My dad abandoned me but now he wants me to help his new family out?

Imagine a young woman, barely 19, icing a cake in her cozy kitchen, her small dessert business humming along. Then, her phone buzzes with a call from her long-absent dad, demanding a three-tiered masterpiece for his stepdaughter’s birthday—free of charge, naturally. For this Reddit poster, the audacity of her father’s request, after years of neglect, sparked a fiery confrontation that left her family in a tizzy. Was she wrong to shut him down and cut ties with her grandma, or is she just guarding her heart?

This story is a bittersweet mix of hurt, resilience, and family fallout. With a dad who played “superhero” every five years and a grandma denying his failures, the poster’s refusal to bake a cake for a stranger’s kid stirred up old wounds. Let’s whip up this tale and see what rises to the surface.

‘My dad abandoned me but now he wants me to help his new family out?’

I (19)F never had my dad (39)M in my life. He would pop up once every 5 years and act like super dad. He lied to my cousins mom telling her he payed for my prom ( I didn’t even go to my prom ) and he payed my senior dues ect.

My dad doesn’t know anything about me or what I’m interested in. When u was around 16 my grandmother told me my dad had a new girlfriend and he wants me to meet her kids. I laughed at her and refused because I’m tired or being disappointed and hurt over someone who clearly doesn’t want me.

My brother (18)M thinks I should reconsider ( his mom and our dad both raised him ) I told him our dad was actually a father to him but not me and I’m not about to be around his 3 “ daughters “ when he didn’t even raise his first child

My dad called me from my grandmas phone one day panicking because his daughters birthday cake got ruined. I have a small business where I sell dessert and other things like that. He wanted me to bake a 3 tired cake with floral designs and her favorite chocolates on the top.

I laughed at him and asked him why would I do that. His exact words were “ your make cakes for strangers but you can’t help your sister out “ I told him she’s not even my sister and to not talk to be again because I finally got to a place where I shut off all emotion and I don’t care anymore.

I told him he made me this way and I can’t let anyone in because of him. My brother called me asking me what happened because Anna my supposed sister called him crying. I told him what I said and he told me our dad lied and extended what I said.

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I’m not cruel nor do I have a problems with his “ kids “ but they aren’t family and I’m not doing favors for anyone who I don’t care for. My grandma called me saying I’m an a**hole and I finally snapped I let out years of hurt and disappointment in a gc with her my dad and brother.

She said nothing I was saying was true and my dad was a great dad. My brother spoke up for me and said he wasn’t going to talk to her anymore because she’s delusional and talked to me bad. My brothers girlfriend called me snapping on me saying I ruined her family and I’m trying to mess up my brothers and grandmas bond.

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My brother still loves our grandma he just doesn’t like how she’s acting towards me because of her own sons actions. Me and my brother went out and we had a long talk about how we both feel and I really opened up about our dad and he fully understood. We never talked about my dad and he thought he was around more and apologized.

My dad expected me to make the cake for free and decorate it how she wants, watch her little sister (7) while making the cake so Anna and her mom can get their nails done and I would be coming to the party and still getting her a gift on top of the free cake.

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I don’t know what delusion they live in and I felt like I wasn’t wrong but everyone is calling me making it seem like I’m an a**hole. The only one who isn’t making a big fuss about it is aaliyah (19)F Anna’s older sister.

I love my brother and will always talk to him but am I wrong for cutting off my grandmother and not doing an unpaid favor for my dads stepdaughter I need opinions from strangers and not people who actually know me?. 

This Reddit drama cuts deep, like a knife through a poorly baked cake. The poster’s refusal to play happy family with her dad’s new crew is a bold stand against years of abandonment. His expectation that she’d bake a lavish cake, babysit, and play sister—without ever being a father— reeks of entitlement. Her explosive group chat outburst was a release of pent-up pain, understandable but messy.

Parental absence leaves lasting scars. Dr. Susan Forward, a therapist and author, writes, “Children of absent parents often struggle with trust and self-worth, especially when asked to meet unreasonable demands” (source: Toxic Parents). A 2023 study in the Journal of Family Issues found that 67% of adults with absent parents report difficulty forming familial bonds, often setting firm boundaries to protect their mental health. The poster’s rejection of her dad’s request—and her grandma’s denial— aligns with this, prioritizing her well-being over forced family ties.

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The brother’s support is a bright spot, showing how shared experiences can bridge gaps, but the grandma’s defense of her “great dad” and the brother’s girlfriend’s meddling add fuel to the fire. Forward suggests therapy to process abandonment trauma, recommending the poster clearly communicate her boundaries—perhaps a letter stating her stance—to avoid further drama. For readers, it’s a reminder: family isn’t owed favors when trust is broken.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit served up a batch of fiery takes, like a tray of perfectly piped cupcakes. From cheering the poster’s backbone to dunking on her dad’s nerve, the community’s got her back with a side of sass. Here’s the sweet-and-salty scoop—dig in with a fork.

Loud-Engineer-4348 − You were more than justified in your actions. Rest easy.

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LYSI85 − How about blocking their numbers? Just get rid of them.

Far-Cup9063 − Don't let any of them gaslight you. You know EXACTLY what you lived through and how you were treated. There are 4 kids in our family. Our Dad did everything for the oldest, and pretty much ignored/s**t on the rest of us.

After Dad died, the oldest wanted to talk about Dad and how he was the greatest, etc., etc. The rest of us finally told her what our experiences were and she was in shock. It's hard to imagine that she never saw the huge difference between how she was treated and how we were treated.

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But she didn't. She knows now but it blew her away. Your younger brother just doesn't see it. But you know what happened and you have set your boundaries accordingly. Keep your convictions.

mdthomas − You don't know these people. If he wants a cake made in a hurry, he can pay for it with a premium just like anyone else would.. NTA

CreedTheDawg − Your grandmother raised a deadbeat and now wants you to serve the man who abandoned you. You should go NC with your Dad since your entire relationship seems him using you. He did nothing for you, so he doesn't get to be offended when you refuse to do his bidding. I'm sorry your Dad and grandmother are narcissists.

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LtColShinySides − NTA Your brother's gf needs to sit the f**k down and mind her own business. You were 100% justified to speak and act in the ways you did.

Right_Bee_9809 − NTA You are way over-engaging with horrible people. When your father calls and asks for something, just say, 'I'm so sorry, I'm busy'. Don't give him the gift of all this drama.

seidinove − NTA. The brazenness of parents who basically abandoned their kids and expect to pick things up as if nothing happened never ceases to amaze me. Plus your father lies repeatedly to paint himself in a better light.. “You make cake for strangers but you can’t help your sister out.”. Yeah, but those strangers pay me and treat me better than you ever have.

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SweetieLoveBug − You are a hero. No kidding, you did what 99% of people wish they could do but don’t have the guts to put out there. You’ve been abused and no longer have to please anyone but yourself. Your past is no longer an option for you. Your future is yours alone. Don’t ever let anyone manipulate you for their own benefit.. Ever.. Best of everything to you! 💜

Poku115 − Even without all the context NTA. He wants a cake, he has to pay for it, ridiculous that he expects a cake for free on top of a gift, add onto that he hasn't done a single thing for you in life, not even the bare legal minimum, and you are super NTA (in fact I'd encourage you to retaliate some way and you'd still be NTA)

These Reddit morsels toss a cheeky question into the mix: is the poster a hero for standing her ground, or did her outburst stir the pot too much? The consensus leans toward her, but real life’s stickier—sometimes cutting ties is the cleanest cut.

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This cake saga is a raw recipe of hurt and empowerment. The poster’s refusal to bake for her dad’s “new family” is a stand for her own worth, but the family fallout shows how old wounds bleed. Should she keep her dad and grandma at arm’s length, or is there room for reconciliation? Drop your thoughts in the comments—what would you do when an absent parent demands a favor?

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