My (F24) husband (M36) has a whole other wife and child. Where do I go from here?

Picture a young mother, her world lit up by a charming husband, only to crash when a Facebook message unveils his double life. At 24, she’s reeling from the gut-punch that her husband of four years, Jake, has another wife and two sons in his home country—a secret kept through their whirlwind romance and son’s birth. Readers, this Reddit tale of betrayal and shattered trust will leave you speechless.

Her idyllic marriage, filled with Jake’s sweet words, now feels like a cruel mirage. Photos of him with another family, confirmed by his tearful confession, have driven her to her mother’s house, torn between love and rage. His claim that she “wouldn’t mind” his other wife stings like salt in a wound. Can she move past this deception? Let’s dive into her story and Reddit’s fiery reactions.

‘My (F24) husband (M36) has a whole other wife and child. Where do I go from here?’

This is a long and complicated story, I'm sorry if some things are confusing/don't make sense I am a mess right now and trying to wrap my brain around everything also. I met my husband 'Jake' (fake name) about 4 years ago on tinder.

Jake comes from a different country to where I am from, but he was my type and when we started talking I was blown away by how charming and sweet he was. This version of Jake never went away, he has always been this amazingly charming and sweet person.

He's the type of person that when you've finished having a conversation with him you feel better about yourself. Just to give you some context. He and I fell in love quickly and got married fast also, he was very eager to start a family as it gave his citizenship in my country more legitimacy.

By our second anniversary, we were married and I was pregnant with our son. Jake still works in his home country, and so every few months he flies back and stays there with his mother (or so I thought) completes the work required and then flies back. The rest of the work he can do at home.

The last few years with Jake have genuinely been the most amazing years of my life and this is why the last week feels like such a fever dream. This is hard to explain but a person on Facebook messaged me last Tuesday claiming that Jake had been cheating on me and that they had proof.

I genuinely didn't believe this person and at first just ignored them, but then curiosity got the better of me and I messaged back and asked what proof they had. They proceeded to send me a large collection of photos of Jake with another woman and two boys.

I know these photos were relatively recent, as he died his hair blond for the barbie movie (at my request) and has kept it like that ever since. The person told me that the woman in the photo was his wife and the two boys were his sons. I obviously didn't want to believe it, I tried to find ways it was fake. Photoshop, AI, whatever I don't even know.

I think the person blocked me after that, as their account just comes up as 'Facebook user' now when I look at the chats. When I had got home I confronted Jake and he started crying and confessed that everything was true and that he had a WIFE and TWO SONS, who looked to be about 13 and 9 (but I could be wrong that's just my best guess), in his home country that HE WAS STILL MARRIED TO the woman.

I asked him how he could do this to me, how could he have lied to me for so long? I told him I was going to expose him to the other wife and he said not to bother because she already knows and 'supports him'. I left and have been staying with my mother ever since.

This has been the hardest week of my life and some days I genuinely haven't wanted to get out of bed. Jake has been texting me saying that he will break things off with the other wife completely if that's what I wanted and he texted me saying he 'thought I wouldn't mind' which genuinely made me sob into my pillow.

I have never felt so low. Part of me, stupidly I know, wants to take him back. The years I had with him were the best I have ever had but this betrayal is just... I don't even know how to explain the hurt I feel..

This betrayal cuts deeper than infidelity—it’s a web of lies involving bigamy and potential fraud. Jake’s charm masked a calculated deception, leaving his young wife shattered. Her urge to take him back clashes with the reality of his ongoing marriage. Let’s unpack this mess with expert insights.

Jake’s dual marriages suggest not just personal betrayal but legal wrongdoing. His claim that his other wife “supports” him hints at a possible immigration scheme, using marriage for citizenship. As Cornell Law explains, bigamy is illegal in most jurisdictions, and immigration fraud carries severe penalties. Her youth and trust made her a target, a point Jake likely exploited.

This ties to a broader issue: trust violations in relationships. A 2022 study from the Journal of Marriage and Family found 20% of marriages face major deceptions, often leading to divorce. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Trust is rebuilt through accountability, not excuses” (Gottman Institute). Jake’s flimsy “I thought you wouldn’t mind” fails this test.

She should consult a lawyer immediately to explore annulment, as her marriage may be legally void. Reporting potential immigration fraud to authorities, with evidence like photos and texts, is crucial. Therapy can help her process grief and rebuild self-worth. Leaning on family and friends, as Redditors advised, will anchor her.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit rolled in like a legal SWAT team, dishing out shock and straight talk. It’s like a courtroom drama where everyone’s rooting for justice with a side of shade. Here’s the raw scoop:

boopaloops-- − He chose you because you were young and naïve.. He was charming and sweet because he was conning you.. He had a plan the whole time. His wife is supporting him because he is bringing her and the kids over once he establishes residency.

EDIT: This is debatable, as some commenters have pointed out, but either way, operating strictly off of what has been presented here - if he has actually told his wife and that was her actual response, that is likely to be the agreement that was forged, whether or not he actually honors it..

He is a user and is still using you now because he believes he has control over you. Do not go back to this person. What you knew is not reality and he is counting on the illusion he created to be powerful enough for you to stay.

You know what you need to do. You're understandably in shock but please get your family and friends involved to support you - you did nothing wrong. Please consult a lawyer ASAP to see what your options are because like others have said, fraud has been committed.

NONE0FURBIZZ − Forget about the 'cheating'... if this is true, you've been used to commit FRAUD. You should be getting an attorney and reporting him ASAP. He committed fraud to get a VISA, and his wife back home is his partner on crime.

WildlifePolicyChick − You don't need relationship advice, you need legal advice.

cassowary32 − Get the marriage annulled. He can't legally be married to two people.. He thought you wouldn't mind a secret family?? What a p**cho.

ThrowRA07894 − Where do you go from here??? You go to your nearest lawyer

not_really_an_elf − Go talk to the police. Bigamy is a crime, and it sounds like he's used you in immigration fraud too.

One_Worldliness_6032 − Ma’am, he married you into what they call a “sham” marriage for green card purposes. To be honest, you legally are not married cause he is STILL married in another country. Divorce and move on. These are problems you DON’T want. Like I said divorce and move on.

BlueGalangal − You’re 24. Maybe live a little before you decide those were your best years.

Chaoticgood790 − The first clue was someone over 30 having their tinder set to find 20 year olds.

LongjumpingAgency245 − Is he using you to get a green card? If so, you need to contact an attorney immediately.

These Redditors slammed Jake’s con, urging legal action and emotional distance. Some saw his charm as a predator’s tactic, others flagged fraud red flags. But do their fiery calls capture her heart’s tug-of-war, or just fuel the outrage? One thing’s clear: this betrayal’s got tongues wagging.

This story exposes the devastation of a double life, leaving a young mother to pick up the pieces for herself and her son. Her strength in leaving, despite Jake’s pleas, marks a brave start, but legal and emotional battles loom. Have you faced a betrayal that rewrote your reality? How would you rebuild after such a lie? Share your stories and advice below—let’s keep this convo burning.

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