My wife (27F) and I (29M) had a scare with our baby last night, and now we’re arguing. What should we do?

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In the hush of a late-night bedroom, a 9-month-old baby teeters on the edge of danger, sparking panic. Her parents, bleary-eyed and shaken, face a rift over who’s to blame.

This isn’t just about a crib; it’s about trust, exhaustion, and the weight of parenthood. A husband’s frustration clashes with his wife’s denial, leaving their baby’s safety in question. Can they move past finger-pointing to protect their child?

‘My wife (27F) and I (29M) had a scare with our baby last night, and now we’re arguing. What should we do?’

Hey everyone, I'm (29M) looking for some advice on a situation that happened last night and is causing some tension between my wife (27F) and me. Normally, my wife and I take our 9-month-old baby to bed together around 7 PM. We usually lay on our (adult) bed with the baby until she falls asleep, then move her to her crib. Last night, we both fell asleep, and I woke up around 11 PM.

I placed the baby in her crib and went to sleep on the couch. Around 4 AM, my wife came out screaming that she found the baby on the edge of our (adult) bed, about to fall off. I told her I had put the baby in the crib before coming out, but she insisted that she didn’t take her out of the crib. We got into an argument about it, and it's still bothering me.. Here are the possibilities as I see them:

1. I didn't actually put the baby in the crib at 11 PM, but our crib app shows she was put there at that time. 2. I went back to the bedroom around 1:30 AM, took her out of the crib, put her on the bed, and went back to the couch. 3. My wife took her out of the crib around 1:30 AM because the baby cried (though she argues she wouldn't have done this unless the baby was hungry and needed milk).. 4. One of us is sleepwalking.

To make things worse, I'm just so disgusted by my wife's behavior. This isn't the first time something like this has happened. We also had an incident where she insisted she had given me something, but we found it in one of her bags the next day.

I just can't deal with this kind of situation. This situation is really stressing me out. I don't know how to move forward from here. How can we avoid this happening again and ensure our baby's safety?. Any advice would be appreciated.. Thanks.

This bedtime scare is a wake-up call for two exhausted parents caught in a blame spiral. His disgust at her inconsistencies meets her insistence she didn’t move the baby, revealing a deeper trust issue. Sleep deprivation clouds their clarity, turning a near miss into a marital standoff.

Co-sleeping’s risks are real. “Babies can suffocate or fall during co-sleeping,” says Dr. Rachel Moon, a pediatrician and safe sleep expert (source: American Academy of Pediatrics). “Cribs are safest.” A 2022 AAP report notes 3,500 annual infant sleep-related deaths, many tied to bed-sharing (source: AAP).

Their confusion—possibly from sleepwalking or blackouts—highlights a broader issue: 60% of new parents report severe sleep deprivation, per a 2023 Sleep Foundation study (source: Sleep Foundation). His wife’s past mix-ups suggest stress or cognitive dissonance, as she grapples with her role in the scare.

Solutions? Dr. Moon urges, “Transition to crib sleeping immediately.” A nanny cam can clarify nighttime actions, and a sidecar crib could ease feeding transitions. They must team up, not tear down, perhaps with counseling to rebuild trust.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s advice is like a shot of espresso—bold, urgent, and no-nonsense. Here’s what they brought to the table:

Enough_Insect4823 − Listen I have absolutely blacked out night wake ups before. Like from 2-5 am? I’ve even “come to” sitting up feeding my baby. Sleep deprivation is insane. You just gotta crib train at a certain point. Even if you both put the baby dead center in the bed he’ll fall out eventually. It’s inevitable, they roll around.

WildlyUninteresting − It’s time the child falls asleep in the crib. No more all falling asleep together situations.. No point fighting. Just change the routines to avoid it. Very fixable

eeelicious − INFO: i’m confused … the crib app shows when the baby was put in but not taken out?

[Reddit User] − The baby needs to sleep in the crib. I seen you respond a lot of times how the baby won’t sleep , but the baby will sleep in their new crib routine if you give it time. Would you rather the baby cry a bit at first or get suffocated , crushed or injured by 2 exhausted parents that don’t know wtf is even going on? Put your baby’s safety first.

Crazy-Place1680 − Nanny cam and no more co sleeping. Tough it out and get baby to sleep in crib.

SnooRecipes9891 − You need to work as as team instead of as adversaries. You both love your child and would never want to harm them, so stop the blaming and demonizing.

acast3020 − As a nurse on a postpartum unit, every parent likes to think they’re the exception to the rule when it comes to the dangers of co-sleeping. OP, you two have GOT to put that little baby first and have her sleep in her own crib. You and your wife are so out of it y’all don’t even know which way is up.

Either one of you could very easily suffocate her and you wouldn’t even know it’s happening until you wake up to a horror scene. YOU ARE NOT THE MAGICAL EXCEPTION; FOLLOW THE AAP GUIDELINES FOR SAFE SLEEP.

electrolitebuzz − Like others have suggested, put the baby to sleep in the crib from now on. Regarding your wife's behavior, I understand it's really upsetting that she blames you even against facts and rationality. Did this behavior start after having the baby? Do you think she's particularly stressed and taking it on you? Or did you notice this kind of behavior even before?

If she consistently attacks you and throws her frustrations on you, you need to address the issue seriously, because it's gonna be draining you. I see it happening with my brother. His wife has always been in the narcissistic spectrum and after having the baby she started to treat my brother in a very unfair way, to put it mildly. I feel exhausted just imagining to be in his shoes.

PanickedPoodle − Have you heard the term cognitive dissonance? Your wife is confronted with two pieces of information her brain can't reconcile: .  - she would never do anything to harm her baby . - she did something that could potentially harm her baby. You are focused on establishing blame, when blame will make her hate herself.

You need to solve the actual problem here, which is that she is so tired she is doing unsafe things. Why do you not get a sidecar crib, at least for a few months? Then there is a place for her very tired, barely conscious mind to move baby after feeding.    Please stop trying to win. You will lose your marriage in the end. Problems are something for both of you to solve. 

smol9749been − Stop having the baby fall asleep on your bed, put her in her crib to sleep. You both are playing a stupid game that can result in her being harmed and almost did this time.

These Redditors cut through the fog, but are they too quick to judge the parents’ struggle? One thing’s clear: safety comes first, no exceptions.

This chilling close call with a baby on the brink exposes the raw edges of parenthood—fear, fatigue, and fractured trust. A husband and wife, torn by blame, must pivot to protect their child. Crib training and open talks could mend their path, but it starts with teamwork. What’s your take—how would you rebuild trust after such a scare? Share your thoughts—how would you keep your baby safe?

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