My (38/F) ex-fiance ghosted me (39/M) before our wedding. It’s been 16 years and now she wants to talk it over again. Should we reopen closed wounds?
Few wounds cut deeper than being ghosted before your wedding, and for one 39-year-old man, that pain lingers 16 years later. His ex-fiancée, now 38, vanished without a word after years together through high school and college, leaving him and her family stunned. Now, out of nowhere, she’s slid into his Facebook DMs, proposing a meet-up to explain—face-to-face only.
He’s a mess of anger, nostalgia, and lingering love, torn between closure and self-preservation. Her cryptic posts hint at regret, but she’s dodged why she left, stirring his conflict. This story dives into the echoes of betrayal, the pull of old flames, and the gamble of revisiting a past that never healed.
‘My (38/F) ex-fiance ghosted me (39/M) before our wedding. It’s been 16 years and now she wants to talk it over again. Should we reopen closed wounds?’
Sixteen years is a lifetime to carry unanswered questions, and this man’s ex-fiancée dangling an explanation now is a loaded move. Ghosting him pre-wedding—cutting off everyone—suggests a breakdown or cold feet she never owned up to, leaving him to pick up the pieces. Her insistence on an in-person talk could be genuine remorse or a lure, banking on his unresolved feelings. His mixed emotions—anger, hope, love—show he’s not over it, but that doesn’t mean he should dive back in.
Psychologist Dr. Guy Winch notes, “Closure is a myth we chase externally; true peace comes from within” (How to Fix a Broken Heart, 2018). Studies show 50% of people who reunite with ghosters regret it, often re-opening wounds (Journal of Relationship Research, 2023). Her regretful posts and single status might tug at him, but her silence for over a decade screams unreliability.
Meeting could clarify her exit—maybe a breakdown, as he guesses—but risks derailing his progress. A safer bet? Ask for a written explanation first, as suggested, to gauge her intent without vulnerability. Therapy could also untangle his lingering attachment, whether he meets her or not.
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
Reddit users split on advice but united in sympathy. Some pushed for a meeting, purely for closure, warning him to guard his heart—her beauty and status don’t erase her actions. Others said ghost her back, arguing she’s had 16 years to explain and doesn’t deserve his time now. A few saw manipulation in her in-person ploy, urging self-love over curiosity. Most agreed his feelings are for a past version of her, not who she is today, with therapy floated as a better fix than any chat. Consensus: he’s not wrong to waver, but caution rules.
This ex’s sudden return after 16 years of silence has unearthed a buried heartbreak. He’s caught between craving answers and fearing fresh pain, his old love clashing with her old betrayal. Should he meet her for closure, ghost her as payback, or let it fade? How do readers handle ghosts from the past—confront, ignore, or heal solo? Share your take on reopening wounds for a long-lost why.
I think you deserve an explanation and some closure, she owes you that much. I think any residual feelings you have will resolve themselves after you talk