My (34F) boyfriend (36M) picked up another girl in front of me and thinks I am over reacting!

A cozy Friday date night—pizza, board games, and laughs at a local bar—takes a bitter turn for a 34-year-old woman. Her 36-year-old boyfriend, tipsy and overly friendly, bonds with a drunk stranger over shared birthdays, trading hugs and phone numbers as if she’s invisible.

The final sting comes when he admits the woman kissed him. His childish antics on the walk home can’t mask her hurt, leading to a decisive breakup. Shared on Reddit, this tale of disrespect and defiance captures the raw pain of betrayal on a night meant for love.

‘My (34F) boyfriend (36M) picked up another girl in front of me and thinks I am over reacting!’

Friday night date night with my(34F) bf(36M) (let’s call him Lee) last night. We walked to a local bar had a couple of drinks, he had a few more than me. I was sober and he was tipsy at least but didn’t seem super drunk. We were having a good time, playing board games and sharing some pizza.

Before we left to go home, he wanted to have a smoke so we went upstairs to the smokers balcony. He bummed a cigarette and started chatting to a group, 2 guys 1 (drunk) girl approx 32F, let’s call her Bree. I was kind of on the peripheral but still standing right next to them (I don’t smoke).

Somewhere along the way Lee and Bree realise they have the same birthday (4 years apart) and seem to bond over this. She hugs him and they are both a bit over excited by this discovery. At some point they decide how fun it would be to get drinks sometime (because of the bday thing? Not sure) and he gets her phone number.

Then he prank calls her, so that she has his number. Wtf? She hugs him a bunch more times (drunkenly) and even ends up kissing him on the lips. I didn’t see the kiss but he told me later on. They were already too close for my comfort, hugging at least 6-8times in the space of 10mins. They finally leave and so do we.

I’m pretty upset while we walk 20mins home. Lee does this thing when he knows he might be in trouble he acts like a child, so he was running around the street at 1am trying to be funny and I wasn’t buying it. When we got to his house, I sat down for 5mins while he brushed his teeth and then I told him I was going to catch an Uber home.

I told him I wasn’t feeling great and I wanted to go home. He was surprised but let me go. I didn’t want to get into it right then and there because he’d been drinking and I was sober and no point fighting when one person is drunk. So I told him I’d talk to him tomorrow.

In the Uber home I told him I didn’t feel great about how he had behaved with the girl (because he kept asking what was wrong) and that my feelings were hurt. Honestly I’m not upset about the drunk girl. I’m upset that he couldn’t get himself out of the situation with the drunk girl and that he got her number and gave her his number - wtf for?

When I asked him about it, he said he didn’t want to be rude or be the fun police and kill the vibe by telling her to back off. This made me more upset that he would rather my feelings get hurt than some random girl he has never met before. I told him he had his priorities all wrong.

Makes me wonder what would have happened if I wasn’t there? Would it have gone further? My boyfriend is a massive people pleaser (wants to be liked) so I can see this influencing his behaviour, but You can be nice to people without behaving like you are picking up some drunk girl in front of your girlfriend??

What should I do? What would you do? I’ve explained my side to him, he thinks I am over reacting. My feelings are hurt and I think I deserve to be treated with more respect. Advice please? Thanks. #### UPDATE ####

Thank you to everyone for your comments and support, it definitely helped me to consider multiple perspectives I hadn’t thought of. One of my close friends said to me today, regardless of what happened on Friday, is this someone you can see yourself with long term?

The answer was a definitive NO. So I decided to break up with him. This was the message that I sent him. I think it sums up Al the things I was feeling and some things that you all pointed out;. Lee, I’ve reflected on our relationship over the last few days and I have reached some conclusions and a final decision;

I deserve to be treated better than you treated me. On Friday night, I was humiliated and disrespected during our date because you didn’t want to kill the vibe or be the fun police towards complete strangers. Your priorities are completely in the wrong order.

I want to be with someone who would put me and my feelings first or atleast before random strangers. I believe this is a minimum requirement for a successful relationship. - I am responsible if I accept the way you have treated me. If I accept it, it will only happen again. I am not okay with this.

I believe you have serious issues with being a people pleaser and I have zero interest waiting around until one day I hear, I only slept with her because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings or I did something else hurtful or stupid because I didn’t want to kill the fun vibe we were having.

Your lack of being able to set appropriate boundaries makes me feel unsafe - because my heart will get broken. No thanks. - The way you behave like a child when you feel like you are in trouble is extremely manipulative and designed to deflect your responsibility and accountability for your actions.

You are very good at gaslighting me. I refuse to accept being gaslit. The only thing I did wrong on Friday was not walking out of the bar and taking an Uber home straight away. - I don’t think you are a bad person. I just don’t think you are the kind of person I want to be in a long term relationship with.

Our values for a committed relationship are simply not compatible. - I don’t want to try to change you. You are old enough to make your own decisions. I think we should both find partners that fit what we are looking for.

It’s sad this relationship hasn’t worked out but I hold no bad feelings towards you and only wish you the best on this journey called life. I’m sure we will run into each other and I hope we can be civil and respectful towards each other in the future.. ####

Date nights should strengthen bonds, but this woman’s experience reveals how quickly boundaries can crumble. Her boyfriend’s excessive interaction with a stranger—repeated hugs, exchanging numbers, and allowing a kiss—crossed a clear line. By prioritizing a “fun vibe” over her feelings, he showed a troubling lack of respect, compounded by his dismissal of her upset as overreacting.

This behavior often stems from weak boundary-setting. A 2021 study in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 35% of couples face conflicts when one partner seeks external validation over their relationship. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, emphasizes, “Respect in a relationship means turning toward your partner’s needs, not away from them”. His failure to deflect the stranger’s advances ignored this core principle.

The woman’s pain highlights a broader issue: the emotional toll of feeling sidelined in a partnership. His childish deflection and gaslighting attempts to downplay her feelings only widened the rift. Her breakup was a powerful act of self-respect, recognizing that tolerating such behavior invites future hurt.

Her decision to walk away aligns with valuing her worth. For others facing similar breaches, setting clear boundaries early can prevent such incidents. Therapy can address people-pleasing tendencies or help rebuild trust if both partners are committed. Her choice reflects the strength of prioritizing self-respect over a flawed relationship.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The Reddit community rallied behind the woman, condemning her boyfriend’s actions as blatantly disrespectful and disloyal. Many labeled the number exchange and kiss as cheating, especially egregious in her presence. His excuse of avoiding “killing the vibe” was widely criticized as a weak justification for prioritizing a stranger’s feelings over his girlfriend’s.

Commenters praised her breakup decision, highlighting his childish behavior and gaslighting as major red flags. The consensus celebrated her stand for self-respect, urging her to seek a partner who values and prioritizes her. These Redditors offer unwavering support, affirming her choice to end a relationship marked by disregard and manipulation.

Dear_Parsnip_6802 − The fact that he would choose not to hurt the feelings of a drunk stranger and be perfectly fine with hurting yours speaks volumes

Tinypotatoe98 − Mam he cheated on you. He got another’s woman’s number and have his number out? AND SHE KISSED HIM ON THE LIPS?! Did he reject her after? He say stop I have a gf or don’t kiss me I have a gf?

Or did he just let it happen therefore consenting? D**p this guy. He rather let a girl hit on him basically rather then reject her and be loyal? BYE. The excuse of ohh I don’t wanna ruin the fun blah blah blah is BS.

[Reddit User] − I'd make it clear to him that it's hard to trust him to be respectful of the relationship if he cares more about hurting a strangers feelings and 'killing the fun' than making it clear you're in a relationship.. And if you can't trust someone in a long term relationship, it's not going to end well.

ColdstreamCapple − You’re a better person than I am….If it was me I’d have quietly walked away…..Gone home and he’d find his belongings on the front lawn. This is NOT appropriate behaviour for a guy in a relationship (And I say that as a guy myself)

Is he seriously so socially clueless he thought this was ok???? Any legitimate person would of walked away before it got to the point it did Looks like his smoking habit has also cost his relationship, because you seriously deserve better and the drunk girl can have him!

stayathomesommelier − When is their birthdays? If it’s coming up soon I guarantee there will be birthday drinks. He will justify it by saying “But we have the same birthday!” And make you out to be the crazy one.. My birthday is the same as David Schwimmers. We never go out.

tooyoungtobesad − He sounds extremely childish for a 36 year old. Please think hard about how his behavior has been throughout your relationship. At his age, he is done growing, so what you see is what you get. He won't change, so would you be happy to live with him forever, knowing how he is? Does the thought excite you or horrify you?

SupermarketOk9538 − You got cheated on, that in front of you. This is disgusting, alone the fact that he had the face to say your reaction hurt his feeling by leaving his home is a big a**hole move.... End it and search yourself a loyal and kind boyfriend who loves and respect you.

jpk36 − He smokes cigarettes, gets too drunk, acts like a child, gets other girls numbers in front of you, kisses them on the lips, and refuses to admit he was wrong and tries to flip it back on you, plus he does all this at 36 years old?. What’s the upside on him?

Acidolph − I would have broken up with him just over the birthday thing.. What 36-year old man gets excited over a shared birthday date?!

NotTrynaMakeWaves − He didn’t ’prank call her’, he checked that it was the right number and she’s not given him a fake. As an aside, this is why some women give out their numbers even if they’re in a relationship - because it can get ugly when the guy immediately calls it to make sure. It’s easier to give the number and block theirs later if they call.

This story of a ruined date night lays bare the sting of betrayal and the courage to reclaim dignity. Her boyfriend’s flirty misstep and dismissive attitude shattered trust, but her breakup message stood as a testament to self-worth.

It reminds us that love demands respect, not excuses. Have you faced a moment where boundaries were tested in a relationship? Share your thoughts below and let’s explore the line between fun and fidelity!

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