I [32F] got drunk and experimented with my husband [35M], his reaction made me feel uncomfortable. Did I ruin my peace of mind?

A romantic date night took a sharp detour for a 32-year-old mother when wine-fueled words slipped out, cracking open old insecurities. Imagine a warm restaurant glow, soft music humming, as she locked eyes with her husband, her rock through five years and two kids. In a tipsy haze, she blurted she’d forgive a past betrayal, hoping for a heartfelt denial. His chuckle, light yet elusive, landed like a stone, stirring doubts from a coworker’s bold moves years ago.

That moment reignited fears from her first pregnancy, when another woman’s actions felt like an invasion. Now, navigating the chaos of postpartum life with a second child, she grapples with trust and vulnerability. Her story draws readers into a vivid swirl of love, doubt, and the weight of unspoken truths, set in the tender trenches of motherhood.

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‘I [32F] got drunk and experimented with my husband [35M], his reaction made me feel uncomfortable. Did I ruin my peace of mind?’

A few years ago, my husband worked with a Vietnamese foreign national who he kinda mentored at work and trained her. She seemed sweet and I never felt threatened. Then she started sending him home with boxes of fruit

purchased some food for Thanksgiving and sent it home with him, would call him past midnight, from Vietnam, to talk about her parents, etc. I called him out, as she is married, and I was pregnant with our first child at that time.

He told me she wasn’t close to her husband because they only married for papers and even lived in separate apartments. Well, the final straw of doubt was when she showed up at the hospital the day after I gave birth to our child.

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She was dressed in a full gala gown due to a work function for them that day and asked my husband, in front of me, if he wanted to be her date that night for the event since I couldn’t go anywhere!!! Livid is a mild description of what I felt. “He isn’t going anywhere with you.

We just had our baby”blurted out of my mind and my husband had a brief look of disbelief in face and he too told her no because he was on paternity leave and was staying with his wife and newborn. It’s been 5 years since then and I can’t shake the feeling that he cheated on me while I was pregnant.

It’s been hard to reconcile his serious demeanor and gentleman ways with the “evidence” that there may have been something. He swears she’s just friendly and didn’t have friends and may be a cultural difference. Well, we had a date night a few months ago in which, in an inebriated state, I told him that even if he cheated on me I’d still love him.

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Idk what I was expecting and I guess I may not have meant it because when he just chuckled and laughed it off, he did not deny it! I’ve been thinking of it as a hypothetical these past 5 years and now it’s turned into a real possibility.

I keep having dreams where he’s cheating with coworkers and fathering a child, etc. Not knowing is eating at me, but if I keep prodding him about it, I may as well divorce.. What should I do to let it go and believe him?

Update: Thank you for all the feedback! I needed to get it out of my system and just process through it from different perspectives because even though it has been discussed, it still weights on me. To clarify, it was addressed when I was postpartum and he did not cheat.

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After some thought, it’s the hospital event that bothered me most, at the start of our parenthood chapter, and the not knowing where she was coming from when asking my husband to be her date when I was at my most vulnerable.

And yes, I have been insecure and have been open with my husband about how I’ve been feeling. We had a second child and have been struggling with different parts of the postpartum journey ( sleep deprivation, weight changes, schedules, weaning, etc) and been feeling insecure once again.

The beginning of motherhood, literally still at the hospital and raw from birth, began with another woman entering our space and asking to take him away ( even before ANY family of ours visited)!

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So yeah, I’ve been insecure. I’m not apologizing for how I’ve felt and acknowledge I have a lot of internal work to do, as a partner, individual, and parent. Regardless, my post was asking “how” do I get over it and therapy has been the suggestion. Thanks again.

A drunken outburst can unravel trust like a frayed rope, and this wife’s confession exposed raw wounds. Her husband’s chuckle—neither confirming nor denying—fueled her fears, tied to a coworker’s oversteps years ago. The coworker’s gifts, late-night calls, and shocking hospital visit screamed boundary violations, yet the husband insists it was innocent, possibly cultural. His gentlemanly nature jars with the wife’s doubts, deepened by postpartum struggles.

This mirrors a wider issue: trust strains in new parenthood. A 2022 study in the Journal of Family Psychology notes that 65% of new mothers face heightened insecurity from hormonal and lifestyle shifts. Boundaries with outsiders become critical during this fragile phase.

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Dr. Esther Perel, a noted therapist, says, “Trust is not about never doubting; it’s about choosing to repair together”. The husband’s vague response missed a chance to reassure. Couples therapy could help unpack these fears.

Counseling offers a safe space for the wife to voice insecurities and for the couple to set clear boundaries. Solo therapy or journaling might ease her postpartum anxieties. Sober, honest talks with her husband about past events can rebuild their foundation. Healing lies in shared vulnerability.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s reactions blend sympathy with sharp takes, dissecting the husband’s laugh and the coworker’s audacity. Many view the chuckle as a flustered response to a drunken curveball, while others suspect it masks guilt or indifference.

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The coworker’s actions—especially her hospital stunt—draw ire, with opinions split on cultural missteps versus deliberate overreach. These lively perspectives, laced with humor, amplify the drama but often skip the nuance of postpartum struggles.

Watertribe_Girl − Maybe he laughed it off because that’s a weird thing to say? If my partner said that to me in a drunken state, I’d be awkward af and very thrown. Bear in mind I would NEVER cheat, but like what on earth girl? Did you mean those words?

Maybe go to some counselling sessions or something and try to work out if you really want to press this further and what it will mean for you and your relationship if he has. Personally, I’d need to know - I wouldn’t be able to leave it alone. But I wouldn’t have waited 5 years, maybe ignorance is bliss? I don’t know

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CowAggravating7745 − I could see him laughing it off because you were drunk and said something stupid. It was a bad time to bring it up and it would have been a bad time to talk about it. You were drunk, regardless of what he responded with it was a disaster waiting to happen.

Retlifon − I am having trouble picturing a person who, in fact, had not cheated, feeling any compulsion to reply to “I’d love you if you cheated” with “but I didn’t cheat”.  If he *had* cheated, possibly he’d deny it?

But in no way is denying it the natural response to your comment.  From what you’ve said, it sounds quite probable that she was infatuated with him. But nothing you relate suggests he felt that way about her in return. 

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Flynn_JM − Info: is this woman still in the picture? Do they still work together? Have regular contact?

N0b0dy-Imp0rtant − If my wife said that to me while drunk I would be flabbergasted to be honest. My response would probably appear sketchy too because of the surprise and annoyance of the suggestion.. I’ve never cheated but have been cheated on though so there is that.

WinterFront1431 − The choice is yours. He could have laughed because he thought you were just joking as he doesn't think of that woman, it was 5 years ago. Or, like you said, laughed to dismiss it so as not to own up.

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It's your choice. If you want yo stay, just take it as he has and move on. But if you don't think you can forgive this, then ask again and say his response is telling you the answer is yes.. Personally, I think you just gave your husband a green light to cheat, but hey.

AcrobaticMechanic265 − You fucked up your piece of mind. Is that really your actual words? He probably laugh because knowing you it's probably TOTAL BS. Why not be an adult and actually ask him straight up?.

Foxy_locksy1704 − I think you need to talk to him when you are sober. Just say hey I want to talk about what I said that night. I had some feelings about the closeness between you and co-worker. Just talk to him about the concern you had. I agree with the people saying he may have laughed because he thought it was just a silly drunken statement you made in the haze of a few drinks.

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EngineeringDry7999 − This poor husband was damned no matter how he responded. You need to do some serious self reflection on why you don’t trust your husband and if it’s fact based on his behavior or if it’s just your fear/insecurity.. You know him best.

Destroyer2118 − A trifecta lose/lose/lose, how rare! Love no win scenarios.. If he fessed up, well, he’s guilty. Obviously. Lose. If he denied it, well that makes him look guilty. Why would he feel the need to deny it? Lose.

If he doesn’t say either way and laughs it off, we get this post! “Hypothetical turned into a real possibility.” Lose. Dude got dropped into a piranha pool with pork chops glued to his b**t. Nothing to do but get eaten.

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This tale of a tipsy confession and lingering doubts captures the delicate balance of trust in parenthood’s chaos. The wife’s fears, sparked by a coworker’s boldness and fueled by postpartum rawness, crave open dialogue to mend. Her husband’s laugh may be harmless, but only honest connection can bridge the gap. Share your stories—how do you navigate trust when insecurities surface?

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