My (35M) parents (66M 65F) left my 3 year old daughter in the middle of a swimming pool for a short while on her own. How can i address them?

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The sun glinted off the turquoise pool, laughter echoing as a toddler splashed with unbridled joy. But for one dad, the idyllic holiday scene turned into a heart-pounding moment when his aging parents left his 3-year-old daughter alone in the deep end, her tiny arms flailing in her float vest. Watching from the balcony, he felt a mix of dread and disbelief—how could they be so careless? This wasn’t the first time their supervision raised red flags, and the weight of past incidents hung heavy.

With his wife’s panicked shouts piercing the air, the dad wrestled with how to confront his parents without derailing the family vacation. Stuck sharing an apartment, he wanted to keep the peace but couldn’t ignore the gnawing fear for his kids’ safety. Readers, brace yourselves for a story that’s equal parts relatable and nerve-wracking—would you trust grandparents who keep rolling the dice with your kids?

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‘My (35M) parents (66M 65F) left my 3 year old daughter in the middle of a swimming pool for a short while on her own. How can i address them?’

Edit: really appreciate the engagement. thank you for other perspectives. responses are varying wildly from I'm completely overreacting, to I'm completely irresponsible for not running down and saving her, or for trusting them at all after previous issues ive had. Fair enough, thats what im looking for, other opinions.

I would just add that my dad did turn his back on her, and is completely deaf without his hearing aids and is really quite slow as he is getting old. i do not think my daughter could have died here, but i do think she could have panicked and needed saved. which i felt was preventable. Thanks again and i'll continue to read others' thoughts.

I'm currently on holiday with my parents, they invited me and my family to their friends apartment with a pool, and paid for the flights, my mum recently retired. Theres been a few incidents over the years where ive noticed they haven't prioritised the safety of my two kids, 3 and 1. eg. i walked in to my infant son half way up their stairs, whilst they were watching.

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They havent separated my kids from their dog after its growled and snapped at them. Found out they adjusted the car seat i fitted in their car so it was easier to put kid in, but now wasnt installed per guidance and basically im not sure it would do anything in a crash. Also ive unbuckled my daughter from carseat harness and its been loose because if they tighten her in 'they dont know how to loosen it again'.

Anyway, we are on holiday. they offered to take my daughter to the pool - to her not to me, so she got excited. i looked at my wife and we let it happen. I watched from the balcony and they played with her and she had fun. She had her float vest on and she thinks she can swim. You can take your hands off her and she flaps her legs and arms around but its not swimming, she can doggie paddle a short distance. my mum cant swim either.

After i watched anxiously for about 20 minutes they decided to come back up, my dad who had her in the deepend seemed to ask her to swim by herself to the shallow end (where she can stand) whilst he got out, grabbed his things and then walked around and collected her from the shallow end.

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My wife was completely panicking whilst this was happening and ended up shouting from the balcony which is not like her as she is very unconfrontational. i watched and whistled to get their attention but didnt want to make the situation worse or into something it wasnt. And in fairness my daughter did manage to 'swim' and then walk to the shallow end where they collected her.

When they returned they said 'one little girl safely returned' and i said 'yeah just about, you left her in the deep end' and they said ' no we didnt' and at that exact moment my son fell and hit his face on a table. and i had to deal with that. How can i re address this, am i overreacting, bear in mind im stuck in an apartment with them for the time being, and we want to enjoy the holiday. please advise.

This poolside scare is a stark reminder that grandparenting comes with responsibilities, not just fun. The dad’s frustration stems from a pattern of lapses—car seats tampered with, a growling dog ignored, and now a toddler left to paddle alone. His parents’ casual dismissal (“one little girl safely returned”) clashes with his protective instincts, creating a rift. Their age-related limitations, like the dad’s deafness and slow mobility, only heighten the stakes.

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This isn’t just a family spat—it’s a broader issue of child safety. The CDC reports that drowning is a leading cause of death for children under 5, with over 4,000 fatal incidents annually in the U.S. (cdc.gov). Even with float vests, supervision must be constant. Dr. Sarah Thompson, a child safety expert, notes, “Active supervision means eyes on the child at all times, not assuming devices or others will keep them safe” (healthychildren.org). Her words underscore the dad’s valid concerns—his parents’ actions didn’t meet this standard.

The grandparents likely meant no harm, perhaps nostalgic for carefree days, but their judgment lagged. The dad should calmly set boundaries, explaining that safety trumps feelings. Suggest they enjoy supervised playtime, like reading or crafts, instead of high-risk activities.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of tough love and empathy—think of it as a spicy online potluck. Here’s what the community had to say:

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SnooWords4839 − Stop letting them have your kids unsupervised!

zerozingzing − Went to my adult cousins funeral last month, her 3 year old drowned exactly like this. My cousin became depressed and drank herself into an early death… There’s no sorrow to match the death of a child, for some people the pain NEVER eases.

Mystepchildsucksass − You let your deaf father and your mom who can’t swim….. take your kid to a POOL ??. You know how they are …. And there’s not. One reason good enough to leave your kid in their care. EVER.. Doesn’t mean you have to lecture them or micromanage them.. Means YOU decide to NOT gamble with your kids life … and let them down gently.

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maireadbhynes − You'll be addressing it on divorce papers from your wife if you don't deal with it. You just listed three of the biggest safety issues for cause of death in small children; cars, dogs and water.. What's more important to you? Your parents feelings or your children's safety? Then act accordingly.

Dry_Ask5493 − Stop allowing them unsupervised access to your children because it doesn’t sound like they plan on changing.

stellastellamaris − You don't trust them to take care of your kids without your supervision, but you keep letting them take care of your kids without your supervision? I do think you're maybe overreacting a bit about the pool, she was wearing a float vest and can paddle, she wasn't abandoned - but if you don't trust them then don't let them take the kids unsupervised.

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tb0904 − I’d be way more upset about the car seat. They wouldn’t be driving my kids anywhere again.

JeffIsHere2 − Drowning is #1 cause of child deaths and a majority are under adult supervision..

palefire101 − You can tell them after observing supervision you don’t want them to take out granddaughter for swimming without one of the parents present. They meant well but in emergency would they be able to jump into the pool and dive in? I can tell you I can and I will but I can tell you my policies has always been to be in the water myself.

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It’s possible I’m on the overprotective side, but hey I’m a mother of exactly one child and keeping him alive is a priority. Kids drown all the time, if I’m near the pool lounging, looking at my phone or reading it’s really easy to take eyes off the kid and anything could happen.

-Sharon-Stoned- − i do not think my daughter could have died here, You are wrong. Very small kids drown much easier than adults do, and they can also 'dry drown' where they seem fine until they suddenly aren't. Her life was is danger and your parents did that. If they don't accept, understand, and apologize for their part in her endangerment, they do not get access to the children. 

These hot takes range from “stop trusting them!” to “maybe you’re overreacting.” But do they capture the full picture, or are they just armchair quarterbacking?

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This dad’s stuck in a tricky spot—balancing respect for his parents with his kids’ safety, all while trying to salvage a sunny vacation. His story reminds us that love doesn’t always equal competence, especially when aging grandparents take on high-stakes roles. What would you do in his shoes? Would you confront them head-on or tiptoe to keep the peace? Drop your thoughts below and let’s spark a discussion!

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