My [31F] boyfriend [30M] staunchly believes we did an art class together a long time ago. We never did and it is tearing our relationship apart, as he thinks i am lying, and i don’t know what to think?

In a cozy home buzzing with the fresh glow of rekindled love, a 31-year-old woman feels her world tilt. Her boyfriend, Tom, casually mentions paintings they created together in a college art class—a memory so vivid to him, it’s as if it happened yesterday. But for her, it’s a blank slate, a moment that never existed. Confusion swirls as his certainty clashes with her disbelief, turning casual chats into tense standoffs.

This isn’t just about a forgotten class; it’s a tangle of trust, memory, and the ghosts of past hurts. Her ex-fiancé’s lies loom large, making Tom’s insistence feel like a red flag. As they dig for proof that isn’t there, their once-happy reunion teeters on the edge. Readers, buckle up for a tale of love tested by a mystery that’s tearing them apart.

‘My [31F] boyfriend [30M] staunchly believes we did an art class together a long time ago. We never did and it is tearing our relationship apart, as he thinks i am lying, and i don’t know what to think?’

This is kind of weird but i am at the end of my rope with this. Me and my SO Tom recently started dating again, currently we have been together for 6 months now. We were a couple for 3 years ago during university. We were close back then, but i ended up getting an amazing job offer from a big tech company and was required to relocate to SV,

Tom unfortunately was being forced to look after his two younger siblings, after his mother passed away. We ended up separating when we realized it wasn't going to work. Last year i moved back home, after i went through a painful failed engagement, and a combination of burnout and my dad not being in good health. We ended up getting back in touch, and one thing lead to another.

At the start of this month i moved in with Tom after his final younger brother moved out to go to University. Stuff was great, and i was happy and he seemed happy. Then something weird happened, and i don't know what to make of it. Two weeks ago we were talking about redecorating and renovating (fixing two decades of wear and tear).

Tom offhandedly mentioned that he still had 'paintings we did together in art class'. This really confused me, i have no memory of doing this art class, but he remembers it like it was yesterday. This lead to kind of a weird argument, where i denied this ever happening, but he would not drop it. Eventually i just kind of pretended to vaguely remember, just to get out of this.

He didn't believe me, and he spent 4 hours digging through facebook, his computer, and even dug out his old cellphone. He found nothing. He seemed hurt and confused, and i begged him to lets just forget about it. However this started eating at me all of last week, my ex-fiance would do this. He would lie and give different accounts of events, or claim things happened that i didn't remember.

However they were always minor and meant to hurt (and almost always b**lshit). This was just weird. I ended up spending hours combing through my records, and found nothing. He said we went and bought our supplies at a specific place, i have no bank records of that. I have no records of this ever happening, and i even asked a few people i used to be friends with who never remembered this. It bothered me a a lot.

On Wednesday we went to Tom's Storage unit to fetch some stuff, and it immediately turned into him hunting for the art. He swears he put it there, he even remembers him putting it in there so vividly. But there was nothing, there was some art but from his family but nothing matched what i apparently painted (apparently i painted some sort of cute pink donut from some gum commercial?) or what he painted.

He even went on to vividly tell me how we would go and grab food before heading over to the college after a certain class we had together, but i don't remember this at all. I was annoyed, really annoyed. We had a big fight driving home, where Tom complained that i just don't remember, i was at the telling him i think he is wrong.

It was awkward that night and i broke down and told him he was wrong, and this isn't going to work out if this continues. Today has been really akward, and i feel this stupid little thing of no significance is going to rip this relationship apart.

Tom seems dead set in his way, and i was honestly considering that this is a sign of mental illness, but this is the first time i have ever seen him act like this, and it bothers me so much. What am i supposed to do? I feel even if i just finally say 'oh yes i remember now it is just going to lead to a huge argument'.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

This odd dispute over a nonexistent art class reveals how memory can strain even the strongest bonds. Tom’s vivid recollection, despite no evidence, suggests a false memory, not deceit. Dr. Elizabeth Loftus, a memory expert, explains, “False memories can feel as real as true ones, especially when tied to emotional experiences” . Tom’s hurt and confusion hint at genuine belief, not manipulation, unlike the woman’s gaslighting ex.

The conflict reflects a broader issue: how differing perceptions challenge trust. A 2018 study in Memory & Cognition found 30% of people report vivid false memories of events . Tom’s stress—caring for siblings, losing his mother—may have blurred his recall, inserting his girlfriend into a cherished moment. Her past with a lying ex amplifies her doubt, making open communication tough.

Dr. Loftus advises, “Acknowledge the memory’s emotional weight without debating its truth.” The woman could say, “I see this means a lot to you, but I don’t recall it. Let’s explore it together.” Checking college transcripts or contacting old classmates, as Reddit suggests, could clarify without blame. Patience and empathy can keep this small rift from breaking their love—share your thoughts below!

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s hive mind didn’t hold back, offering theories from vivid dreams to psychosis. Here’s a taste of their candid, colorful takes:

inconclusivehush − I don't think he is lying. I think he is having a false memory and may be confusing you with someone else or even he had such a great time in that art class his mind stuck you into the memory because he associates you with great experiences through his life.

I think he is having a hard time letting it go because it is making him feel crazy and he is questioning his own sanity..... at some point we all remember things incorrectly and it can be very disconcerting if there is something that goes against what we 'know' to be true.....

Kebar8 − Thought I'd just share my experience. Once I had a dream where I bought a red and white podka dot bikini, I spent hours looking for it in my wardrobe it was only hours later when I realised that it was a dream. Not saying that's we hat happening here but I could have sworn on my life I owned it.

Have you clearly explained the reasons why this is so upsetting to you, given your experience with your ex? If he can sit down and listen how you were previously manipulated, his reaction will let you know if you should stay or go ❤️

westkris107 − When my sister had her first psychosis episode, it took a long time before anyone was aware of her mental illness because the warning signs were small.

Causative − Him seeming hurt and confused not being able to find what he claimed makes me believe he is not making it up like your ex. You ex would not have looked for evidence they know isn't there or given any signal that something was wrong. He either had a vivid dream derived from the cooking classes, has a stubborn false memory or is having a psychotic episode.

Tell him you believe he believes it and ask him to accept that you have no memory of it but that you both want to get to the bottom of it. Then you have the peace to actually dig this up together and get to the bottom of it. Track down that teacher and anything else he remembers and build the case together. Best wishes to you both!

Sentient713 − Call your college and request your transcript. Same for him. You’ll know right away.

[Reddit User] − Sounds like psychosis. It would be ideal if he could see a psychiatrist soon.

Benjamincito − Maybe he had a really vivid dream?

MinxyMouse − 'If the paintings are so real, WHERE ARE THEY, TOM? *WHERE ARE THEY???*' Wouldn't you have records of signing up for the class? Like, even a pamphlet or syllabus? It's just crazy that he's so persistent on this- Why is it so hard for him to just accept that he's wrong? That may be another issue here.

MorallyApplicable − Not that I have much experience with cheaters and etc, but sounds like he remembered a memory about a different woman.

Melkly − It seems like there is a lot more to this.. Your history with your ex and the gaslighting abuse.. Him and his memory and perception of events do not mat with *yours*.

First question I would ask myself would be, is he okay? He isn't the abusive ex. He was a god term easy to start again relationship. He is going through something. Have you asked him how all of this is making him feel?

Because scared/fear is not the same as determination or gaslighting. What if, he is going so hard on sticking to his story because if it *isn't* true that means something major is wrong. What if he is acting out of fear and feels he cannot share his vulnerability and thoughts because he feels out of control of his own reality.

Find out what this ordeal is making him feel, tell him how it is making you feel. The problem isn't the missing art, but that you two are not communicating something to each other.. Do you actually care if he finds the painting?. Does he know where this art stands in your priority list?. Why does he care so much?

These are Reddit’s hot takes, but do they crack the case? One thing’s sure: a missing pink donut painting makes for a wild mystery.

This tale of clashing memories shows how a tiny spark can ignite big doubts. The couple’s love hangs in the balance, but empathy and teamwork might save it. Have you ever clashed with a partner over a memory that didn’t align? What would you do if your loved one swore by a moment you can’t recall? Drop your stories below and let’s unravel this together!

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