AITA for not giving my daughter money to buy food since she won’t talk to the college desk to fix her food card?

In the often chaotic transition to college life, the simple act of fixing a food card can unexpectedly become a battleground for personal growth. A concerned father finds himself at a crossroads when his daughter, struggling with anxiety, refuses to address a basic administrative challenge—contacting the college dining services. Her meal plan is in jeopardy because of a bent card, yet she balks at the thought of interacting with the staff, leaving her hungry and increasingly frustrated.

Amid mounting calls for help and the pressure of navigating adult responsibilities, the father draws a firm boundary. He explains that part of growing up is learning to face even the smallest of challenges on one’s own. His refusal to bail her out financially for this easily resolvable issue is a bittersweet moment of tough love—one that sparks both conflict and conversation about independence, accountability, and overcoming personal anxiety.

‘AITA for not giving my daughter money to buy food since she won’t talk to the college desk to fix her food card?’

Navigating early adulthood often means grappling with the balance between support and fostering independence. In this case, the father’s decision to refuse giving money to cover his daughter’s food is rooted in a broader lesson about self-reliance.

By not stepping in to handle every minor challenge—like contacting college dining services for a simple card fix—he emphasizes that even small administrative tasks are part of the essential skills for adult life. Overcoming anxiety is a gradual process, one that involves stepping out of one’s comfort zone.

Mental health professionals assert that while compassion is crucial, enabling dependency can hinder personal growth. According to relationship and anxiety expert Dr. Brené Brown, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.

But it also requires a willingness to face discomfort head-on, even when that discomfort is as minor as a phone call”. In essence, facing and overcoming small hurdles helps build the confidence needed for larger challenges in life. The father’s approach is not about being unhelpful, but about encouraging his daughter to forge her own problem-solving skills.

This isn’t a case of neglect but rather an attempt to balance compassion with accountability. In many ways, the situation mirrors common real-life scenarios where adult responsibilities—no matter how trivial they might seem—serve as practice ground for independence.

Experts suggest that when someone learns to handle minor conflicts, it builds resilience for more significant crises down the line. By holding firm on this expectation, the father is inviting his daughter to engage in a process of personal development, where each small victory over anxiety paves the way for a more confident and self-sufficient future.

It is important to note, however, that such challenges should be met with supportive structures. Mental health treatment, gradual exposure to uncomfortable tasks, and incremental goal-setting are techniques that can aid in this journey. The father’s stance, while tough, is a call to action: if the comforts of home extend to solving every problem, the real world—with its unavoidable human interactions—remains an overwhelming challenge.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The responses from fellow Redditors vary widely, yet many underscore a common theme: the necessity of learning to handle everyday responsibilities. Several commenters appreciate the father’s insistence on accountability, arguing that if one cannot manage basic interactions with authority figures, navigating the complex adult world becomes an uphill battle.

Others caution that while the daughter’s anxiety is real, her refusal to take a small step could have broader implications for her independence. Broadly speaking, the sentiment is that supporting her through therapy and gradual exposure is key, but that enabling her dependency by doing tasks for her might do more harm than good in the long run.

This situation raises a timeless question: when does supportive parenting cross the line into enabling? The father’s firm refusal to provide extra money for food is not just about a bent card—it’s about preparing his daughter for life’s inevitable challenges.

Is tough love the right approach when anxiety and independence clash, or should parents take a softer, more hands-on approach until their children can fully take charge? Share your thoughts and experiences—what’s your take on guiding young adults through minor yet critical milestones in self-reliance?