My (33F) bf (30M) is in love with his best female friend. How do I break up with him when I am 9 months pregnant?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a quiet apartment, where the hum of a baby monitor waits to echo, a 33-year-old woman, nine months pregnant, grapples with a heavy heart. After seven years, she’s ready to end her relationship, convinced her boyfriend loves his best female friend. His gifts and late-night texts to his friend overshadow their bond, leaving her feeling like an afterthought. Her pain, raw and urgent, draws readers into a story of betrayal and courage as she nears motherhood.

Her Reddit post unleashed a wave of support, with users cheering her resolve to prioritize herself and her baby. It’s a poignant tale of love’s limits and the strength to let go at life’s crossroads. Let’s dive into her words and the reactions they sparked.

‘My (33F) bf (30M) is in love with his best female friend. How do I break up with him when I am 9 months pregnant?’

I’ve been with my boyfriend (30M) for 7 years, and I’m 9 months pregnant with our child. Lately, I’ve been feeling like our relationship is no longer working, primarily because I believe he has deep feelings for his best female friend. Their friendship started when he moved across the country to be with me and met her at his new job.

While I don’t have an issue with her, I’m uncomfortable with how much effort he puts into their relationship compared to ours. We’ve been through a lot together, but I feel like we’ve grown apart.

He’s never been open about it, but I’ve noticed things like frequent texting and giving her a Valentine’s gift (despite never acknowledging Valentine’s Day with me). These gestures feel too personal for a “friendship,” and it’s made me feel increasingly disconnected.

I even snooped on his phone and saw he sent her flowers when she was sick which something he’s never done for me. He basically ignores me when I'm sick. I’ll give him some credit that he did actually send me roses for my birthday a couple of weeks prior to Valentine's Day.

I tried to communicate how his actions make me feel, but he doesn’t seem to get it. I only met her for the first time last month, and it was because I’m pregnant and he felt it was time for me to stop thinking she was the “big bad wolf.” Even though I made it clear that she wasn’t the issue and it was about his actions for her.

After meeting her and observing them together, I don’t think anything has happened between them, but if she were to ever show interest, I believe he’d jump at the chance. There have also been other issues, like him staying at her house after drinking without telling me he wasn't coming home, and sending her elaborate gifts under the excuse that it was to help her with her relationship.

I’ve stayed because of life events/challenges that made it difficult to focus on a break up while trying to deal with and cope, especially since we live together. Now, I’m at a point where I just don’t feel emotionally invested anymore. I’m tired of feeling second to someone else, especially with a baby on the way.

I know I want to break up, but I’m torn between doing it before or after the baby arrives. I feel confident we can co-parent well, but I’m unsure if I should wait until after the birth to avoid adding stress or if it’s better to do it now. How do I break up with him when I’m 9 months pregnant?

Love shouldn’t feel like a competition, but for this woman, her boyfriend’s devotion to his friend overshadows their relationship. His gestures, like sending flowers to his friend but ignoring her when she’s sick, signal emotional distance that cuts deep, especially during pregnancy. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Emotional attunement is the foundation of a strong partnership.” The boyfriend’s focus on his friend suggests a lack of attunement, leaving the woman to question her place in his heart.

Her distress reflects the pain of emotional neglect, which can erode self-esteem and trust, particularly in vulnerable times like pregnancy. Studies show that unsupported partners during pregnancy face higher risks of stress and postpartum challenges. The boyfriend’s dismissal of her concerns, paired with his friend’s priority, borders on emotional infidelity, even if no physical line has been crossed.

This story mirrors broader issues of boundary-setting in relationships. The boyfriend’s elaborate gifts and late-night stays blur the line between friendship and something more, undermining the trust needed for a partnership. The woman’s decision to leave, though daunting, prioritizes her well-being and her child’s future in a healthier environment.

Therapy could help her navigate this transition, offering tools to rebuild confidence and set co-parenting boundaries. Support from friends or family, as Reddit users suggest, can provide a safety net post-breakup. Her strength in recognizing her worth, even at nine months pregnant, sets the stage for a new chapter focused on her and her baby.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit users didn’t hold back, offering a blend of empathy and tough love. Most agreed the boyfriend’s actions—showering his friend with gifts while neglecting his pregnant partner—point to an emotional affair, if not a prelude to more.

Many urged her to leave before the baby arrives, citing the chaos of navigating a breakup with a newborn. Others emphasized her worth, insisting she and her child deserve a partner who prioritizes them. These fiery takes, packed with Reddit’s raw honesty, underscore the urgency of her choice. They rally behind her, cheering for a fresh start.

Express_Parsley_8456 − Having had kids myself and leaving their dad when I was 9 months pregnant with my last, I’d recommend doing it before the baby comes. It will be stressful but I can guarantee that once the baby is born, it will seem almost impossible.

If this is what you really want, get to wherever you’re going to be and get settled because doing anything like this with a baby in tow will be substantially more physically, emotionally, physiologically, etc. more difficult. Especially considering this is your first.

Disastrous-Panda5530 − At first I had assumed you meant a lifelong female best friend. Not one he recently only met. He’s putting more effort into another woman. Despite how you feel about it he’s continued his relationship with her.

Sounds like an emotional affair and if it hasn’t turned physical it’s only a matter of time. I think it would be better to leave before the baby. It will be much harder to do so after the baby comes.

notcreativeenough002 − I only read the first 2 paragraphs but that was enough to understand that he will never prioritise you ever. It’s not even about the other woman - if it were, you would have noticed a change in his behaviour but it seems like he has never appreciated your relationship ever (not caring for you when you’re sick, no gifts). 

At this point of pregnancy you should avoid all unnecessarily stress. You’re very vulnerable right now. If you can, go somewhere else to have you baby and recover from birth afterwards. A friend’s house or a family member. Anyone from whom you can expect help. Your bf will not help you.

You should make that clear to your friends, tell them you’re sorry but you can’t expect any help from him and will need somewhere safe and healthy to stat where there’ll be helping hands. It’s a lot to ask, but it would probably be way more complicated to kick him out so that family or a friend could come stay over at your place.

You don’t need him around right now and neither for when the baby comes, since his presence and actions clearly are a stress factor for you right now. Distance yourself from him, physically, and make sure you’re in a comfortable environment until you recovered from birth.. Good luck and stay strong🫶🏽

bee102019 − Just hand him a sock and tell him he's a free elf now.

klmoran − Do it asap. Everything is much harder with a newborn and it will be easier for you to settle into your new life. You don’t need to be anyone’s second choice and you should leave now before this seriously affects your mental health.

RVAMeg − Let’s take this woman out of this. Why do you think this is all you deserve? A guy who ignores you when you’re sick? Doesn’t acknowledge holidays with you? You should break up with him, bc you and your kid deserve better. I’d do it now, clearly neither of you is invested, and a breakup with a newborn is going to be difficult.

Spoonbills − I feel like a huge weight will lift when you d**p this dipshit.. Lawyer up and get child support before he knocks her up.

DanceJazzlike8331 − Just no! I can not for the life of me understand the sheer amount of stubbornness or delusion it takes to act this way to your wife. What are his answers when you tell him how you feel? Platonic friendships shouldn't really be that much different from a friendship with the same s** and definitely don't include special presents and flowers. SMH

Dear_Parsnip_6802 − I would do it before. I'd also have another person in the delivery room with you. Either with him or without him. You deserve better than playing second best to a female friend. You are better off as coparents if he can't treat you the way you deserve as a gf. He's nurturing his friendship with her more than his relationship with you.

HeartlandMom − Friends? Would he send flowers or Valentine’s cards to a guy friend? You’re not wrong to feel like second fiddle. Even if it hasn’t turned physical, this is definitely emotional cheating. I second those people saying leave him before the baby. At least you’re confident you can co-parent with him. Your baby deserves that.

This woman’s story is a stark reminder that love should lift, not diminish, especially when a new life is on the way. Her boyfriend’s heart seems elsewhere, leaving her to carry the emotional load alone.

Reddit’s chorus pushes her toward freedom, urging her to embrace her value before motherhood consumes her focus. Have you ever had to make a tough call for your own peace? How did you find the strength? Share your thoughts below and let’s unpack this poignant tale of courage and heartbreak.

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