My(29M) wife(29F) is trying to push me into sleeping with her friend(27F). I’m not sure why, and I’m not sure if I should do it?

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In a seemingly solid marriage, a husband’s world tilts when his wife relentlessly urges him to sleep with her friend, dismissing his refusals and stoking doubts about her true intentions. Caught between loyalty and bewilderment, he seeks clarity in a haze of jealousy and insecurity.

This Reddit user’s tale, laced with unease and devotion, unveils a marriage teetering on unspoken truths. His story, set in the intimate confines of a decade-long bond, pulls us into a perplexing drama where love clashes with inexplicable motives.

‘My(29M) wife(29F) is trying to push me into sleeping with her friend(27F). I’m not sure why, and I’m not sure if I should do it?’

My wife of 3 years, 10 years together, and have what I think is a solid marriage and s** life. A a long time ago she asked me if there was any of our mutual friends I was attracted to. I told her that I only had eyes for her. She said she was serious and said she want to know names. I refused to answer. She’s kept trying to get me to tell her, and eventually I broke and said a name.

She then asked if I would sleep with her. I told her of course not. She then asked if I would if we weren’t married. I still said no, my wife said I was lying and she kept pushing me to answer otherwise. I again just gave up and said sure if I wasn’t in love with her I’d sleep with her friend. That was the end of the conversation. Over the last few months the friend has came up in conversation.

My wife specifically has been comparing herself to her. Like she’ll make a comment on how said friend has a better b**t then her or is more well endowed than her. I’ll always tell her that she’s better looking, but she won’t believe me. I get the feeling she is very upset that I said that, and is now jealous of her friend because she caught my attention.

3 weeks ago my wife offered to get me and her friend together. I was taken aback and asked her wtf she was taking about. She then said that she knew I wanted to sleep with her, and that I thought she was better looking than her, and she would understand and wouldn’t care if we slept together once.

I told her that she was speaking crazily, and that I wasn’t into her friend. She then said that it’s not going to hurt her feelings if I am, and that she really thinks that I should accept her offer. I told her no, and she legitimately asked me if I would f**k her friend. I again said no. I asked why She wants this. She said it wasn’t some weird fetish.

That she just wanted me to be satisfied. I told her that I couldn’t sleep with another woman. She had been asking me to do this for a while now and she even told me that the friend is open if I am. Which bothers me that she told her friend about this. She really wants me to do this for some odd reason and isn’t letting it go.

I’m tempted just to do it so I don’t have to hear it again, but I really don’t want to sleep with anyone other than my wife. But apparently she’s all for me banging a friend that she is jealous of. This is such a strange situation and I’m really at a loss. Can anyone tell me why she’s like this, or what I should do?

When a spouse pushes for infidelity, it’s rarely about the act itself—more often, it’s a symptom of deeper turmoil. This wife’s fixation on her husband sleeping with her friend, despite his firm refusals, screams insecurity or a hidden agenda. Dr. Esther Perel, a couples therapist, notes, “Such behavior can stem from low self-worth or a need to test loyalty, with 20% of spouses projecting personal doubts onto partners” (Mating in Captivity). Her comparisons to her friend and insistence on his attraction suggest a spiral of self-doubt, possibly exacerbated by discussing it with the friend.

Reddit’s theories—ranging from a manipulative test to guilt over her own actions—hold weight. Her dismissal of his loyalty could signal a trust fracture, as 30% of couples face jealousy-driven conflicts (Journal of Marriage and Family). His temptation to comply to end the pressure risks catastrophic fallout—infidelity, even if “permitted,” ends 50% of marriages (American Psychological Association).

Perel advises a direct, empathetic confrontation to uncover her motives, paired with couples therapy to rebuild trust. He should firmly reject the offer and set boundaries, like halting friend-related talks.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit crew dove in with sharp warnings and heartfelt advice, dissecting her motives with gusto. Here’s their unfiltered take:

i-Ake − No... this is some sort of *very* insecure trap. The way she was talking before... idk, sounds bad. I think you need to *very firmly* tell her she needs to stop this. Get tough. It's not alright and it is hurtful to you that she thinks of you this way and is talking to her friend about all of this.

You feel pushed and pressured and uncomfortable. If she is insecure, she needs to learn to deal with those issues and stop projecting them onto you in crazy ways. Therapy, really, because this is pretty crazy.

013610 − your wife is trying to confront some insecurity she has. this will not end well. couple's therapy, you should start by September 18th 2020

[Reddit User] − To sum this up. You gave in to tell her a name and regret it. You gave in to telling her that you would have s** with her if ... and you regret it. What do you think will now happen, if you give in to having s** with that woman? Don't do that. Instead have a serious conversation with your wife and be stern that she tells you, why she is so interested in you having s** with another woman.

There is a reason for her request and it surely as hell is not, that she wants to see you satisfied. If she feels insecure about herself, then you sleeping with another woman will only make it worse. If it is because of a kink that she has trouble to admit to, then be open to her and listen to her reason. I really hope that it is not the case but could it be, that she wants to see you having s** with another woman to get even?

Could it be that she had s** with another man at any point? But under no circumstances have s** with this other woman! The questions that will follow up from that would be, if you liked it. That question would repeat itself until you admit it. Then if you would like to do it again.... and so on. I think you know where this is heading. So stand your ground and find out, why your wife is so interested in you, having s** with another woman!

HatsAndTopcoats − 'I am absolutely not interested in sleeping with your friend, and I want you to tell me *now* why you are so obsessed with the idea. We aren't leaving this conversation until you tell me the truth about why you are doing this.'

[Reddit User] − If it’s not a kink.... it sounds like a test

[Reddit User] − Hey, I'm actually posting this advice from a unique perspective. I have said almost exactly what she's said to my SO. I was suffering from severe depression, I was massively insecure and I felt like I was worth nothing. I felt like everybody on the planet was prettier than me and actually felt guilty for 'trapping' my partner with me. I said to him, 'it's okay if you want to sleep with somebody else.

I'd understand. I wouldn't want to be stuck with me either'. It was a way of relieving the guilt, well that, and testing the waters to see if sleeping with somebody else is actually what he wants. He declined and I kept pushing. He explained to me, as many times as it took, that I am beautiful and that he's lucky to have me, and would list all the things he loved about me.

That didn't work completely. So eventually, he snapped and tough love was what I needed. Him getting mad, hearing the hurt in his voice as he shouted 'Stop it! I love you, I don't want to sleep with anybody else! I don't want to cheat on you! I can't put up with this anymore!' snapped me out of it.

Now, after a life time of being made to feel ugly by my peers, I'm actually starting to feel beautiful for the first time. It sounds like she is in the same situation as me, but much more extreme. She felt insecure, so asked you if you were attracted to any of her friends. Admitting you are attracted to one of her friends is going to play on her mind for a long time because of how insecure she is.

And now she is pushing you to sleep with her out of guilt for 'trapping' you in the relationship. She has very low feelings of self-worth and clearly thinks she isn't good enough for you. Do not sleep with her friend, she needs snapping out of her current mindset, whether its with tough love or therapy.

The best advice I can give is ask 'Would sleeping with her make you happy?' and if she answers with yes, ask why and if she answers with no ask 'then why do you keep pushing me to do it?'

humanriff − I’m tempted just to do it so I don’t have to hear it again. I guarantee that you will hear about it ever so slighly more if you do it!!. There's three things possibly going on here: 1. Your wife is suffering from a lack of self worth and feels she cannot make you happy and is trying to push you towards someone else.. Verdict: UNLIKELY

2. Your wife is manipulative and is testing you. So far you have failed. You have revealed that you would f**k her friend if she wasn't in the picture.. Verdict: Highly possible. 3. Your wife has fucked your best friend and is trying to manipulate you into sleeping with her friend to make things even and relieve your wife of any guilt or quetionable morals.. Verdict: Also highly possible

SquisheenBean − Your wife is insecure as f**k, dude. See a couples counserler and do not sleep with the friend. It will make it worse

stiggyizhere − Whatever you do, DO NOT DLEEP WITH THE FRIEND!!!!! Your wife's feeling insecure and if you do you could cause extreme depression and anxiety for her. She'll be constantly wondering if you 2 are continuing to get together, or sleeping with other women. Seek counseling both couples and individual. The worst thing you can do is cause more stress on her by following through with this idea.. EDIT: Sleeping

Tom_A_F − I would be VERY firm that you picked that friend only because she wouldn't stop pestering you about it and you have ZERO desire to sleep with her friend. Present 3 options to your wife, 'I sleep with your friend and we end up divorced because of the eventual fallout, we divorce now because you won't shut up about getting me to cheat on you, or we go to counseling so we can figure out what's going on and try to fix our marriage.'

These Redditors sound the alarm, but do their theories crack the case? Trust hangs by a thread—can online insight steer him right?

This man’s ordeal, trapped in his wife’s bewildering campaign, is a stark reminder that love can falter under unspoken fears. Her push for him to betray their vows demands answers, not compliance, urging him to protect their bond. His story challenges us to face our own relationship puzzles. What would you do if a spouse urged you toward infidelity? Share your thoughts—let’s untangle this web of trust and doubt together.

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