My ex’s (m31) new girlfriend (f23) is telling me I am causing problems in their relationship?

A flicker of confusion lit up her phone screen as the message popped in, shattering the calm of a post-New Year’s morning. A 30-year-old woman, happily engaged and minding her own business, found herself dragged into a bizarre drama by a stranger—her ex’s 23-year-old girlfriend. What began as a simple “Happy 2024” exchange with Vince, a long-ago high school flame, spiraled into accusations of meddling in a relationship she didn’t even know existed. The girlfriend’s plea to stop liking Vince’s Instagram posts painted the woman as a homewrecker, leaving her laughing, angry, and utterly baffled.

This tale of a jealous partner and a social media misunderstanding captures modern relationships tangled in digital footprints. With her fiancé urging her to block and move on, and her best friend suggesting a heads-up to Vince, the woman faced a dilemma: dive into the drama or slip away quietly. It’s a vivid reminder of how a single notification can turn a peaceful day upside down.

‘My ex’s (m31) new girlfriend (f23) is telling me I am causing problems in their relationship?’

So first off, I feel like this is absolutely insane and I'm unsure what to do. When I (f30) was 16, I met my first real boyfriend, Vince (m31), he was 17 at the time. We were together for a year and then broke up. While me and Vince definitely aren't friends, we are still friendly.

The extent of our interaction is yearly 'happy birthday' and 'happy new year' message, along with some small talk on that occasion. We follow each other on instagram and sometimes like each other's pics. This is it. Nothing more.

Anyway. When I was at a NYE party a few days ago I got a message from Vince saying: Heey, happy new year, I wish you all the best! To which I replied: Happy 2024, hope it treats you well! Fast forward to this morning.

I got a message on instagram from a girl I don't know and this it what it said: 'Hey OP, I am not sure you know me, but I am Vince's girlfriend. We've been together for a while now and we are very serious about each other. I see that you message him and like his pics. I would appreciate if you stop that.

We are going to get married and this sort of interactions are not appropriate anymore. I hope you understand that inserting yourself in our relationship causes turmoil and I cannot handle the stress and anxiety of it anymore, so I am kindly asking you to stop.'

I was floored. I actually just started laughing. But I also got angry. She's misrepresenting things in her message. I checked out her profile. She's 23. I was a bit surprised by the age gap but whatever floats their boat I guess. She has plently of pics of them together, so it's legit, she's his girlfriend.

Now, I'm not sure what to do here. I feel like this girl is imagining things. She's claiming me liking some of Vince's pics and wishing him happy birthday is causing turmoil in their relationship, she says I am inserting myself into their relationship. Me and Vince are not close at all. I didn't even know he is in a relationship.

I showed this to my fiancé and best friend. My fiancé advised I block them both and don't get involved in this drama. Which is definitely something I'm not opposed to. But my best friend told me I should maybe just send a screenshot of this to Vince. Because maybe he knows about it so it won't be a surprise to him.

But if he doesn't maybe he'd want to know his girlfriend is reaching out to his ex with some strange demands. So I don't know what to do here. I am absolutely not going to reply to her, but... should I let Vince know she messaged me or just let it be?

Update (sorry this is gonne be sort of long): So I sat on this for a day or so, considering what I should do. There have been many comments pointing out how strange, insane and bad it is I stayed in contact with an ex, saying I must still have a thing for him.

I honestly resent the implication, I see Vince much like a childhood friend, but some people were dead set on me being stuck on him. Which is not neccessairly bad - it just made me see lots of people see it this way, so his girlfriend might as well.

So I decided to remove myself from the situation completely, I don't want to be a bad guy and a 'homewrecker' in anyone's story. I blocked her on Instagram and blocked Vince as well. And I also blocked Vince on Facebook. And I thought that was it.

A week passed and I get ANOTHER message from this girl, this time on Facebook. I didn't block her there because I didn't even know her full name. This message was more hostile, now accusing me of not removing Vince from my LinkedIn connections as well.

And she felt that's how I'm still trying to 'keep track' of him. I almost never use LinkedIn and I completely forgot I even had him on there. I have never spoken to anyone on LinkedIn other than a recruiter. I don't know.

This made my anxiety go through the roof. I blocked her on Facebook and removed Vince from my LinkedIn connections. And this is it for now.. I hope she doesn't also check his MySpace account /s

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

This story of a misinterpreted “like” reveals how digital interactions can ignite real-world tensions. The woman’s minimal contact with Vince—yearly greetings and occasional Instagram likes—seems harmless, yet it triggered his girlfriend’s insecurity. The girlfriend’s reaction, escalating from a polite request to a hostile follow-up, suggests deeper issues, possibly rooted in the age gap or trust dynamics with Vince. The woman, blindsided, chose to block both to avoid further drama, a move that reflects self-preservation but leaves communication unresolved.

This scenario highlights a broader issue: navigating boundaries in the social media age. A 2023 study by Pew Research Center found that 34% of young adults feel anxious about their partner’s online interactions, often misinterpreting likes or comments as threats (https://www.pewresearch.org). The girlfriend’s focus on the woman’s actions may stem from insecurity rather than actual interference, amplified by social media’s visibility.

Psychologist Dr. John Gottman, an expert in relationship dynamics, notes, “Trust is built in very small moments, which I call ‘sliding door’ moments” (https://www.gottman.com). The girlfriend’s distress might reflect unmet needs for reassurance from Vince, redirected toward the woman as an external threat. Her controlling behavior—monitoring Vince’s LinkedIn connections—suggests a lack of trust that Vince must address internally.

For the woman, blocking both was a practical step to avoid entanglement, but sending Vince a neutral heads-up could have clarified intentions without fueling drama. Setting clear boundaries early, like unfollowing exes to prevent misperceptions, can help avoid such conflicts. Partners should openly discuss social media habits to build trust, fostering healthier dynamics in relationships.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit weighed in with a mix of sass and skepticism, serving up candid takes on this social media soap opera. Many advised the woman to avoid engaging with the girlfriend, suggesting she either block both parties or send Vince a screenshot to let him handle the situation.

Others found the girlfriend’s insecurity puzzling, pointing to her youth or possible trust issues with Vince as the root cause. Some saw the woman’s minimal contact as harmless, while a few questioned why she stayed connected with an ex at all. These Reddit opinions range from practical to snarky, reflecting the community’s knack for dissecting drama with humor and bluntness.

FloMoJoeBlow − Definitely do not engage with her. Take a screen shot and send it to Vince. Just keep it neutral, along the lines of, 'Hey, just wanted to share with you what Xxxx sent me.

I apologize if any interaction has been miscontrued as my inserting myself into your relationship. Best regards, OP.' Then let him handle. If he blocks you, so be it. If he doesn't block you, so be it.

Frequent-Team556 − wtf its been more than 10 years hahaha whats that girl doing??? why is she worried about an ex of ten years? does she have something else to occupy her mind with?. she´s clearly emotionally immature. she should talk to his bf not to you.

SheBeeMe − I'd block her and send it to him.. He's probably going to feel embarrassed, so be prepared for that.. Let him decide what to do with the information.

trilliumsummer − I'd screenshot the message and send it to him with a note of something like 'So I got sent this message. I know our relationship isn't inappropriate, but I'm also not one to invite drama in my life. If you still want to stay in contact, that's fine with me, but I'm going to leave the ball in your court on that.'

And I'd send it because I'm still friendly with him and this girl sounds off her rocker. Even if they are engaged, the way she's going about it is unhinged and well exactly one of the reasons why it's weird for someone in their 30s to date someone in their early 20s.

YellowstoneBitch − If I was Vince I would want to know if my emotionally insecure gf is sending messages to my female friends behind my back. That kind of behavior is controlling and manipulative and weird. I wouldn’t want to marry someone like this. You don’t owe Vince anything, but I’d block her and screen shot the message and send it to Vince, and let him deal with it.

Famous_Tap_3971 − I'd reply: 'lol'

ThomasEdmund84 − Reality is you have ZERO idea where this is coming from, Vince could be toxic and comparing her to you, or perhaps she's toxic and jealous.. Either way I feel getting involved is full of drama and uncertainty.

rembrandtismyhomeboy − Don’t meddle, block them both and go on with your life. There are only two reasons to send him a screenshot. The first is to warn him because he’s a good guy. BUT, you don’t know how this 31 year old man is acting with his 23 year old girlfriend.

My guess is he’s not perfect. The age gap and her insecurity are both signaling it’s *that* kind of relationship. The second one is if you’re secretly flattered, like drama and want to stir some s**t up by being petty. Idk if that’s you, but it wouldn’t be me, I like my peace and respect my current fiancé too much.

[Reddit User] − Just let that child throw a tantrum. A 30 year old doesn’t need to scrap with children.

peakpenguins − She sounds like a looney. I'd let Vince know about the message you got so he can handle it within his relationship and I'd just ignore her. If you want to block them both, that's fine too of course.

This tale of Instagram likes and misplaced jealousy underscores the fine line between friendly gestures and perceived threats in today’s hyper-connected world. The woman’s choice to block and move on feels like a clean exit, but it leaves lingering questions about addressing misunderstandings head-on.

It’s a reminder that even the smallest digital footprint can spark unexpected drama. Share your thoughts and experiences—how do you navigate exes and social media in your own life?

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