My (37f) husband (36m), put martial arts training ahead of helping me get emergency medical treatment and I’m not sure how to react?

Jonathan Hours
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The kitchen was a blur of sizzling pans and toddler giggles when a sharp ache gripped her hand, a bulging hematoma swelling under her skin. At 22 weeks pregnant, this 37-year-old mom needed urgent care, but her husband’s response was a gut-punch: he’d rather hit the dojo than help. Brushing off her plea to watch their kids, he left for martial arts training, promising takeaways like it solved everything. Alone, she cooked, cared for their baby, and wrestled with hurt as her condition worsened.

This Reddit tale isn’t just about a missed doctor’s visit; it’s a raw snapshot of a marriage where one partner’s needs eclipse the other’s crisis. When a husband puts his workout over his pregnant wife’s health, what’s left of trust? Let’s unpack her story and wrestle with the fallout.

‘My (37f) husband (36m), put martial arts training ahead of helping me get emergency medical treatment and I’m not sure how to react?’

As the title says.... And I'm not sure how to feel about it, or react to it. I had a sudden unexplained hematoma appear in my hand and wrist. It's bulging and sore causing my whole arm to ache. Probably about 5 inches by 5 inches and sticking out an inch. I'm also 22 weeks pregnant and on aspirin. He came home from work within 20 minutes of this happening,

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I showed him and he agreed that it was alarming and I needed to see a doctor urgently. We have a 1 year old together and I have children from a previous relationship (as does he, he's step dad, I'm step mum). I said could he watch the kids.... He asked if my mother could as he had training. My mother had work.

I just left it and began cooking dinner totally shocked. He got changed into his training gear and came back to the kitchen. I said to him, I'm going to struggle to make dinner with my one hand. He said 'i'll pick up takeaways after training'. I said since he was going to training If have to cook for the kids as it's their bedtime soon.

He ignored me... And proceeded to tell me that he is tense from work might need to get in with a massage therapist. After he left I rang him to call him out on this .... He said he would come home if it was that bad, he said he'd get takeaways, but he needs to go to training for his mental health.

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So he went.... I cooked and took care of the baby and children, he's come home eaten showered and is in bed. Eventually Asked how my hand is, showed him it's 3x bigger than when he left. He said to go to the emergency room.

I don't want to now I'm so tired I feel like I'm not worth it anyway, and while I'm there I'll just be worried about the baby and he won't help to alleviate it. I felt it was really cold he went to training instead of watching the kids while I sought treatment, but I'm not sure if I'm overreacting?

A medical emergency should rally a partner, not send them to the gym. This pregnant woman’s hematoma demanded immediate attention, yet her husband chose martial arts training, dismissing her plea to watch their kids. His focus on his “mental health” and casual mention of a massage therapist over her worsening condition reveals a troubling disconnect. Cooking one-handed for their children while in pain, she was left to question her worth in his eyes.

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Neglect in relationships can be as damaging as overt conflict. A 2022 study by the American Psychological Association found that 48% of couples cite lack of support during crises as a key factor in marital dissatisfaction (soucre). His behavior—ignoring her pain, prioritizing his routine, and offering takeaways as a fix—signals a lack of emotional partnership. Dr. Sue Johnson, a leading couples therapist, notes, “When a partner fails to respond in a moment of vulnerability, it shatters the sense of safety in a relationship” (soucre). His afterthought inquiry about her hand, hours later, only deepens the wound.

This reflects broader issues of gendered expectations in parenting and caregiving. Pregnant women often face heightened physical and emotional demands, yet he left her to manage alone, treating their children as her sole responsibility. Reddit’s speculation about infidelity, while unconfirmed, underscores how his actions erode trust. His self-absorption mirrors what experts call “emotional abandonment,” where one partner’s needs consistently overshadow the other’s.

Advice: She must prioritize her health, seeking medical care immediately, as Redditors urged. A calm but firm conversation, perhaps with a therapist, could clarify his priorities and set boundaries. If he deflects, individual counseling can help her rebuild self-worth and evaluate the marriage. Consulting a lawyer quietly may prepare her for future steps, especially with a new baby on the way.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit erupted with indignation, one user snapping, “A stranger would’ve cared more!” Here’s the community’s take:

WhimsicalError − You still haven't gone to the emergency room?!. **GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM**. Deal with this fuckery later. You need a medical professional.. My friend had three DVT and two SVTs during pregnancy, they looked like what you describe.. Again:. # GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM. **ETA:** OP has gone to the emergency room.

speadbrite − Is this the same husband that’s saying insulting things about your appearance while flirting with other women? I would inform, not ask, him that he is watching the children and you are seeking medical attention then grab your bag and walk out the door.

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tossout7878 − A random stranger would treat you better than this, FYI

Previous_Original_30 − 'He ignored me... And proceeded to tell me that he is tense from work might need to get in with a massage therapist.' 'He said he would come home if it was that bad, he said he'd get takeaways, but he needs to go to training for his mental health. So he went.... ' This is unbelievable.

All I read here is you having a medical emergency and him going 'me me me' and not seeing the kids as his responsibility or your wellbeing as a priority. He is an absolute selfish jerk, and this is a deal-breaker. You think it's bad now? Wait until the baby arrives and you're doing everything alone because he needs to go work out for his mental health... I think life would be a lot easier without him and just your own kids to worry about.

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RuggedHangnail − You are not overreacting. You are under reacting.. To your children and step children, you are more important than the whole world. They rely on you.. Go to the emergency room ASAP.. Then, kick this loser out permanently. He is making your life harder and dangerous. After this baby is born, go on birth control and don't have more kids with any jerks so that you can find time for yourself and the kids that you do have.

LadyWiezeI − The fact you are not sure if you are overreacting is very alarming. Your husband showed zero care for you and your wellbeing and put himself and his desires first in an emergency situation. This is who he is. Someone who does not value you very much as a person.

Problem is, you seem to not really value yourself also. You need to work on that because you deserve better. Please seek help - for your hand first and foremost and then for your own mental health - which should at least be equally important as his. Again you deserve better.

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floridaeng − OP the next time you talk to him please ask him 'why should I stay with you when you obviously don't care if I live or die? People have divorced for less than this, why should I stay?' He put his mental health over the physical health of his wife and baby. Time to at least talk to a divorce lawyer and find out how the laws where you live would affect a divorce, custody, etc.

Male sure the lawyer knows about this. I'm also wondering if he may be having an affair and the training and massage was actually him meeting his AP. Where was he planning to get a massage at night after his 'training'? Do you know why his previous marriage failed? Did he cheat on his first wife?

ShotAssignment7968 − He's not training. He's meeting someone, someone he cares about more than you.

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ex-carney − I'm of the opinion that he's having an affair. Don't know if the training is the cover story or if AP is in his class. But, his total disregard for you means he's thinking with his little head.. Just my opinion.

WolfWrites89 − And proceeded to tell me that he is tense from work might need to get in with a massage therapist. Was he even at training because honestly this sounds like code for an affair. Glad you finally got to the ER. He sounds extremely self absorbed.

These hot takes are fierce, but do they capture the full story? Is he selfish, cheating, or just clueless?

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This woman’s ordeal—cooking through pain while her husband trained—lays bare a marriage where care feels one-sided. His choice to prioritize a workout over her medical crisis isn’t just cold; it’s a wake-up call about his commitment. As she grapples with her health and heartbreak, her story begs the question: can trust survive such neglect? What would you do if your partner left you in a crisis? Drop your thoughts below and keep the conversation going.

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