sky Zone so we spent father-son time. During my snack break I sat on a booth. He came over for a break and wanted to lay down on me while he watches YouTube; I stroke his hair.

After my son went back to join the other teens for dodgeball, a parent came over to tell me that it was inappropriate to show affection to a teenager, especially between two males, in public around younger kids. He also said that I seem to be a pedo and threaten to call the cops. I explained to him he's my adopted son so of course we don't look alike.

Our skin colors are different. He then proceeded to walk away and grav a staff member. That triggered my anxiety, I grabbed my son and we went home. I cried in the car. I told him the reason and he became upset and comforted me. My son lived in 12 foster families since he was 4 prior to joining mine for life. He witnessed his father kill his mother.

His father is serving life in prison. His first foster family were his maternal grandparents. They blamed him for his mom's death. They ended up being arrested for making meth in their basement as his sister reported it. They moved to his paternal grandparents as their second foster.

They were physically abused there and blamed the mother for putting their father in jail. As you can see. There is significant trauma and he has never had the opportunity to have love and physical affection of a parent. I'm still anxious and upset about this and needed to hear I am not at fault for wanting to be a good dad he's never had.

This painful encounter underscores the stigma some parents face when expressing affection, particularly in non-traditional families. The father’s gentle act—stroking his son’s hair—was a vital gesture of security for a boy scarred by years of abuse and neglect. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, a trauma expert, notes, “Physical touch is critical for traumatized children to rebuild trust and emotional safety.” The stranger’s accusation reflects a societal bias that misinterprets male parental affection, especially across racial or adoptive differences.

The accuser’s reaction, while misguided, highlights a broader issue: hypervigilance about child safety can lead to harmful assumptions. A 2023 study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that 20% of adoptive parents report public scrutiny over their parenting, often tied to visible differences like race. The father’s anxiety was a natural response to such a jarring confrontation, compounded by his son’s need for stability.

Dr. van der Kolk advises, “Consistent affection helps heal trauma, regardless of public perception.” The father should continue nurturing his son, perhaps discussing the incident to reinforce their bond. Public education on diverse family structures could reduce such misunderstandings. Readers, how can parents navigate public judgment while fostering love?

The father’s actions were not only appropriate but essential for his son’s healing. Support groups or therapy could help him process this trauma and confidently continue his role. For now, his love is the anchor his son needs, despite the world’s misconceptions.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid and humorous. Redditors rallied behind the father, condemning the stranger’s intrusive judgment and cheering his dedication:

ionlyreadtitle − Is your kid shaming you? No. Then tell other people to simply f**k off.

Glittering_Oven5424 − It’s really sad when people project their sick thoughts onto an innocent situation. How cruel and unfair for you and your son to have what should have been a good time ruined by some jerk. People really need to mind their own damn business sometimes. I’m sorry that this happened to you.

silverwillow- − Please do not let this incident stop you from showing affection to your son in public in the future. The stranger who approached you was completely in the wrong, and has a very skewed view of parental love. Your son is going to need the love you have to give, don’t be afraid to show him ❤️

Specific_Worth5140 − That is absolutely a**orrent behavior from those folks. I am so sorry this happened to you.

NoFaithlessness7508 − Why is it that dads out in public with their kids gets treated like it’s taboo or something. I absolutely hate the looks we get and I don’t even have daughters (I’ve read horror stories of dads out with their daughters getting harassed and accused). OP I really feel for you in this moment. G**damn I hate people.. I just know that boy is gonna thrive in your family.

SouthTT − i pet my teenage sons head alot, lots of daddy's favorite child (only child) and hug him daily. Why cant we raise boys with affection?

Bugnuzzler − It’s disgraceful that some people are so unable to look at children of any age without immediately thinking about s**. I would ignore them too. What an a**hole.

Lucqazz − You're absolutely not wrong but be careful for assholes

pjrontos − Nah you're a good dad. Keep being a good dad. Also, add

Venaegen − Sounds to me like the rando who started s**t with you is the real pedo.

These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality?

This story shines a light on the power of parental love against the shadow of public judgment. The father’s unwavering affection for his adopted son, despite a stranger’s cruel accusations, is a testament to his role as a healing force in the boy’s life. His resolve to keep loving, even through anxiety and shame, inspires reflection on family and resilience. Have you ever faced criticism for how you show care to loved ones? Share your stories below. What would you do when a stranger questions your bond with your child?

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