My family expects me to spend all of this money on my sister because she is married with a baby?

Jonathan Hours
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In many families, the act of sharing financial burdens can feel like a warm display of support. However, when the expectation to contribute becomes relentless, it can turn into a suffocating demand that hinders personal ambitions. This story sheds light on one woman’s struggle to balance her commitment to family with her own dreams of financial independence.

The narrative unfolds around a young woman caught between her familial duties and her urgent need to secure her own future. As her family continues to lean heavily on her support for extravagant expenses tied to her sister’s life milestones, the tension grows—forcing her to confront the challenge of honoring family bonds while safeguarding her personal financial goals.

‘My family expects me to spend all of this money on my sister because she is married with a baby?’

My sister recently had a baby, and my family expects me to spend an absurd amount of money on her. While she was pregnant, my mom would tell me to pay for my sister’s lunch whenever we ordered food together. Now that the baby is here, I’m the godmother (I’m Catholic), and my mom is saying I have to split an $800 crucifix with the godfather.

On top of that, she’s insisting I also buy the christening outfit. When I told her that’s a lot of money, she went and told my sister that I “don’t want to pay for the outfit.” Looking back at the past few years, the amount of money I’ve spent on my sister’s wedding, bachelorette, and other events has been a lot.

Everything has been so over the top, and I’m exhausted. Meanwhile, I’m trying to save for an apartment, but it feels like my financial goals don’t matter to them because I’m not married. It’s like they see my savings as disposable just because I don’t have a husband or a baby. I have my own life and priorities, too, and I’m tired of feeling like they don’t count.

I have been saving up for an apartment and I need to furnish the apartment which is also going to cost me a lot of money. My sister had a bridal shower and received a ton of gifts for when she moved out. Shes been having these 500 dollar photo shoots and bought a 2025 car. I just get frustrated with the amount of money that my family keeps expecting me to give, when I have my own life I need to save for.. AITAH for feeling this way.

Family obligations often blur the lines between genuine support and financial exploitation. In this case, the pressure to contribute is not only emotionally taxing but also compromises the OP’s ability to invest in her future. The situation forces a difficult balancing act—supporting a sibling while facing a mounting personal financial deficit. This common predicament calls for clear boundaries to maintain individual financial health.

Analyzing the OP’s predicament reveals that the family’s excessive spending demands stem from a long-standing cultural norm, where financial support is seen as an unconditional duty. The OP has been repeatedly asked to contribute to events and luxury expenses, regardless of her own plans for financial stability. This dynamic creates a space where her personal aspirations are sidelined in favor of family obligations, highlighting a significant conflict between duty and self-care.

Expanding beyond this individual case, the issue resonates with broader societal expectations that often pressure individuals to place family needs above their own. Recent discussions in financial wellness communities suggest that many young adults face similar situations.

According to various studies, nearly 40% of millennials report feeling obligated to provide financial support for family members even when it clashes with their personal savings goals. For further reading on establishing financial boundaries, reputable sources such as DaveRamsey.com offer insightful advice and resources.

Drawing upon widely respected financial guidance, expert Dave Ramsey once stated, “A budget is telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went.” This quote underscores the importance of proactive financial planning. In this context, the OP may benefit from setting firm financial limits and discussing openly with her family about her current priorities. Embracing such measures could provide the balance needed between familial obligations and personal independence, ensuring that her financial well-being is not compromised.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid, humorous, and refreshingly blunt. These popular opinions reflect a mixture of empathy, practical advice, and wry humor from those who have encountered similar family dynamics. Do these views resonate with your experience, or do you see things differently?

TemporaryPrate − NTA, you’ve already contributed a significant amount to your sister and It’s unfair for them to assume that just because you’re not married or have a child, your money is disposable. You need to set financial boundaries and say No. There is a different between helping out family and being used, financially, by your family.

Material_Cellist4133 − NTA. But stop spending money. When someone says something, respond with “how about you be Willy-nilly with your money? Stop trying to spend my money.”

ConfusedAt63 − NTA, It sounds like your mother is keeping your saving drained so you can’t move out. Does she have access to your funds, like can she see your balance? If she does you might want to open a new account at a different bank. You could give your sister some money “towards what she needs” and tell her and your mother that what you gave, is all you can give.

Then ask your mother, or both, if you are expected to give more than you have? And let that sink in for a minute. That is a very unchristian thing to do, ask someone to give more than they have or feel they can.

Aggravating_Meat4785 − $800 crucifix? For a baby? I would flat out refuse. Just tell your mom that it’s not financially feasible for you and you would appreciate her not trying to pressure you. And talk to your sister. Let her know that you’re so happy for her but you are not able to contribute financially.

Let her know you will support her in every other way but the money is just not doable anymore. They will likely balk and say you’re not being supportive or you’re cheap so r whatever. Who cares? Your sister is doing just fine. She can afford a christening outfit, and no baby needs that pricey of a crucifix. The person who picked that out should pay.

The tap is dry. No way should your money be treated as less important because you’re single, all the more reason you need your money you don’t have two incomes. If you have a good relationship with your mom you can be honest and just say I’m sorry I feel like you guys don’t prioritize my needs and my life. I have to look out for my goals and my sisters gifts are not a priority. If you want her to have something feel free to buy it for her.

Used-Meaning-1468 − I'd inform them that as Godmother your priority is the baby's future. So instead of giving money for material items you're actually saving money for the baby's college or something. That should get them off your back for 18 years 😂

ctomas1984 − NTA. I'm my niece's godmother and I bought her a sterling silver cross on Amazon for around $30. My sister waited until she was 7 to let her wear it to school. Broke the chain the first day.. FTK. And f**k your sister too. Put your foot down and save your money.

Free-Place-3930 − NTA. But YOU have to stop. No one can have a spine for you.

WishboneMoney3342 − Absolutely not! That is insane. Based on your post history, your mother and sister are master manipulators who are taking advantage of you. Your family knows you have money in the bank that you’ve been diligently saving to move out. You’re 29 years old. It’s time to buy that condo you’ve been saving for and start living your best life.

gastropod43 − NTA. They will stop when you stop paying.

Ok_Childhood_9774 − NTA. You can love your sister's child without spending a dime more than you want to. Your mother is also free to spend as much as she'd like of *her* money.

In wrapping up the narrative, the tension between family expectations and personal financial priorities remains a relatable challenge. The OP’s experience serves as a reminder of the importance of setting clear boundaries while maintaining familial ties. Balancing support with self-care can empower individuals to pursue their dreams without undue pressure. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep the conversation going!

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