My (m29) girlfriend (f26) had an affair for 6 month and I gave her a second chance. How do I not feel like a stupid i**ot now?

Jonathan Hours
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The clock struck 4 a.m., but sleep was a distant memory for one man, his gut screaming something was wrong. Nine years with his girlfriend—built on love, shared dreams, and trust—crumbled when he found a love letter exposing her six-month affair. He gave her a second chance, pouring hope into therapy, only to discover her texting her lover again. The sting of betrayal hit twice as hard, leaving him questioning his own heart.

This isn’t just a breakup story; it’s a raw wrestle with love’s limits. Kicking her out, he’s left picking up the pieces, haunted by self-doubt but fueled by resolve. Readers dive into a whirlwind of loyalty, heartbreak, and the courage to walk away, wondering: can you ever truly forgive a cheater, or is self-respect the only way forward?

‘My (m29) girlfriend (f26) had an affair for 6 month and I gave her a second chance. How do I not feel like a stupid i**ot now?’

My (M29) girlfriend (F26) cheated and I gave her a second chance. How do I not feel like a stupid i**ot now?. Kind of Update to my post a month ago. (Found a love letter to my GF of 9 years) Hey, maybe some of you will remember my last post a month ago, where I found a love letter to my gf and she confessed to an affair of 6 months..

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I deleted my other Reddit account so I have to post on a new one.. We tried working through it, went to therapy and she swapped her night shifts to day shifts.. It went pretty good, but I had some difficulties.. I was thinking about her affair every time we touched and when we went on dates..

But you were all right. 6 hours ago at 4am I woke up and felt terrible. I made the decision to look through her phone and I found a chat.. They started texting and calling again after only 2 weeks.. I feel like a stupid i**ot.

It’s only 4 weeks since I found out about the affair and she managed to not text him for only 2 weeks.. I told her again to pack her things and leave immediately. I don’t know what I should do now to finally find closure and how I could not hate myself for doing this to me again.. Hopefully some comments can make me feel a bit better.

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This man’s saga is a gut-wrenching lesson in trust’s fragility. Giving his girlfriend a second chance took guts, but her quick return to her lover—barely two weeks after therapy—screams disrespect. His pain isn’t just about betrayal; it’s the blow to his self-worth after nine years. Her actions, not his forgiveness, are the failure here, yet he’s left feeling foolish.

Infidelity scars deeply—studies show 60% of couples who try reconciliation face trust issues long-term . The girlfriend’s relapse fits a pattern; cheaters often repeat without genuine change. Dr. Shirley Glass, a infidelity expert, noted, “Rebuilding trust requires transparency and accountability, not just promises” (source: psychologytoday.com). Her secret texts prove she wasn’t all in.

Advice? Block her completely to protect your peace. Lean on friends, therapy, or even a gym routine to rebuild confidence. Focus on self-growth—hobbies, goals, anything that sparks joy.

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Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s got a knack for dishing out wisdom with a side of heart—here’s what the crowd had to say about this man’s heartbreak and hard-won exit.

Sebscreen − Good for you in finally getting out nonetheless. Better late than never. Staying with a cheater, especially one who was exposed rather than confessed, is almost always a terrible idea.  It's the same person who made the decision to cheat on you before, plus they now have even less respect for you because you took a known cheater back.

Birdy8588 − Listen, you're not stupid. 9 years is a long time and you weren't ready to let it go yet. I know it hurts right now sweetheart but a year from now you are going to be so happy that you found out only 4 weeks later and didn't go on believing everything was fine for another 9 years.

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The best thing you can do for yourself now is allow yourself to grieve the relationship. Be upset, punch a pillow, talk to friends/family. I would also recommend maybe going for a walk or doing some form of exercise every day to keep yourself grounded. But most of all forgive yourself because this is NOT your fault at all.. Wishing you the best of luck ❤️

Izzy4162305 − Closure is a myth. You got all the closure you needed when you followed your gut instinct and checked her phone. You got closure by ending the relationship and not tolerating the cheating again.

Negative_Chair_411 − I am not for 'Cheaters always Cheat' but 99.999% of the time that's usually the case. Its a HUGE RISK to give second chance to the cheater . Giving them another Chance means You need to come to terms with yourself that they may cheat again and honestly Its not worth it..

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Its Good that you found about it before You got serious.. Learn from This and Move on and Honestly I always say ' get into relationship with the one who shares the same value as yours'

Dont139 − Do not hate yourself. You did everything you could. Even if it hurt, you decided to not give up until you had explored every avenue to try and stay together. You gave everything a chance. If you hadn't, you would always have thought 'what if?'

(Not that everybody should give their cheating partner a chance, but you clearly were not through with the relationship yet and it would have kept being in the back of your mind). Now you know that even with giving it your all, she was trash and disrespected you to the core. You can't love someone if you don't respect them. And she did not respect you.

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Sometimes we need to make the mistake to learn. Here, you made the mistake of taking her back. It's lile a kid touching a flame and getting burnt. You needed to check a second time. You got more burnt, but it does not mean you were consciously inviting her to do it. You still clung onto the image of her as you knew her, a loving partner that respected you.

It's hard to let that image be shattered sometimes. Now at least, you know for good. Do not feel bad to love. You did it out of love. You have nothing to be embarassed about. You gave it your best, you really tried. At least now you can let go of her knowing she is just trash for treating a decade long relationship and partner this way

Particular_Sock_2864 − You know for what it's worth you have a big heart to try to forgive someone. Not everyone does or is capable of even trying. You did try and it's not your fault that it didn't work.  Her wasting this chance you gave her is pretty messed up and it says a lot about her character. You'll be better off with someone who isn't a cheater. 

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Even if you had trouble forgiving her and thinking about the affair every time you touched her isn't your fault, it's just human.  You tried man, it didn't work. And she did not help her cause but also disrespected you again. Now that is inexcusable.  Don't hate yourself please. Also don't hate her, it doesn't help you to poison your thoughts and mind giving you stress cause she treated you poorly.

She doesn't deserve this power over you.  Surround yourself with friends, family. Do things that bring you joy (eventually after the first shock). Let out your emotions of grief and sadness and if it gets too much seek help.  I for of think you're strong because you tried and followed your heart. Not your fault she broke it with her actions. . All the best man. Take care

HugoPumpkin − Don’t feel like an i**ot because you are a trustful and forgiving person. Keep that. It’s good that you listened to your gut feeling, keep that too. Focus on yourself and why you fell for her and move on. Not everyone is like this and you have all opportunities now to find you someone special and like you. You are a catch, so don’t let her character ruining you.

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Impressive-Fee-16 − So what was her excuse this time? 😂

Larrynho − How do I not feel like a stupid i**ot now? You dont, and you should not. Let it be your remainder for future relationships of 'once a cheater, always a cheater'. It's on your hand what to do with your life, dont want to feel like an stupid? Then dont play stupid games.

Improve yourself, work on yourself, get some therapy maybe, hit the gym, follow your golas, and you will eventually start to feel better... and ALWAYS remember to not make stupid decisions... and taking back a cheater is 99.9% of the times a VERY stupid decision.

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Absoma − As my therapist told me, HER actions are all the closure you need. Block her forever and never contact her again. She doesn't deserve your time. She chose to end it. Guess what, you are hurt but you will get over it. The best part of this is not being in a relationship with a cheater!!! Go to the gym and work on yourself for a while. Remember, she isn't the only source for your happiness!

These takes are raw and real, but do they capture the full weight of his choice? Or is there more to unpack in this betrayal?

This man’s story cuts deep: love pushed him to forgive, but betrayal forced him to walk away. His courage to end it shines, yet the scars of self-doubt linger. Have you ever given a cheater a second chance, only to regret it? Or found strength in letting go? Share your stories—what’s the key to healing after betrayal? Let’s talk it out.

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