AITAH for not wanting my husband to criticize what I eat during pregnancy?

Pregnancy is a period of immense physical and emotional change for a woman, often accompanied by cravings and shifts in dietary preferences. While maintaining a healthy diet is important for both mother and baby, the pressure and judgment surrounding food choices can add unnecessary stress. Our protagonist, a woman 20 weeks into a healthy pregnancy, found herself at odds with her health-fanatical husband who began to police her eating habits, leading to a confrontation about boundaries and control.

Sarah, as we’ll call her, has maintained a healthy weight and follows her doctor’s recommendations during her pregnancy. However, her husband, obsessed with his own strict diet and workout regimen, has been increasingly critical of her more relaxed approach to food.

His disapproval, which predates the pregnancy, escalated when he discovered a receipt for McDonald’s fries in her car, prompting a text message expressing his desire for her to prioritize his wishes regarding her diet. Sarah, already navigating the many changes of pregnancy, felt this intrusion on her autonomy was unacceptable.

‘AITAH for not wanting my husband to criticize what I eat during pregnancy?’

I'm 20 weeks pregnant ; everything has gone smoothly so far. All our scans and tests have come back fine. I have gained the exact amount of weight recommended by my Doctor. My husband is fanatical about his health, and on a strict schedule of prepped healthy meals and workouts.

Before this pregnancy and now during, I am far less rigid about what I eat. I've never been over or underweight, I take vitamins, get a lot of fruits/vegetables, and am active...however, compared to him I indulge in sweet/fried snacks way more, and my diet is far more erratic.

He criticized how I eat before I got pregnant, and it's getting worse with pregnancy. The other day he found a receipt of McDonalds fries in my car, and sent me this text while at work: **

**AITAH for telling him that I don't want him policing my diet during this pregnancy?** Nor ever, but especially while pregnant when I'm already dealing with so many changes in my body and mood fluctuations. If I were majorly over or underweight I would understand.

Sure, I could eat healthier, but the way he eats (like an OCD health robot) is not something I aspire to. I also grew up around family members with destructive eating disorders, and I don't want pushy attitudes about food around me or our future daughter. 

Pregnancy brings about significant physiological changes, often influencing a woman’s appetite and food preferences. While nutritional guidance from healthcare professionals is vital, the policing of a pregnant woman’s diet by her partner can be detrimental to her emotional well-being and create an unhealthy dynamic within the relationship. Sarah’s experience highlights the critical importance of respecting a pregnant woman’s body autonomy and trusting her to make informed decisions about her nutritional needs in consultation with her doctor.

Sarah’s description of her husband’s eating habits as being “like an OCD health robot” suggests a level of rigidity that may not be conducive to a healthy relationship, especially during the sensitive period of pregnancy.

While his concern for the well-being of his wife and unborn child might be well-intentioned, his approach of criticism and control is likely to be counterproductive, potentially leading to stress and resentment. Furthermore, Sarah’s personal history with family members who had destructive eating disorders makes her particularly sensitive to pushy attitudes about food.

According to Dr. Jennifer Wider, a women’s health expert, “During pregnancy, it’s important for women to focus on nourishing their bodies with a variety of foods to support the baby’s growth and development. While there are general guidelines, individual needs and cravings can vary, and a rigid, controlling approach to diet can be harmful.” Dr. Wider emphasizes the importance of a balanced and flexible approach to nutrition during pregnancy, guided by medical advice rather than a partner’s personal preferences or anxieties.

Sarah’s husband’s admission that he finds it “very hard on him to not have control over the pregnancy” is a significant red flag. Pregnancy is a process that inherently involves the woman’s body, and a partner’s desire for control over it is inappropriate and potentially indicative of underlying control issues.

For Sarah’s well-being and the health of their future daughter, it is crucial for her husband to respect her autonomy and trust her judgment regarding her diet, especially when she is already following medical advice. Open communication, mutual respect, and a focus on supporting Sarah’s needs during this transformative time are essential for a healthy partnership.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Alright, buckle up, because the Reddit jury has delivered a resounding verdict, and let’s just say Sarah’s husband might need to check himself before he wrecks himself (and potentially their marriage). The online consensus is overwhelmingly in Sarah’s corner, with many commenters raising serious red flags about her husband’s controlling behavior and suggesting she might want to rethink this relationship before the baby arrives.

From diagnosing potential eating disorders to straight-up urging her to run, the Reddit hive mind didn’t hold back in expressing their concerns. It seems like the internet collectively face-palmed at the husband’s audacity and decided that Sarah deserves a partner who supports, not polices, her during pregnancy. Let’s dive into the digital drama and see what fiery opinions the Reddit crowd cooked up.

celticmusebooks − Send him a text that you are sympathetic to his mental health problems-- but OCD based eating disorders can be mitigated with therapy and medication and that you will no longer entertain ANY discussions on your eating habits under any circumstances.. NTA but your husband needs to address his mental health problems before the baby comes.

DismalLocksmith9776 − I think you already know the answer and are just looking for validation. Your husband has no business policing what you eat.

MameDennis1974 − “Has complained that it’s very hard on him to not have control over the pregnancy.”. Well dude, welcome to parenthood. A lot of what’s coming your way will be completely out of your control.. The fact he wants to control your pregnancy is 🚩🚩🚩

cactuswildcat − OP, you said

Whether your husband truly has orthorexia, has some similar OCD or anxiety based fixation on food, or is simply a controlling jerk who can't handle you having your own autonomy, this is extremely concerning and inappropriate behavior. It WILL have a negative impact on your daughter's view of her body, health, diet/food, AND relationships seeing her father being so disrespectful and controlling of her mother.

Your husband needs to back off and get help from a professional to deal with his deeply skewed relationship with food, health, and boundaries. And it's HIS job to seek these things out - your job right now is to care for yourself and your growing child as you have been doing with the help of actual doctors.

imthatfckingbitch − He has complained that it's very hard on him to not have control over the pregnancy. Why does he think he SHOULD be able to have control over the pregnancy? This is scary to me. I've never met a man who cared at all about what their partners ate while pregnant or wanted to control ANY part of the pregnancy. I'm terrified what his expectations will be for what the child is allowed to eat or what you're allowed to eat if you decide to breastfeed.

ThrowRA_MuffinTop − Your husband finding it hard to not have control of your pregnancy is fucked up. Yeah, you’re both expecting a baby. But only one of you is actually pregnant. He shouldn’t WANT control over that. The fact that he wants control over your body and your child in any way is not at all okay.

The way he speaks to you is not at all okay. He needs therapy NOW or he’s going to f**k up that kid by controlling what they eat and probably other stuff too. Your child is also going to see their dad tell their mom off for eating fries…that’s incredibly unhealthy. It’s not okay.

I don’t want to be alarmist here but men with control issues usually get WORSE after a child is in the picture and this is raising about 400 red flags for me. I’ve been in abusive relationships with men who have control issues. And they always got worse when they thought I was sufficiently tied down to them, either by moving far away with him or isolating me from my other friends and family.

Another point at which controlling men judge their partners to be tied down is by having kids or getting married. I want to be wrong. I don’t want his controlling behaviour to get worse after the child arrives but statistically it’s not looking good. My gut is telling me to tell you to run now while you still can. And my gut sadly has experience in this stuff.

sfrancisch5842 − OP…”he has complained that it’s very hard on him to not have control over the pregnancy like you do”. Ummm… it’s YOUR body. And you are listening to your doctor. What concerns me even more is… how controlling does he expect to be once your child is here? Will your daughter/son be malnourished due to his “control”? Will he force them into eating disorders?. This is NOT OK. Not at all.. Your husband needs therapy asap, and you need to protect your child(ren).

BTK2005 − Husband sounds like he can eat a d**k…

Different-Steak2709 − Sounds like he has a serious eating disorder and sport addiction. Its more harmful to eat and workout this rigid than your behavior is. Be careful he doesnt teach the kid his behavior.

Toast_Necromancer − Y’all are gonna give your kid an eating disorder 10000%. If this is how he police’s how you eat, think about how he’ll act with your child.

These are popular opinions on Reddit, and they reflect a strong sense of concern about the husband’s controlling behavior and its potential impact on Sarah and their future child. While online reactions are often based on a limited perspective, the overwhelming sentiment underscores the importance of respecting a pregnant woman’s autonomy and the potential dangers of a partner attempting to exert excessive control over her body and choices.

Sarah’s situation highlights the importance of respecting body autonomy and trusting a pregnant woman to make informed decisions about her health and nutrition in consultation with her doctor. Her husband’s attempts to police her diet, coupled with his desire for control over her pregnancy, raise serious concerns about their relationship dynamics. For a healthy partnership, especially during the transformative period of pregnancy, mutual respect, open communication, and a focus on support are paramount.

What do you think of Sarah’s husband’s behavior? Was she right to set boundaries regarding her diet? How should couples navigate differing health philosophies during pregnancy? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below.

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