My (32F) husband (33M) is maybe cheating with a student (18F), what do I do?

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In a quiet Canadian suburb, a 32-year-old woman’s world unraveled when she discovered her husband, a respected high school teacher, secretly using Snapchat and OnlyFans to connect with an 18-year-old former student. Once vocal about the ethics of teacher-student boundaries, his hidden actions—spotted after a suspicious night and a theater encounter—left her reeling. Her anguish, raw and urgent, draws readers into a tale of trust shattered by betrayal.

Her Reddit post, pulsing with panic, sparked a firestorm of advice, with users urging legal action and professional accountability. It’s a gripping story of love tested by secrecy and ethical lines crossed. Let’s dive into her words and the reactions they ignited.

‘My (32F) husband (33M) is maybe cheating with a student (18F), what do I do?’

I am freaking out right now. My partner is a high school math teacher. He has been teaching now for a decade now and generally has been praised by students, parents, other teachers and admin for how he does his job.. We have been together for 7 years. We got married in 2023.

I have never worried about him being interested in his students. We have even talked about teacher/student relationships and he has never expressed anything other than disgust and how it’s an abuse of power, even if the student is an adult (not to specific instances irl, just movie instances and general topic discussion).

He has never been called out for being inappropriate (that I know), never engaged with students over the weekend/summer (unless it’s school related, but even then ALL contact is through school email or with parents).

He generally refers to his students as his ‘kids’ and actively keeps a distance from developing too close of a relationship, because he is young, attractive and other male teachers recommended he do so.. Okay, here’s what happened:

Around March, we were at the movie theatre one evening and I noticed a gaggle of girls staring and pointing. I notified my partner, assuming they were his students, and he told me I was right.

We did not go over to say hi (we have seen his students before out and about and he says hi on a case by case basis but typically doesn’t initiate) and they did not come to us. But, I noticed the rest of the girls playfully shoving one girl with lots of whispers, and the girl was staring at my husband sheepishly.

I immediately thought she probably had a crush and honestly, thought nothing of it after until last weekend. We were celebrating Canada day at a BBQ with family and my husband was pretty wasted. At one point, he went to the bathroom and didn’t come back for so long I was worried he was getting sick, so I checked on him.

When I knocked and said it was me, he said he was okay and would be right out but didn’t unlock the door. He stayed in the bathroom for another ~10 minutes. Super unusual for him but it could have been anything.

Later that night, I woke up around 3 and he wasn’t in bed. Worried again, I got up and found him on his phone in the living room. This is also unusual. When I asked what he was doing, he was definitely surprised and hid his phone screen. he said he couldn’t sleep and didn’t wanna wake me up by watching videos next to me in bed.

We both went back to sleep together. The next morning, he was hungover and slept in. I went through his phone. I have never not had a reason to trust him, so I have never gone through his phone. I found nothing of interest, except for the Snapchat app, which was not logged into.

He used to use snapchat but, from what I knew, hadn’t in years. I honestly assumed nothing finding the app and figured I was reading too much into things. Last night, I saw a snapchat notification pop up on his phone while we were watching tv. It was out of the corner of my eye but the logo is too recognition to mistake.

My heart f**king dropped, because, knowing he was logged out last week means he is definitely using it secretly. I pretended like I didn’t notice and a couple minutes later he got up to “take a long poop”. I cried while he was in the bathroom. Shortly after, I said I was going to bed early and he stayed up without me (he’s on summer break).

When I got up for work, he was still passed out. I went on his phone and found no Snapchat app. It was then that I knew something was shady for sure and when I looked up Snapchat on the home screen, it was there, just hidden in a folder of apps disguised as cooking and workout apps.

He had not logged out of Snapchat and when I opened it, there was only one conversation with a real human and it was a girl. There was no evidence of conversation between them because, for those who don’t know, snapchat deletes previous messages for good.

I was ready to confront him for cheating with basically 0 evidence but decided to keep snooping for something concrete. In that same disguised folder, I found that he had onlyfans downloaded. The only content creator he was subscribed to had the same username as the woman on Snapchat, but it’s his f**king student.

The one from the theatre, who was blushing. I have never clocked a face so fast. I am 100% certain. We make fun of onlyfans simps all the time so I was already disgusted but I actually threw up when I found this. I was scared I was going to wake him up and genuinely didn’t know what to do so I put his phone back and left for work.

At work, I did some sleuthing and was able to find the girls instagram/twitter accounts. She’s 18 and from grad photos I can tell with certainty that she attended my husbands school. The same onlyfans link was in her twitter bio.

He has texted me normally throughout the day and I have not responded to any but to tell him I have to go to my parents tonight but in reality I am still at work because I don’t know what to do. The reality is that this is fucked up but she has graduated.

Is this now just the same as any old affair? I don’t even know if she was in any of his classes. I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to do next? Lawyer? Should I ask my husband and see what he says? Should I ask her?. Edit to add: Does anybody know how to/if you can tell when an app was first downloaded?.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Trust is the bedrock of marriage, but this husband’s clandestine engagement with a former student shatters that foundation. His use of Snapchat and subscription to her OnlyFans, despite his vocal disdain for teacher-student relationships, suggests a betrayal not just of his wife but of his professional ethics. Dr. David Buss, a psychologist specializing in relationships, notes, “Secrecy in intimate relationships often signals deeper breaches of trust.” His actions, even if not physical, cross ethical lines, exploiting the power dynamic of his role.

The wife’s distress mirrors the emotional toll of infidelity, compounded by the public implications of his role as a teacher. Her discovery of hidden apps and his failure to explain them erode the safety of their seven-year marriage. The student’s recent graduation doesn’t erase the ethical violation, as teacher-student boundaries persist beyond the classroom.

This story reflects broader issues of professional misconduct and marital deception. His behavior risks not only his career but also the school’s reputation, as Reddit users noted, emphasizing the need to report him. The wife’s hesitation to confront him stems from shock, but preserving evidence is critical to protect her interests and others’ safety.

Legal consultation is essential to navigate divorce or separation, with a lawyer guiding evidence collection for both personal and professional repercussions. Therapy can help her process the betrayal and rebuild confidence, while reporting him to the school may prevent future risks to students. Her instinct to seek answers signals strength, but decisive action will shape her path forward.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit users erupted with outrage and urgency, condemning the husband’s actions as a gross ethical violation and likely infidelity. Many urged her to consult a lawyer immediately, preserving screenshots and evidence before confronting him, to secure her position in a potential divorce. Others stressed reporting him to the school, citing his risk to students and the likelihood of this not being his first lapse.

Some warned against contacting the student, focusing instead on professional and legal accountability. These fiery takes, laced with Reddit’s blunt candor, rally behind her need for justice and closure. They reflect a collective push for her to protect herself and hold him accountable.

BLUECAT1011 − This will not stay a secret for long. If the other students know, this will come out sooner or later. Someone will post something, her parents will find out, but eventually it comes out. Best to protect yourself and get your own legal advice as well as counseling.

Your husband is not who you thought he was and that's a really hard thing to accept, so take the time you need to figure that out. However, you don't know if this was the first time he did it or the first time he got caught. Either way, he should not be working in a school ever again and should be reported.

Mel221144 − A teacher watching a student on only fans is bad enough to leave. You don’t need proof.

blackcatsneakattack − Report him to the school. He’s a f**king liability.

WrastleGuy − At the very least he’s talking to her and masturbating to her.. You don’t need a pile to evidence to divorce.  If you know, you know.

Even_Budget2078 − Mmm, ok, so you saw her at the movies in March and her friends were definitely acting like something was up with her specifically? When does the school year end in Canada? Meaning, did she just graduate in May or June and would have been at the high school in March?

You need to see a lawyer. Do not talk about this with your husband for now. Do NOT talk to her. Please don't do that, that is not a good idea at all. Are you considering divorce or are you mainly concerned about ramifications to his job? I think you should talk to a lawyer about divorce, but that's me.

For his job, OP, this is up to you and I will not judge you if you don't, but please consider telling the school. I'm sorry, but you now know your husband is a risk to his female students. I'm not saying it's a sure thing that he'll prey on another one.

But, he is a risk and I think you know this. So, if you know this, what is your obligation to girls at his school? Maybe just to add that it is not ok for teachers to groom students but not act on it until they leave.

mamachonk − I have never worried about him being interested in his students. We have even talked about teacher/student relationships and he has never expressed anything other than disgust and how it’s an abuse of power, even if the student is an adult (not to specific instances irl, just movie instances and general topic discussion).. Nope. This is 100% awful.

I was in a slightly different situation but I think it applies here. My (now ex) husband was in a band. He used to tell me stories of this musician and that musician and groupies, low-key condemning their behavior. I KNEW in my heart of hearts he would never do such things. Turns out, he was telling me what HE did.

Whether those other guys also did or not, I don't know, but if so, they were way more discreet. He had multiple affairs, including one with an 18-year-old girl when in his late 40s. He started talking to her when she was 17. I almost threw up when I found out. We had been married for \~15 years.

I am so mad he wasted that much of my life but really glad I didn't allow him to waste even more. Don't waste more of yours with this a$$hat. It doesn't even matter if she was in any of his classes, this is wildly inappropriate even if he wasn't married. She's barely 18, he's technically old enough to be her father.

Him snapping/following an OF account of anyone's while being married is inappropriate. See a lawyer and do what they say. Preserve any and all evidence you have. Do not tip your husband off until you've seen a lawyer and figured out your options.. And I'm so sorry you're going through this.

ihaveredhaironmyhead − Should probably document everything concrete you know of first. That will be helpful if he goes 100% denial. Just keep this Reddit post saved somewhere. Then you need to do the really scary thing of confronting him. You might benefit from using a trick detectives use. Don't ask him if he's cheating.

Say 'I know about her' and pay very close attention to his reaction. I was falsely accused of cheating once. My reaction was pure dumbfounded and I did not panic at all. You probably know your husband well, so you'll be able to tell if he panics. Don't give him any time to prepare, just say it directly right away. His reaction will tell you everything.

Jealous-Ad-5146 − You know he is. All the hiding is evidence enough. You don't need to come with a stack of evidence. Call a lawyer and tell him you know. It's done. I'm sorry.

clearheaded01 − Dont confront hsuband - you have little evidence (did you save screenshots??).. confronting her wont do any good.. Now - time to find lawyer... for advice and to prepare.. Lawyer will advise - IF you need evidence for better divorce, lawyer will tell you.. While lawyer works, you need to consider what YOU want..

If you want to give the marriage a chance, SAVE THE EVIDENCE ELSEWHERE before confronting. OP - it can get very ugly when hubby realises that not only is his marriage at risk, his job and potentially prison, IF hes involved with a student (depending on where you live)

IF you feel you need more evidence, keylogger will provide - not for court, but for your peace of mind and so you know where to point a PI who can get evidence submittable in court.

srakken − “Best case” scenario is that he subscribed and is paying for Snapchats without her knowing it’s him. Maybe she has a crush on him and acted flirty in school catching his interest (but maybe he didn’t reciprocate) which made him look her up and find her OF. Mind you that is the the “best” case here if that is the case is that even something you could live with?

Worse case is that it is much worse than that and that he was actively pursuing her and perhaps something physical happened. I don’t know why he would bother subscribing to an OF if he had the real thing. That is one thing that stands out.. In any of the scenarios your husband is a creep sorry :(

This woman’s story is a chilling reminder that trust can crumble under secrecy, especially when ethical lines are crossed. Her husband’s hidden ties to a former student betray not just their marriage but his professional integrity, leaving her grappling with heartbreak and tough choices.

Reddit’s fierce support urges her to seek legal advice and report his misconduct, prioritizing her future and others’ safety. Have you faced a betrayal that shook your trust? How did you find the strength to act? Share your thoughts below and let’s unpack this raw tale of deception and resilience.

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