My friend is about to ask his girlfriend to marry her and I’m the only one who knows how unfaithful she is. Do I say anything?

Jonathan Hours
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In a quaint college town, Aaron and Mary’s romance dazzled like a social media highlight reel, their love plastered in daily heart-emoji posts. But a loyal friend uncovered a secret that could unravel their seven-year fairy tale just as Aaron plans to propose, plunging them into a whirlwind of doubt and betrayal.

This friend, our narrator, grapples with a gut-wrenching choice: stay quiet and let Aaron’s dream proceed, or reveal Mary’s infidelity and risk their friendship? With Mary’s controlling grip tightening, this juicy dilemma promises drama and tough calls. Readers, get ready for a story that’ll spark debates!

‘My friend is about to ask his girlfriend to marry her and I’m the only one who knows how unfaithful she is. Do I say anything?’

Not sure if this belongs in this sub because it isn't my relationship I'm asking for advice about. If not, apologies. Tldr: my friend is about to ask his girlfriend of 6 years to marry him, and I'm the only one who knows the truth about how unfaithful she's been to him. He's completely blinded by love and to him she can do no wrong. I know it might not be my place to say anything but I don't want him to make a huge mistake.

So my good friend 'Aaron' and his girlfriend 'Mary' have been together for almost 7 years. They meet in college and are in a very close relationship. Personally I would call them extremely codependent. Neither of them really have any friends aside from each other. She doesn't let him have guy friends. In fact she doesn't let him do a lot of things.

He's not allowed to go out past 11, not allowed to drink or smoke, she has to approve of all of his friends, and he's not allowed to be alone with other girls. She's got this guy on a tight leash. The reason why they're still together is that Aaron is completely whipped, and to him she can do no wrong. He talks regularly about how amazed he still is that she finds him attractive.

(He's a decent looking guy, but she's like super model level good looking) They post cutesy couple photos every day (im pretty sure she makes him post them) and to everyone who sees them they appear to be the perfect magical fairytale couple. Anyway a few weeks ago he told my boyfriend and I that he was planning on proposing to Mary.

Of course we congratulated him because he seemed super excited. Now here’s the issue: a few weeks prior to this, I hung out with a friend of Mary- 'Alison'. Alison told me about a party they went to where Mary got drunk and slept with her ex. After the party they began hooking up regularly, and she had a threesome with him and a friend of his.

Aaron has no knowledge of these hookups. I told my boyfriend about it because he shares my friendship with both of them, and he believes that we need to say something but I'm not so sure how to even go about that. It will destroy him, ruin their entire relationship and maybe a friendship as well.

However I think in the long term he will be unhappy with a marriage where she's so controlling. Not even that, but if she's completely okay with cheating on her long term partner it will be the same once they're married.. Is telling him the right thing to do?

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Aaron’s impending proposal, shadowed by Mary’s infidelity and control, is a relational landmine. Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship expert, states, “Trust is built in very small moments, where partners choose honesty over deception” (Gottman Institute). Mary’s secret hookups betray that trust, leaving Aaron at risk of a heartbreaking commitment.

Mary’s rules—curfews, friend-vetting, and isolation—scream coercive control. Such behaviors often escalate in marriages, stifling personal freedom. Her actions aren’t just red flags; they’re flashing sirens demanding attention.

The OP’s dilemma is a tightrope walk. Gottman’s emphasis on honesty suggests that revealing Mary’s cheating, with evidence like Alison’s screenshots, empowers Aaron to decide his future. Silence might delay his pain but prolong a toxic trap.

To navigate this, the OP should share the truth calmly and support Aaron’s next steps. Suggesting counseling could help him process the betrayal and rebuild. This tale underscores how love can blind us to dealbreakers, urging friends to speak up with care.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s finest didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of advice and tough love. Here’s a peek at the community’s hot takes—brace for some real talk!

ngmDUCK − Tell him before it’s too late. He’s your friend

123lowkick − I'd wanna know.

pandaafetus − He might not take it very well, but I think you should tell him. He can do what he wants with the information, but as a friend you should absolutely tell him before he marries this chick.

Throwaway889930 − Your friend is not in a 'codependent' relationship, he's in an abusive one. No, seriously. We're often slower to call it out when it's men being abused. But switch the genders: if a girl friend of yours has a boyfriend who didn't let her stay out late, didn't let her drink and smoke, and didn't let her have friends that he doesn't 'vet', you probably wouldn't call that 'codependent'. You'd call that controlling and abusive

justLisfine − It’s absolutely your place as a friend he confided in to tell him. Don’t encourage him to end the relationship or anything other than telling him the truth because he needs to know and also “codependent” doesn’t begin to describe this relationship because it’s controlling to say the least. I hope you and he do the right thing, good luck

[Reddit User] − You go to him when he's calm. You say 'Hey buddy. I know you're getting ready to propose. Before you do here is some information you might want know. I'm only going to mention this once, and whatever you choose to do with it, I support.' Then you show him the things. After that, you never mention it again unless he brings it up.

wtfthecanuck − How could you be silent for so long and pretend to be his friend. I'm sure he would have liked to have known years ago, so he wouldn't have wasted years of his life.

yodawg47 − TELL HIM. He will find out one day and how would he feel if he finds out you knew all along. You have every right to speak up. She’s cheating on him, he deserves to know. Whether it ruins him or not

NotKenni − Yes, learning that his partner is unfaithful and deciding not to propose to her is better than proposing, then either getting rejected, or getting married and learning down the road that she is unfaithful

[Reddit User] − Yes

These Reddit gems are bold, but do they capture the full picture? Is the OP a hero for speaking up or a meddler in a messy love story?

Aaron’s fairy-tale romance turned into a cautionary tale, proving that love can sometimes blind us to painful truths. The OP’s courage to confront this mess shows that friendship often means making hard calls. But where do you stand? Would you risk a friendship to save someone from a toxic relationship, or stay out of it and let fate decide? Share your thoughts, experiences, or advice below—what would you do if you were in the OP’s shoes?

For those who want to read the sequel: [UPDATE] My friend is about to ask his girlfriend to marry him, but I’m the only one who knows how unfaithful she is. Do I say anything?

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