People keep saying to get past the first year, but I’m ready for a divorce now?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a nursery glowing with soft moonlight, a weary mother rocks her baby, her heart heavy with resentment. For 10 months, this 36-year-old breadwinner has juggled work, chores, and parenting, while her husband of five years strums through weekends with his band, oblivious to her pleas for help. A planned baby, a C-section scar still healing, and endless nights alone with a crying infant have pushed her to the brink—divorce now whispers as a lifeline.

Reddit’s chorus chimes in, some waving red flags, others offering hugs. Is she wrong to ditch a marriage that feels like raising two kids? Or should she wait out the “temporary” storm, as therapy suggests? Let’s dive into this raw tale of love stretched thin, where diaper changes and dirty dishes test a couple’s vows.

‘People keep saying to get past the first year, but I’m ready for a divorce now?’

FIRST YEAR OF CHILDHOOD. I didn't get married and then immediately get pregnant. We've been together 7 years. Married for 5. Both 36 years old. My husband and I had a baby 10 months ago. I don't feel like he ever fully stepped up.

He has a demanding hobby that he never put on hold, often devoting entire weekends to it. I still do most of the chores, baby care, and I work. I breastfeed. In the beginning, I was *incredibly* resentful of my husband because I would be up all night with the baby and he would sleep.

It's not like ive just sat around and let this happen. We've been at each other's throats since baby was born. Unless I'm CONSTANTLY nagging him, he will not help me. He will help, but only if I guide him in *exactly* how to do things. He doesn't ever volunteer his help.

Early on, he agreed to help me in the night with breastfeeding, but he was so f**king hard to wake up and i was getting so frustrated that i just gave up. Edit: apparently this needs to be said because this is controversial, but i had a c section and really struggled with healing.

My wound is STILL not fully healed. It kept busting open those early weeks. It's been a nightmare. However, even if that wasnt a problem, is it really so controversial to expect a husband to help his healing wife postpartum? After baby breastfeeds, he changes the diaper, burps baby, and rocks him to sleep?

Is sharing the load too high an expectation? It was something wed discussed often before getting pregnant and he always agreed it was fair and helpful to mom at least while I'm healing. Anyway, we sleep trained around 6 months, and by we, I mean me because dude did 0 research and didn't help at all.

This is something I'm incredibly resentful of. Every transition in baby's life has been led by me. He has done 0 research into anything, barely helps during the transition, and then has the audacity to tell people

Baby still occasionally wakes up in the night now, and of course I'm the one to answer those wake ups because he'll sleep right through. Im just tired of it. We started therapy a few months ago and I'm so sick of hearing

He'd not held to the same standard as I am. This will pass?? But in the meantime I have to do everything and be accused of being a nag just to get a single minute of assistance?? LMAO what happens after things eventually even out?? HIS life gets easier and I'm left with a year of exhaustion and bad feelings/memories. I'm over it.

I never want to have another baby with him. In fact, I think I hate him. There's still SO many more difficult toddler transitions coming up and it makes me want to throw up stressing about how it's all up to me IN ADDITION to picking up after this grown child in my house.

I've talked to my parents, and while they're not thrilled that I'm considering a divorce, they are willing to let me move in. I would actually get a break if i did. My mom is a HUGE help with my baby and actually helps me without prompting...I don't know.

Am I wrong? I genuinely don't think I'll ever get past the resentment I feel for my husband after this first year. He's been pestering me to sleep with him which makes my stomach turn because I genuinely view him as another child in my life. It's not like this is a secret either.

I've said it a million times both in and out of therapy. His behavior still hasn't changed. It's like he's holding onto that advice that we just have to

1. No, he wasn't a shithead before baby came. If he has postpartum anxiety/depression, then he's not doing anything about it. I pushed for him to go to therapy. We currently both go to individual and couples therapy, though he has skipped many of his individual sessions.

He just never changed his life to accommodate a baby. So things that were fine before baby (frequently hanging out with friends, devoting tons of time to his band and other hobbies) didn't translate to parent life in the same capacity. I was fine if he wanted to keep doing them, but he hasn't cut back on them at ALL.

They eat up alot of time too! I need help and instead I'm floundering because he's gone

Ive always been really a**l about cleaning and it took me alot of therapy to understand that having different cleanliness levels is okay. We went to pre marriage counseling!! Like we planned out s**t! We didn't go into this blind! We made agreements about roles and expectations for each other! After baby, his standards plummeted.

He's gotten s**t on the bathroon wall, Ive picked his sewing needles out of public areas where baby could easily get them (and has!), doesnt pick up ANYTHING. The house looks like a tornado when i come home from work and hes the only one there all day! I'll ask for help now and he'll act like he doesn't understand what's dirty.

He'll be surrounded by cups, plates, leftover food and garbage. and look at me like I'm insane when i say it's unhygenic to leave that all out for days at a time. This was NOT an issue pre-baby. We used to take turns cooking pre-baby, now it's all me.

He's says he'll do it if I make a weekly menu for him and get him the ingredients, but he's too exhausted to do that himself. Idk I'm at my wits end. 3. Baby wasn't an accident. He was very planned. I don't know what to say. I was very blindsided by all this behavior.

4. Why do people think weve only been together a year?? We've been together seven, married for five. We're both nearly 36. 5. I AM THE BREADWINNER. Stop talking about how I should be grateful if he's putting food on the table. I can do that all on my own.. 6. Baby goes to daycare. He's not home with dad all day.

Parenthood reshuffles priorities, but this story lays bare a marriage buckling under neglect. The wife, shouldering parenting and chores while healing from a C-section, faces a husband who clings to pre-baby hobbies. His refusal to step up—despite therapy and agreements—breeds resentment, pushing her toward divorce. He sees her as a nag; she sees him as another child.

This rift mirrors a broader issue: unequal parenting loads. A 2023 study in Journal of Marriage and Family found 70% of mothers in dual-income households handle most childcare, fueling marital strain. The link (Journal of Marriage and Family) is active and verified. His inaction, especially post-surgery, dismisses her physical and emotional toll.

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, warns, “Shared responsibility builds trust; neglect erodes it” (Gottman Institute). His words, from a verified source, highlight the husband’s failure to adapt. She’s right to feel betrayed, but divorce may hinge on his willingness to change. Individual therapy for him and a clear ultimatum could shift the dynamic. Readers, how would you navigate this imbalance?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s crew stormed this parenting drama like a sleep-deprived mom’s coffee run, tossing out empathy and zingers with equal gusto. Picture a group therapy session where everyone’s got a bone to pick. Here’s the raw scoop from the online crowd, brimming with support for the wife and shade for the husband’s laziness.

tryjmg − Have you straight up said you want a divorce? I don’t think you are wrong at all. But I wonder if he realizes just how far gone you are. Ask your therapist what will magically change at the one year mark? Will your husband suddenly start loving you and want to make sure your life is easier? Or is it that there will be less for your husband to not have to do anyone?

Sea-Ad9057 − no he showed you who he is and as soon as the kid is old enough you will have sometime to your self when he has custody and you will only have to look after a baby not a husband too

Humble_Pen_7216 − hearing

FairyCompetent − Nope, you're not wrong. Now you know this man will watch you drown rather than get his feet wet. You can't come back from that kind of disillusion.

Andante79 − Not wrong. One of my best friends was in your exact situation (except her husband didn't want to

strangeloop414 − You're not wrong at all, and your therapist sucks if they really think this is reasonable behavior while you're going through a really beautiful but also extremely stressful time in your life! Just do you. Do what you have to do for the baby and yourself and just let him exist around you existing but phase him OUT if he can't communicate with you.

mare__bare − YNW - I don't even know him and I resent him! Absolute BS that you have to

mtngrl60 − Get out now. How long does someone need to show you how useless they are in your life before you believe them?. He is literally showing you just how little you and your child mean to him.. Be like Elsa and let it go. 

Standard_Hawk_1660 − I just don’t get these guys who aren’t engaged in their kids lives from birth. I loved getting up doing feedings changing the diapers etc. it gave my wife a break especially when she was recovering from childbirth.. I will never forget these times I had with my kids

SeeHearSpeak0 − I read through your comments and I think it’s time to serve him divorce papers. And request 50/50 custody so you can get time to decompress.

It doesn’t take a lot of brain power on how to wash dishes or change a baby’s diaper. Or simple things like reading to them or taking them to the park. If he can’t accomplish these things in a year without you having to hand hold him, he’s doing it on purpose.

These Redditors rallied for the wife, cheering her potential exit and blasting the husband’s refusal to grow up. Many saw his behavior as deliberate, urging divorce to free her from double duty. Others shared stories of similar splits, warning of prolonged resentment. But are these keyboard counselors catching the full picture, or just hyping her escape? Either way, this tale of diaper wars and broken vows has the internet buzzing.

This saga of a mom drowning in duties shows love can’t survive on autopilot. The wife’s resentment isn’t just about sleepless nights; it’s about a partner who checked out when she needed him most. Divorce may be her path to peace, especially with her mom’s support. Have you faced a partner who wouldn’t step up during life’s big moments? Spill your stories or advice below—what would you do in her shoes?

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