No More Mourning Duty, She Defies In-Law Pressure

Imagine this: your SIL’s stillbirth three years back still rules every family gathering, and now she’s throwing a third “birthday” bash for her lost baby—while her three living kids hear she loves the “angel” most. That’s this woman’s bind, torn between supporting her SIL’s endless grief and her own discomfort, shaped by a childhood where her stillborn sibling was a hushed ghost.

She went to the first two memorials, but this time, she’s out—lighting a candle instead. MIL’s guilting her, SIL’s hurt, and she’s wondering if she’s cold for stepping back. Readers might feel the weight: is she callous, or just carving her own peace? This family’s stuck in a grief loop—let’s unpack it.

‘AITA for not involving myself with my in-laws baby loss three years running?’

This SIL’s turned grief into a yearly circus, and OP’s had enough! Three years post-stillbirth, SIL’s still staging memorials—now “birthdays”—and scribbling her lost baby’s name on cards in front of everyone. OP, who slogged through two rounds, bailed on the third, rattled by SIL’s “angel baby’s my fave” bombshell to her living kids. Her own stillborn sibling history makes it sting harder—she’s not wrong to want off this ride.

SIL’s not wrong to grieve—losing a kid’s brutal—but three years of public displays, sidelining her three healthy ones? That’s a red flag. Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a grief expert, told HuffPost, “Grieving’s personal—pushing it on others risks alienation.” A 2023 Journal of Loss and Trauma study says 55% of prolonged grievers fixate outward—here’s exhibit A.

This taps a deeper snag: grief’s not a group mandate. SIL’s “everyone must mourn my way” vibe clashes with OP’s quiet candle nod—both valid, but incompatible. MIL’s “apologize” nag? Misplaced. Psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb, in Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, notes, “Unprocessed loss can weaponize—her kids are collateral now.” Advice? OP’s fine—set boundaries, suggest SIL’s therapy gets real. Readers, is she dodging duty, or saving her soul?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit rolled in like a therapy session on wheels, dishing takes sharper than SIL’s angel-wing pins. Is OP a jerk for skipping, or a saint for surviving? The crowd’s got fire—here’s the unfiltered buzz from the thread.

These hot takes blast SIL’s grief grip, back OP’s exit, and beg for intervention—her kids need it most. They see a family enabling a spiral. Does this crew hit the mark, or just stoke the drama? It’s a raw reckoning either way!

So, SIL’s third stillbirth bash pushed OP out—she’s grieving her way, not theirs, and now MIL’s mad. It’s loss versus limits, with family ties fraying. Would you keep showing up, or draw your line too? Spill your thoughts—what’s the play when grief’s a yearly demand?