My (M42) daughter ended my relationship with my girlfriend (F35). How do I handle this?

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In a cozy rural home, a father’s heart sinks as his budding romance unravels under the weight of a teenager’s grief. Six years after losing his wife, a 42-year-old widower thought he’d found a spark with Liz, a kind woman ready to embrace his world. But his 16-year-old daughter, still tethered to her mother’s memory, spins a tale that shatters their fragile harmony. What begins as a hopeful step forward ends in a painful standoff, leaving a father torn between love and loyalty.

This Reddit story tugs at the heartstrings, revealing the messy dance of moving on after loss. Readers can’t help but feel the widower’s anguish and his daughter’s quiet pain, wondering how to mend a family caught in grief’s shadow. With raw emotion and high stakes, it’s a tale that begs us to explore the delicate balance of healing and holding on.

‘My (M42) daughter ended my relationship with my girlfriend (F35). How do I handle this?’

I M42 Liz F35 I debated whether to write this post because I’m concerned my daughter might see it, but I’m at a loss at what to do here. I lost my wife, “Kate,” 6 years ago when my daughter, “Sally,” was 10 years old. I started dating again at the beginning of 2021, when we were all mostly comfortable walking around in public without fear of catching the plague.

With my first two girlfriends, the relationships never made it long enough for me to feel comfortable introducing them to Sally. I started dating my (now ex) girlfriend, “Liz,” in November. She met my daughter last month, and as I sort of expected, she wasn’t too friendly with Liz. She wasn’t flat out rude, but she was definitely cold towards her.

Liz never pushed in either way; she tried making small talk about books, music, movies, anything, but my daughter wouldn’t give her any more than single-word answers. We knew it would take time for her to get used to the idea of me dating again. I understand that.

A couple of weeks ago, Liz came by after work so we could have dinner, and she was excited to show me an old yearbook she found from when she was in high school. We looked at it, made fun of people’s hair, etc. There was a picture that had a heart around it, and my daughter asked about it; that was Liz’s first boyfriend.

You could obviously tell that was drawn on ages ago. Two days ago, Sally comes to me, telling me she saw Liz “cheating on me” with some random dude. At no point did I believe my daughter about this. She said she saw her kidding and hugging some guy at the park, and it was just obviously not true. Just the fact she said she saw her at the park was enough to know she was lying.

Liz has seasonal allergies, you couldn't pay her to go to a park, in spring. I feel like she wasn't even really trying to convince me; maybe she was just trying to start a fight. I don’t know how to explain it. There was no concern in her voice like you’d think she would be upset someone is cheating on her dad, right? no, she sounded annoyed that I was asking questions and poking holes in her story.

I called Liz and I told her what Sally had said, and I assured her that I didn’t believe a word of it, but asked if she would come by so we could address it together. When Liz got home, she asked Sally to please sit on the couch and tell her what it is she thinks she saw. She went on about how she saw her at a park kissing “this random tall black dude.”

She was trying to describe the guy she saw with the heart around his picture. Liz told Sally she was a little disappointed she didn’t come up with something better than accusing her of cheating with the guy she saw on her yearbook. She mentioned that if Sally had even bothered to look at the yearbook, she would have seen it’s not even from the same state we live in.

The odds of finding him here are abysmally low, not adding the fact that he was a POS and “you wouldn’t catch her breathing the same air as him if you paid me.” Sally didn’t say anything and wouldn't look up from her lap. Liz said she needed a few minutes to think and that she was going to make herself a cup of coffee.

She comes back a few minutes later and tells Sally that she understands that she misses her mom and that she is probably thinking that had her mother never died, she (Liz) would have probably never even been a part of our lives. That she never intended to try to replace her in any way, shape, or form.

All she ever tried to do was help me out in any way she could because she was hoping there was a future where all 3 were at the very least civil. She said that if she was in Kate's position, she would have wanted someone to keep me company, be a partner and a friend, anything but to be alone.

She gave the example that if I was ever sick with a bad flu, I could feel comfortable knowing there was another adult I could trust to keep down the fort. Just a f**king friend really. And then she tells me 'I am 35 years old, I am way, way too f**king old to be playing this kind of he said she said drama.

I really wanted us to work out but not at the risk of your relationship with your daughter, I tried telling her that we can work this out but she reminded me that I have known her for less than one year. That we had not hit the “sunken cost” issues yet and it wasn't worth destroying my relationship with 'my last piece of Kate' She picked up her purse and keys and left.

She won answer when I call her and the few times I've texted her she either leaves me on read or gives me a flat 'no.' when I asked if we could meet to talk about this. I was left f**king speechless. I still can't even look at my daughter. I understand she’s struggling, but I feel 16 is old enough to know f**king better. I changed the password to the wifi. We live in a rural area, without wifi she might as well not even have electricity.. What do I do? How do I handle this?

When a teenager’s grief collides with a parent’s new romance, it’s like mixing oil and water—messy and hard to blend. This widower’s daughter, Sally, isn’t just acting out; her lie about Liz’s “cheating” screams unresolved pain from losing her mom. The father’s instinct to involve Liz in confronting Sally backfired, escalating a family issue into a breakup. Liz’s exit, while mature, leaves the dad grappling with how to parent through grief while chasing happiness.

This scenario reflects a broader challenge for single parents. A 2021 study by the American Psychological Association notes that 70% of children of widowed parents struggle with parental dating, often fearing it erases their late parent’s memory (soucre). Sally’s coldness and deception likely stem from this fear, while her dad’s frustration shows he’s juggling his own healing.

Grief expert Dr. Alan Wolfelt says, “Children need permission to grieve and assurance that new relationships don’t replace the past” (soucre). Sally’s actions suggest she’s stuck in her loss, viewing Liz as a threat to her mom’s memory. Wolfelt’s insight calls for the dad to validate Sally’s feelings, reassuring her that Kate’s place in their hearts is secure.

To move forward, family therapy could help Sally process her grief and open lines of communication. The dad should avoid involving future partners in parenting disputes and set clear boundaries with Sally about honesty. A heartfelt talk, maybe over Kate’s favorite dessert, could bridge their gap.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s crew jumped in with a mix of tough love and empathy, serving up advice like a spicy family recipe. Here’s what they had to say:

misterk2020 − My suggestion would be to get your daughter some therapy and regarding your dating life, you should probably keep things separate until your daughter is off to college. As for the lady you were seeing, I would just let her go, she’s not ready for your situation and not many would be. Also, sorry for your loss.

MiloTheMagnificent − No you cost your relationship. Sorry dude but calling Liz to come over to address it was stupid. You knew it was a lie. That was a conversation to have between you and your daughter and you deal with that and then once you have acted like a parent you let Liz know. Liz didn’t need to be subjected to that b**lshit at all. I would have walked too. Leave her alone and start parenting your kid.

Adventurous-travel1 − As others said your daughter needs therapy. This will help her with her mom’s death and you dating others. Liz was correct with her conversation and you need to leave her alone until you figure things out with your daughter.

JMarie113 − Your daughter needs therapy. She hasn't worked through her grief. Maybe family counseling can help. She seems to have some anger toward you, personally. 

Jen5872 − Family therapy should be your first step. 

dudleymunta − I’ll probably be downvoted to hell for this. But she’s 16. She’s grieving yes. And I agree she needs support and therapy. Her dad’s first relationship after her mother’s death is naturally complex. But she’s also old enough to know that you don’t tell these sort of lies, and that you don’t deliberately try and hurt people because you are hurting. I’m not sure punishment is the way to go either, but there needs to be an expectation of not doing this again in with the support.

jammyenglishmuffin − I think you might need to reassess how you're interacting with Sally. It's not really surprising (as you said yourself) that Sally might react initially coldly to the first new woman you bring into her life after Kate's passing. But it's on you to try to help ease the transition, hear Sally's concerns and provide reassurance or try to help her understand, and to parent her when there's conflict.

A lot of people are recommending therapy for Sally which is probably a good idea to help her work through her grief during an already difficult and emotional phase of her life. I'd also recommend you personally try working with a therapist who deals with grief in families.

They may have insights that could help you better understand your daughter, have suggestions for ways to talk to her about tricky topics like you starting to date again and what that means for her and for your relationship as a unit, or have suggestions for things you can do to help smooth the transition and prepare your daughter for the next time you have a relationship progress to a serious-enough phase that you want to introduce a partner to your daughter.

The way you responded to this is strange. There's bound to be conflict with your daughter as you bring strangers into her life that will inevitably affect the dynamic she has with you and at home and the mental picture she has of what your family looks/looked like.

It would be in everyone's best interests for you to address these conflicts with your daughter directly and privately, and try to open up the communication lines to try to understand what her fears are, there could be any number of things (rational or irrational) she's struggling with:. Is she afraid of her mom's memory fading?

That you'll forget about Kate, or that you moving on romantically means that you didn't love Kate as much as she does or as much as she thinks you should? Is she worried about where her place will be or where she fits if you bring in a new partner?

That she'll get left behind with the memory of her mom (if you're moving on, will you just forget about the old life she wishes she could return to? Will you and a new partner make a new family? Where does that leave her?) What if you love this new person more than her? What if she loses your attention and affection?

What if you start to choose this new person over her?. Does she feel like you're cheating on her mom's memory? If you can figure out what she's scared about, you can then talk through those fears with her. You can reassure her, and come up with strategies together to make sure that doesn't happen (maybe this is setting known boundaries,

like I may date people, but no one will move in in less than a year and we'll have a conversation before any big steps are taken like moving in, an engagement, etc, maybe it's reassuring her that a new partner doesn't mean erasure of Kate, pictures will stay up and you are both free to talk, reminisce about, and miss Kate, her memory won't be shoved into a dusty corner).

All this really ought to stay between you and Sally, don't over involve new partners in your father-daughter parenting relationship, it's not their place and it's going to create more distance between you and Sally. This is about your relationship as a family and as her one remaining parent, more than it is about your dating life.

It's about you helping Sally understand why you are ready to start dating, what that does and doesn't mean for her especially in regard to her mother's memory, and you being a safe and understanding space for Sally to share her worries. It's a scary time for her, this is a big change with a lot of unknowns.

The more you can do to keep her close and show through your actions that even though as things change, there will still be constants: that she can come to you about problems, that you love her and will listen to her and help find solutions together,

and that no matter who else enters your lives and who else you may come to love, that you will continue to love and honor Kate's memory together - you can hold space for love for Sally, potentially love for a new partner, and love for Kate all at once.

Imsomniland − Work on your relationship with your daughter. That was the reason you and your gf broke up. You involved your (ex) gf because you can't/couldn't/wouldn't handle the situation with your daughter...on your own. That's why the breakup happened. Lesson learned but your future wife can't have a good relationship with her future step-daughter if her own dad doesn't have a good relationship.

tlf555 − I totally think your exGF did the right thing. She is respectful enough to accept that your daughter is your first priority, but at the same time, she doesn't need a relationship with lots of partner kid drama. I know this isn't easy on you, but maybe your daughter still needs support from the death of her mother.

Indigocell − This is on you, not Sally. It was a weird move to make this woman involved in parenting your troubled teenage daughter. That's where you messed up. Edit: daughter, not step-daughter.

These Redditors dish out hot takes, but do they nail the heart of this family’s struggle? It’s a reminder that online wisdom, while bold, can miss the full flavor of real-life grief.

This widower’s tale is a poignant reminder that love and loss are messy bedfellows. Sally’s actions, though hurtful, echo a teen’s desperate grasp for stability, while her dad’s heartbreak shows the cost of moving forward. Healing starts with patience, honest talks, and maybe a therapist’s nudge. If you were in this dad’s shoes, how would you balance your heart’s desires with your child’s pain? Drop your thoughts below—let’s unpack this together!

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