My 34F husband 32M of 9 years said I’m too loose for him to finish. What do I do?

Imagine a quiet bedroom, the glow of intimacy fading, only for a husband’s cutting words to slice through the moment like a cold knife. For a 34-year-old mother of two, her nine-year marriage took a brutal hit when her husband blamed his sexual struggles on her body, claiming she’s “too loose.” Readers, this Reddit confession is a raw, aching glimpse into a wound that’s more than skin-deep.

Her pain isn’t just about the insult—it’s the erosion of connection, the absence of compliments, and his neglect of hygiene, all while they navigate therapy. As a business owner and devoted mom, she’s juggling enough without this blow to her self-worth. With their anniversary looming, she’s wrestling with repulsion and doubt. Can they rebuild, or is this the breaking point? Let’s unpack her story and Reddit’s fiery takes.

‘My 34F husband 32M of 9 years said I’m too loose for him to finish. What do I do?’

My 34/F husband 32/M and I have been married for nine years. Last night he told me he can't finish because I'm too loose. We have two kids under seven together both born via c-section so they haven't changed me down there.

My husband has struggled to cross the finish line for reasons. No stress, we can adapt and work through this, change things around. Although our intimate time had turned into an endurance race, he finally made it to the finish line.

Last night he didn't get there. He then proceeded to look at me and say 'you need start doing your keegal exercises again'. I glared at him, trying to process what he just said to me. After nine years, he comes out with that. It really hurt and really gave me the ick, not just towards him but I have the ick for me too.

I know communication is important and there's no easy way to bring this up but I can't help but feel repulsed within myself. He never compliments me and there's not much of a connection between us, albeit we're working through it in therapy.

I'm not the most pretty and fit person but I know I'm not unattractive or overweight either and take care of myself the best I can between running a business which brings in the most income and being a mum.

He works too and does his fair share but does not take care or pride of his appearance or hygiene at all.I don't know if I can get over this. He hasn't said a thing to me all day and he knows how upset it made me.. Has anyone worked through such repulsion? Our anniversary is in a couple of days 😭. 

This husband’s tactless remark isn’t just a bedroom blunder—it’s a grenade lobbed at his wife’s self-esteem. Her hurt, compounded by his silence and their shaky connection, signals a marriage on thin ice. Let’s dive in with expert insights.

His comment, framing her body as the issue, deflects from his own struggles, possibly tied to erectile dysfunction or excessive masturbation habits, as Redditors speculated. Her c-section deliveries debunk his “loose” claim, making it a cruel projection. As WebMD notes, pelvic exercises like Kegels benefit all women, but his delivery was shaming, not supportive.

This ties to a broader issue: body shaming in relationships. A 2023 study from the Journal of Sex Research found 25% of women face partner criticism about their bodies, often harming intimacy. Dr. Laura Berman, a sex therapist, says, “Respectful communication about sexual challenges builds trust; blame destroys it” (Oprah Daily). His silence post-comment shows disregard.

She should raise this in therapy, using Reddit’s suggested script to express her pain clearly. Addressing his hygiene and their emotional disconnect is crucial. If he won’t engage, individual therapy can help her rebuild confidence. Exploring medical causes for his issues, like a urologist visit, could shift the focus.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit stormed in like a squad of protective friends, armed with outrage and sharp quips. It’s like a bar debate where everyone’s got her back and a few choice words for him. Here’s the raw buzz:

j-allen-heineken − Maybe he’s just used to jacking it with a death grip on his d**k and that’s why he can’t get off normally now

YogurtclosetDry1413 − Sounds to me like he has some ED issues and is taking it out on you. Orrr a porn problem and a masturbation death grip. Either way, f**k that. The way he spoke to you is so disrespectful and I may be rethinking my entire marriage after that comment.

Ok-Rip6169 − So you don't really have much intimacy or connection between you.. He doesn't compliment or show love and affection.. He struggles to finish, which you've shown understanding about.. And then when he doesn't finish, he tells you that you're the problem. it's because of you.

See how he just projected onto you? He probably feels emasculated and self conscious that he can't finish. So instead of owning that, he made YOU feel bad. Because now it's your problem. And he can feel better.

What did he think he was achieving saying that, the way he did? It wasn't constructive or helpful. How is hurtful criticism motivating? Maybe he doesn't care that it hurt you.. I'd straight up confront him on it in therapy.

'my husband and I were having s**, and he couldn't finish. So right when we were both in a vulnerable space and trying to be intimate, he made XYZ comment. When I asked for clarification, he held my wrist and loosened it and said 'like that'.

This was really hurtful and has made me feel very self conscious of my body and bad about myself. It also made me feel turned off by my husband and having s** with him in future'.. Good luck with your insensitive husband.

Competitive_Mix3627 − Tell him he's to small and he should work on his girth

TheNewCarIsRed − This is a him problem, not a you problem, but he’s clearly deflecting and you’re taking it on board. Please don’t. His comment is gross. I think you need to let him know how you feel and talk about what’s going on and how you can work it out together. However, I feel like that’s not going to be an easy conversation with him. God forbid he has to question his manhood. He needs to get over that and stop blaming you. You deserve better.

Complex-Foundation83 − Wow! What a jerk. I’m sure he’s mad because he can’t finish and just blamed it on you rather than taking responsibility that the issue might be his.

ThrowRA_chickenmum − When I asked him what he meant, he grabbed my wrist, loosened his grip and said it feels like this. Just a visual on how it went down

LakiPingvin − Tell the smelly unwashed fucker his wee wee shrunk. The audacity.

mesact − 'Have you ever considered maybe you're just too small?'

Millie_3511 − As someone who HAS given birth vaginally, I just want to point out that that factor doesn’t make this ok or not ok to say to a person… anymore then it’s not ok for a woman to just suggest a man change his size. The body ages, but is actually quite resilient after birth. All women can benefit from vaginal exercises but they don’t owe them to anyone.

The bottom line is that your marriage has deeper problems and/or your husband is going through something physically or emotionally and it came out in an ugly way. You either are going to try to love him through it and understand what is going on, or let a fast and rude insult give you the green light to cut and run

These Redditors ripped into his cruelty, spotting deflection and deeper flaws. Some urged therapy confrontation, others a full marriage rethink. But do their spicy takes capture her emotional tangle, or just fan the flames? This story’s got hearts racing and tongues wagging.

This tale lays bare the devastation of a partner’s careless words, turning intimacy into insecurity. Her strength in facing this hurt, despite a looming anniversary, is raw courage, but the path—therapy, confrontation, or leaving—feels daunting. Have you ever weathered a partner’s body-shaming blow? How would you rebuild trust or move on? Share your stories and wisdom below—let’s keep this convo as real as her pain.

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *