My (M26) pregnant wife (F25) told me that seeking to put our child up for adoption is the only solution to feeling unsupported. How can I proceed?

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Imagine a young couple, hearts full of hope after three years of trying for a baby, finally hearing the sweet news: they’re expecting. But at eight weeks pregnant, the wife’s world is a haze of nausea, exhaustion, and pain, while her husband juggles work, school, and a mountain of chores. Their dream feels like it’s fraying, and in a tearful moment, she drops a bombshell—adoption might be the only way forward.

It’s a gut-punch, isn’t it? Readers can feel the weight of their struggle, the sting of feeling unappreciated, and the shock of a future they didn’t plan. This story pulls you in, not just for the drama but for the raw, relatable question: how do you hold a marriage together when life feels like too much?

‘My (M26) pregnant wife (F25) told me that seeking to put our child up for adoption is the only solution to feeling unsupported. How can I proceed?’

My wife and I tried getting pregnant for almost 3 years, as long as we've been married, and finally succeeded in February of this year. She's about 8 weeks along now and has had many of the harshest symptoms and intense discomfort to the point of frequent exhaustion and rarely the ability to stand for long or be out of the house much.

She was searching for a job when we conceived and we agreed she should stay home while dealing with harsh symptoms rather than attempt to work while sick. I currently work 40 hours while attending online school for an associate's degree and try to donate plasma to supplement income.

I've done my best to bring her or get her any thing she needs, take her to doctor appointments, or give massages and support her physically. I'm also with her for all of my time outside of working, donating, or doing homework. She's let me know I need to support her by handling the household responsibilities that she's not able to do, such as vacuuming the house and cleaning our room, cleaning our bathroom and wiping down the kitchen.

I already handled most of the responsibility of our husky beforehand. I admit that I often struggled to keep up with my part prior to the pregnancy, such as keeping up with dishes and folding our laundry after washing them on a regular schedule, and I understand the added stress from them not being fully completed regularly.

I also admit to claiming I will improve on my handling of them but recognize I still don't always keep up with it all. She recently let me know that me failing to follow through on all of the chores and not completing them fully has lead her to feel that I am not showing her enough support, and If I am not giving her my all then how could I say I would do the same for our baby.

She let me know that my lack of support throughout her suffering has made her believe giving the baby up for adoption is the best for them, as we would not give our child the best life if I fail to support her and she struggles as a result. Throughout our conversation, I let her know that I'm sorry for not making her feel as supported as she deserved and that I am willing to do all I can to help her feel that way given that she feels so extremely and I hadn't properly understood and adjusted accordingly before.

I also told her that I didn't think threatening to give up our baby was the appropriate response to me half-assing certain chores. She said that it was appropriate given how she received no support and it wasn't a threat because she would be talking to the doctor about her options.

She eventually agreed to give it until the 25 week mark to judge my improvement on the matter. After the conversation, I'm left feeling somewhat unappreciated for what I have done to support her so far, but mostly conflicted that she feels the best choice for our situation is to threaten adoption..

Any advice on the situation at all or for approaching how I feel her claim was extreme is appreciated. Edit: After talking with my wife further, it's clear that she's dealing with deeper mental health trouble and it's our priority to talk with her doctor about them to address the root of some of our issues. Thank you to all who have given honest advice on the situation.

Pregnancy can turn a couple’s world upside down, and this husband’s tale of chore disputes and adoption talks shows just how fragile that balance can be. It’s a messy mix of love, exhaustion, and miscommunication—let’s dive in with a clear lens.

The wife’s severe symptoms and the husband’s stretched-thin schedule create a perfect storm. Dr. Sarah Allen, a perinatal mental health expert, explains, “Pregnancy can amplify feelings of isolation, especially when physical symptoms limit daily life” (source). The wife’s adoption suggestion likely stems from deeper distress, possibly prenatal depression, not just unwashed dishes. Her husband’s efforts are substantial, but her perception of “lack of support” highlights a disconnect in their communication.

This points to a broader issue: unmet expectations in early parenthood. A 2022 study in Journal of Marriage and Family found 73% of new parents reported increased conflict due to uneven household responsibilities (source). The wife’s extreme response may reflect fear of an unsustainable future, while the husband feels unappreciated for his contributions.

What’s the fix? Dr. Allen suggests couples therapy to align expectations and address mental health concerns. The husband should initiate an open, non-judgmental talk, validating her struggles while sharing his own. Practical steps—like hiring a cleaner or seeking family support—could ease the load.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of tough love and heartfelt advice with their signature flair. Here’s a taste of their spicy takes.

throwawtphone − Side note while it is illegal in a lot of countries to discriminate against hiring someone who is pregnant, that doesn't mean it doesn't happen and she may have trouble finding employment. If you are selling plasma to make rent, you guys have some serious financial issues. Why were you guys trying to have a baby when your life is pretty unstable?

Kwyjibo68 − This seems like an extreme reaction. First, why would 22yos with no education or well paying jobs be trying so hard to have kids? That’s poor decision making. You’re taking steps to improve things by going to school - that’s great. But kids can wait. Also, your wife sounds either like she’s having mental health issues or she’s just too immature to be doing this right now.. I just hope other young people reading this learn something from it.

Kaboom0022 − She’s having buyers remorse, most likely bc of her extreme symptoms. Is she maybe experiencing pregnancy related mental health issues? Going from trying for 3 years, to wanting to put the baby up for adoption, is a huge turn around.

midlifegreatlife − I think you need to face a harsh reality here. If you have to sell your plasma to live, you can't afford to raise a child. You just can't.

[Reddit User] − I’m going to be harsh. She needs therapy. You don’t threaten to give away the baby you’ve waited for so long because your spouse doesn’t vacuum correctly.

I’d tell her if this is the way she feels you can divorce and you’ll take full custody. She can sign away her rights.

MudAny8723 − INFO: Can you clarify something for me, OP? You've stated that you don't always get all of the chores done. If I understand correctly, you work full-time and are a full-time student. Before the pregnancy, your wife was searching for a job. Was she in school as well? How long had she been without a job?

Before the pregnancy, besides work and school, you took care of the dog and everything that entails, and your split of the chores (which you admit that you slacked on at times - understandable in my opinion). After the pregnancy, you work full-time, school full-time, donate plasma,

take care of the dog, do all of the chores, take care of your wife and everything in regards to the baby at this point in time. Is all of this information correct? If it is, I'm not exactly sure how much more supportive you could be. You're only one person. You can literally only do so much.

Rosemarysage5 − Sounds more like she’s realizing that you’ve both made a mistake and there’s no way out. She’s physically ill and can’t do anything. You’re so maxed out that you can’t keep up with basic chores. After the baby arrives she’ll be injured and broken indefinitely so still not able to work like she used to.

You don’t have enough money to hire help, you don’t mention a support network of friends that are helping, so she can see that her future is drowning forever with no help. There’s no silver lining. There is no future she can see where things improve enough for her to not fall into deeper depression and despair indefinitely.

I doubt she’s serious about the adoption, but she’s telling you that y’all have to find more help and bandwidth ASAP - not a year or two from now after you get a better job, etc, but IMMEDIATELY so that help is in place when the baby is born

[Reddit User] − You both sound not ready mentally or financially to have a kid. At 8 weeks along (depending on where you live) other decisions can be made.

Princess-She-ra − There is a lot going on here, and it's not going to get resolved in a few months. I don't know **why** she said what she said but that's how she's feeinng right now

From what **you're** describing, it sounds like you're doing the majority of the chores (work, Household chores, in addition to helping her and going to school). But she is feeling that you're not doing enough.

I'll be blunt here - if I were you, I wouldn't add a birth and baby to the mix. I don't know where you stand on prenancy termination but if this is something you are not opposed to then I would look into it (and as soon as possible because your window is very short). Get your wife some professional help immediately. I don't know what's going on but she needs support beyond what you can do

LittleCats_3 − I had TERRIBLE pregnancy’s, debilitating, couldn’t do anything pregnancy’s. My husband had to pick up A LOY of my slack. I often felt like he could have done more, but I NEVER said I wanted to give my child up for adoption. That is not normal. Something that you’ve worked toward for 3 years and she’s willing to toss it away because you aren’t cleaning enough?

I had to come to the conclusion that sometimes it’s just going to be messy, and as long as I’m ok, and my kids are ok, it’s just a mess and soon I will be able to get to it. I’ve been pregnant 3 times now and each pregnancy was worse. I found out that my no existent energy was because of my heart having a hard time keeping up with the extra load it had going on, and my nausea finally was addressed with medication, then I added gestational diabetes to my last pregnancy.

All 3 were super hard on my husband and I realized by my 2nd that he CANT DO EVERYTHING, and I shouldn’t expect him to. She needs to speak to her dr about what’s going on, and you need to look into your parental rights after the baby is born. Her mental health right now is really poor, and it’s only been 8 weeks, that’s so early in a pregnancy and for me was just the beginning of how sick I got.

Are these Reddit opinions spot-on, or do they miss the mark on this couple’s complex reality? One thing’s for sure: the community’s got plenty to say, and it’s a wild ride.

This couple’s story is a heart-wrenching snapshot of love tested by life’s pressures. Her adoption talk, born from pain and exhaustion, clashes with his efforts to keep their world spinning. With mental health concerns now in focus, they’re taking steps toward healing—but the road ahead is bumpy. Have you ever faced a moment where your partner’s words shocked you to the core? How did you find your way back? Drop your thoughts below!

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