AITA for Buying Myself a Necklace My Jeweler Husband Refused to Gift?

In a world of sparkling gems and crafted gold, a jeweler couple’s shared craft should make gift-giving a breeze. Yet, for her 50th birthday, a woman’s clear request for a specific gold link necklace was dismissed by her husband as “inappropriate.” After months of hints, photos, and even the designer’s contact, she took matters into her own hands, trading for the piece herself—only to face his sneers and eye-rolls.

This Reddit tale glitters with tension, weaving a story of personal agency, spousal disconnect, and unmet expectations. Let’s dive into this jewelry drama and explore what it reveals about love, respect, and self-worth.

‘AITA for Buying Myself a Necklace My Jeweler Husband Refused to Gift?

My spouse and I are both jewelers. You’d think this would made gift giving easy. Wrong. For the past 5 or 6 months I’ve been asking my spouse for a very specific necklace for my bday and the holidays. Showed him photos. Gave him the designer’s contact info. Every time he’d ask, “What do you want for your bday?” I’d say, “that one necklace”. Well, the day is almost here.

Husband has zero plans made for anything and as for the necklace? He informed me he doesn’t feel it makes an “appropriate 50th bday” gift. What!? We are literally jewelers. We make a living selling jewelry to be given as gifts. This is literally what we have done for decades. So, it’s appropriate for anyone but just not me?

That totally bizarre and bewildering statement aside, I got the necklace for myself after spouse confirmed he didn’t buy it and didn’t plan to. Now he’s miffed I got it it at all. He sneered when I told him I got it via trade (remember we’re both jewelers) and he more or less scoffed. No congrats. No “happy you finally got it”.

Just a sneer and an eye roll. And a left handed comment like, “I don’t even know why you like that necklace so much. I don’t get it.” (It’s the designer’s number one seller btw) So, AITA for getting myself the gift I really wanted? He wasn’t going to do it. He went so far as to say it was “inappropriate” as a gift. It’s not. It’s just a gold link chain. And I really, truly did want it.. AITA?

This necklace saga uncovers a troubling dynamic in gift-giving and respect. The husband’s refusal to honor his wife’s clear, reasonable request—despite their shared profession—signals a lack of emotional attunement. His scorn when she empowered herself suggests control or jealousy, possibly over her choosing another designer’s work.

Relationship therapist Dr. John Gottman notes in What Makes Love Last?, “Small acts of attentiveness, like honoring a partner’s wishes, build trust.” Studies show 65% of couples report gift-giving conflicts stem from mismatched expectations, often reflecting deeper issues. His “inappropriate” claim and dismissive reaction undermine her autonomy.

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She was right to buy the necklace; self-gifting is empowering when needs are ignored. A candid talk about his behavior could clarify underlying issues, but he must own his dismissiveness.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit shone like a jewelry case with this one—imagine a workshop buzzing with heated takes! Most cheered the woman, slamming her husband’s petty reaction.

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nimminox − NTA. There was a ring I loved and had asked for it as a Xmas present from my then BF. The design name was my own name and it had my favourite stone in it. It wasn't an engagement ring, and I had no interest in it being one, but he refused to buy it.

So I went out and bought it myself. It's still my favourite piece of jewellery and I still wear it nearly 10 years later. Best bit is that a couple of years ago, after we broke up he saw me and commented about me still wearing his ring. I just laughed and reminded him that I'd bought it for myself 😄😄

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Economic_Nexus − NTA. I can’t imagine stating over and over what I want and essentially being ignored or belittled each time. He’s made every excuse to not give it as a gift, and you finally responded correctly - by buying it yourself. It very much seems that, for whatever reason, he wasn’t going to give it to you and did not want you to have it.

Honestly though, if your descriptions of his behavior is accurate, I’d wonder what is underlying this. It’s strange behavior for a loving relationship, and it seems like something more is going on. If you want the marriage to be healthy and functional, I would think it’s necessary to address the deeper issue.

strongopinion4life − NTA It doesnt matter why you like the necklace, you wanted it for YOUR birthday and the fact he didnt get it for you and was a jerk about it says a lot. If he wasnt going to get you the only thing you asked then what was he going to get you? Plus if he wasnt going to give you what you wanted then you can get it your self. Like Ariana says 'I want it I got it.'

GlassMotor9670 − NTA. He sounds like an absolute peach.. Hmmm, for his birthday, could you gold plate some dog s**t?

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Expensive-Honey-1527 − NTA. When my son was 5 months old the only thing I asked for for my birthday was a lie in. I didn't get it. Husband refused to get up with the baby. He said it was a stupid birthday present. But it was what I wanted and that should have been the only thing that mattered. I've never forgiven or forgotten that and it was 9 years ago.

Ravenkelly − NTA. Please get yourself another gift - a spouse who actually LIKES you. Yours sounds like a complete a**hole.

sqeeky_wheelz − INFO: is he always a d**khead, or is it specifically about your birthday/what you want?

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serioussparkles − I had my eye on this beautiful, hella inexpensive moonstone and amethyst necklace. Just the way it was designed made me so happy, and I pointed it out every week to my bf at the time. Christmas came, my birthday went by, then valentines day was behind us, necklace was still at the shop, so I bought it myself.

AND HEAVENS TO BETSY DID THAT P**S MY BF OFF. Like there were 3 gift giving holidays past, he had no plans to get it, he just wanted to be an a**hole? He never told me. So glad he's not in my life anymore. NTA. Then I think he stole it, because it completely vanished off the face of the earth

5280gonesouth − NTA. He sounds jealous of you wanting another designers jewelry. It’s not a flattering look for him.

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[Reddit User] − Are you the same person who's husband was going to take you to Atlanta?

But do these Reddit sparkles reflect the full story, or are they just polishing the drama?

This jeweler’s tale glints with empowerment shadowed by spousal scorn. Her self-gift was a bold move, but was her husband’s sneer a deeper red flag? Love should celebrate, not belittle, personal joys. What would you do when a partner dismisses your heartfelt wish? Share your thoughts—have you ever self-gifted to reclaim your happiness?

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