My [30M] wife [29F] more or less abandoned me and the kids, with nothing more then a note. I don’t know what to do?

Imagine returning from a weekend away to find your home eerily quiet, your partner gone, and a single note shattering your world. For one Canadian dad, this nightmare unfolded when his wife of five years vanished to Korea, leaving him and their twin daughters with nothing but a cryptic farewell. Her clothes, their savings, and her presence—poof, gone like a ghost. His confusion and heartbreak leap off the page, pulling us into a story of betrayal and resilience.

This isn’t just a tale of abandonment; it’s a raw glimpse into love’s unraveling under pressure. With her family’s disapproval and her postpartum struggles lurking in the background, we’re left wondering: what drove her to flee, and how will this dad rebuild? Let’s step into this emotional whirlwind and explore the pieces left behind.

‘My [30M] wife [29F] more or less abandoned me and the kids, with nothing more then a note. I don’t know what to do?’

Me \[30M\] and my wife \[29F\] have been married 5 years and have been together for 8 years. We met through an internship in university (she came from Korea, i came from Canada), we ended up both doing a long distance relationship thing for a year before we both ended up moving to Toronto for jobs as developers.

To make things complicated her family has never really approved of me. I know very basic Korean that she taught me, but her family up until now has cut contact with me (they didn't come to the wedding, nor have they seen their grand daugthers).

However she has always been extremely independent, and despises the idea that her family can control any part of her life, so she asked me to marry her (i was fine with that) only after living together for 8 months. Two years ago she gave birth to a pair of wonderful baby girls.

However it became very obvious something was extremely wrong, she became a whole different kind of person after the birth. She became extremely protective and borderline paranoid of anyone other than me or her looking after her kids. Apparently the idea of her becoming a stay at home mom was insulting to her and she told me over and over that i needed to become a stay at home dad.

Since she was the bread winner it was fine for me. About 6 months ago she was diagnosed with postpartum depression, and was given medication that made her much better (no more bizarre mood swings, or picking fights for no reason). Last weekend was the first time i have had some time off from the kids, i was going to my friends bachelor party at his cottage for the weekend and my wife was going to look after the kids..

On Sunday morning i got a phone call from my sister who told me:. * My wife dropped the kids off with her as there was some emergency at the office on Saturday.. * She didn't come back to get them and it was now Sunday. * Her phone wasn't responding to her messages/calls. I freaked out and rushed home, only to find pretty much all her stuff gone.

She left me a single page note that was basically told me that she was going back home to be with her family, and she was 'cutting ties' with me as she couldn't be the person 'i wanted her to be', and asked that i respect her decision. She also closed our joint bank accounts saying i had 'no right' to that money as she earned it.

I talked to one of her friends from work and she said she told me she put in her two weeks notice over a month ago so this has been planned for awhile. I am pretty much a confused mess, my family is helping out, but its complicated.

I talked to her parents and they basically refused to talk to me, and demanded that i leave her or them alone. I brought up their grand-children and her father told me point blank they aren't his.. What am i supposed to be doing. I don't really understand.

A note, an empty home, and two little girls—this dad’s world flipped overnight. His wife’s calculated exit, coupled with her postpartum depression history, paints a complex picture of mental health and personal choice. While her independence once defied her family’s control, her departure feels like a betrayal, leaving her husband to pick up the pieces.

Abandonment like this isn’t just personal—it’s a growing concern. The American Psychological Association notes that 10-15% of new mothers face postpartum depression, with some cases escalating to psychosis if untreated (www.apa.org). Her premeditated plan suggests deeper issues, possibly untreated or misdiagnosed, as Reddit users speculated.

Dr. Shoshana Bennett, a postpartum mental health expert, states, “Severe postpartum disorders can lead to drastic decisions if support systems fail” (https://www.postpartum.net/learn-more/). Here, her isolation from family and possible medication lapses may have fueled her flight. Yet, her actions—closing accounts, rejecting her children—demand accountability.

Legally, the dad must act fast. A family lawyer can pursue divorce, full custody, and child support, though international enforcement in Korea is tricky, per the Hague Convention (https://www.hcch.net). Counseling for him and his girls is vital to process this trauma.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up advice with a side of outrage and empathy. From legal battle cries to mental health theories, here’s the community’s take:

MochiArcher − Go to legaladvice. I'm pretty sure she can't just close your joint account and take all the money especially since you were at home raising the children.. You need to get a Lawyer, get the divorce proceedings rolling and see if you can get child support. Edit: I just wanted to really stress how important it is you lawyer up, ESPECIALLY because this is now international.

The longer you wait, the longer it may be to even find her. I wouldn’t even waste time thinking about your relationship. It’s over and you need to do what’s best for your children, which is to get them financial and emotional stability in this difficult time.. I am so incredibly sorry for you. Best of luck.

lunabear72 − At this point you protect yourself and the kids. Get lawyer. File for divorce. Get full custody of your kids. Just in case she tries to pull something later. Also file for child support. That way you have a case against her. Stop trying to contact her.

Let your lawyer do that. She made her choice. Your choice now is to protect kids and you. If she comes back. Want to see the kids. Tell her no. That you need the judge to order supervise visitations. On the fear she might be a flight risk. Might want to take the kids with her to Korea.

acendsley − F**k man that's rough I'm sorry, you need to divorce her and get custody of your kids if you don't she can come and take them and move them to Korea and you won't be able to do anything about it.

wow_AnotherAnon_wow − Maybe checking out r/legaladvice could help here as well

theskyisfalling1 − Lawyer up as she needs to pay child support and possibly Alimony since you left your job to be a SAHD. Now the fact that she has fled to Korea I don't know if you will be able to actually get any financial recourse in all honesty but that is what legal advice is for to figure out the options at least. I am so sorry for you and your 2 girls and hope something works out for your family.

whtnymllr − I’d definitely start with the legal avenues others have suggested. To add something different: The paranoia and craziness sounds like postpartum psychosis to me, but I’m going on very little here. Whether she’s got depression or psychosis, there’s a risk of harming one’s self and children.

It’s really important for her to see a doctor and continue treatment, especially if she was misdiagnosed or her meds aren’t strong enough. (Edited: I had thought that getting one of her friends to reach out to her with regard to her mental health might help, but idk. Someone else suggested the lawyer be the one to talk to her and that’s probably the best way to go.).

Just make sure you get full custody and keep your daughters protected!! She doesn’t sound like she’s in her right mind. Edit 2: Talk to your lawyer about this idea before pursuing it. I wonder if you could talk to the doctor who diagnosed her with pp-depression about what’s happened. I keep trying to think of ways to get her attention because IF there’s something wrong, she really needs treatment. He/she might be able to reach out to her (or her new doc, if she has one).

HWGA_Gallifrey − Lawyer, yesterday.

weirdlysane − I’m so sorry your wife did this to you and your girls. Realize the magnitude of what she did, changing your family’s world upside down. This was premeditated and therefore deserves no justifications or benefit of the doubt. She, as a wife and mother, unfortunately and sadly is gone. You need to only think about protecting yourself and your daughters from this selfish abandoner.

Everyone’s advice about getting a lawyer is an absolute first step. She’ll need to pay spousal and child support but you also need to dust off that resume. You also may want to get some counseling, I know how devastating this will be to your psyche. Hang in there for your girls.

NateSoma − Dude that is rough. I'm a Canadian guy who is married to a Korean woman (also have 2 kids). I actually live in Incheon which is basically a suburb of Seoul. I've been here a long time and I understand some of the cultural differences that can come up. Your situation doesn't sound great and your wife sounds very atypical but if you want to have a chat send me a DM. If theres anything I can do to help I would be happy to try my best!

[Reddit User] − It could of been worse (as if you need to hear this), but the son of a friend was in the same situation as you are - except she took the kids and went back to Korea unannounced. He came home from work to an empty house and not even a note. They were supposed to go out for dinner that night and had even organised a baby-sitter.

As he was sitting alone in their house trying to make sense of what was happening the baby-sitter turned up. First thing tomorrow morning, get in touch with your bank and have the money transfer reversed. Then straight after that get a lawyer to help you to start untangling this mess.

These Redditors bring heat, but do their calls for justice miss the mental health angle? Let’s weigh their wisdom.

This dad’s story is a gut-punch—love, loss, and two tiny faces depending on him. His wife’s escape to Korea, planned in secret, leaves us grappling with questions of mental health, duty, and recovery. As he faces legal fights and single parenthood, we’re reminded that family can break but also rebuild. What would you do in his shoes—chase her, protect the kids, or both? Drop your thoughts below and join the conversation!

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