My (26F) bf (28M) hates that I have a permanent bracelet with my two best friends, but I don’t see the issue. Does anyone have any advice on the situation?

Venus Hours
Comments 0 Comments
ADVERTISEMENT

In a sunlit café, a 26-year-old woman toyed with the thin gold chain on her wrist, a permanent bracelet tying her to two high school friends. A sweet reminder of their bond, it now sparked a storm in her five-year relationship. Her boyfriend’s disdain for the bracelet—calling it childish and a threat to future commitment—revealed a clash of values, leaving her questioning her choice.

This isn’t just about jewelry; it’s about autonomy, loyalty, and the boundaries of love. As she navigates his demands to remove the bracelet, her story asks: when does a partner’s opinion cross into control? Her journey resonates with anyone balancing personal ties and romantic expectations.

ADVERTISEMENT

‘My (26F) bf (28M) hates that I have a permanent bracelet with my two best friends, but I don’t see the issue. Does anyone have any advice on the situation?’

I got a permanent bracelet with my two high school best friends a couple of years ago when we all were in the same city. (We all live in different cities now as adults so we have reunion trips every year or so.) I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years now.

My boyfriend made his dislike for the idea clear then, but I didn’t think too much of it since I was excited and thought the idea was cute. He hadn’t said much about it for a while, but I recently made a comment that it had stretched out too much to the point I could slip it out so I had to go get it resized. He said “or just take it off and never put it back on.”

I thought he was joking but he proceeded to go off about how weird it was that I wear it and how I give my friends too much weight by doing that and that I never wear anything he gives me every day. I told him I do wear the things he gives me, but this is the only piece I have that I don’t ever take off because it’s “permanent” so I can shower with it and sleep with it without ruining it or losing it.

ADVERTISEMENT

I always lose jewelry so I tend to wear pieces I care about less frequently so they don’t get lost and cheaper/ pieces I don’t care about as much more in case I do lose them. I said if he got me something I could sleep and shower in, I would wear it every day. He said it only makes sense to have something on my body every day that is related to my family or him. He said if the roles were reversed, I would also hate it, but that’s really not true.

I don’t think it’s that big of a deal, it’s not like a tattoo or something actually permanent. I took the bracelet off for now, but I do really like having it. Does anyone have advice on how to handle this situation? Is it weird to have this bracelet with my friends? I felt really sure that it isn’t weird and shouldn’t be an issue, but the more I think about it, the more I’m questioning it. Any insight is appreciated!

Update: we talked about it more today and I got more insight on why he doesn’t like it. He said it isn’t classy and is equivalent to having a tattoo in his pov. He said it cheapens an engagement ring since I already am wearing something that connects me to somebody else. He said it’s childish and immature and that if we were married he wouldn’t want me to wear that and my ring.

ADVERTISEMENT

It would have to be only my ring. (The bracelet was on the right hand fyi.) he said he would understand if I bought myself the bracelet, but he doesn’t get that it’s something two other people also have. He said he didn’t choose to date them, so why would I want to be like them.

He sees the body as very sacred and really considers everything he puts on it and would want me to see it the same way. I honestly think he’s reaching. Not sure where we go from here but the implications about why he doesn’t like it feel bigger than what I was originally thinking.

A simple bracelet has unraveled complex tensions in this woman’s relationship, with her boyfriend’s objections hinting at deeper control issues. His view—that only family or he should mark her body daily—dismisses her autonomy and the value of her friendships. By equating the bracelet to a tattoo and deeming it “unclassy,” he imposes his ideals, ignoring her emotional connection to her friends.

ADVERTISEMENT

This reflects a broader issue: controlling behaviors often masquerade as personal preferences. Studies suggest 20-30% of relationships face boundary disputes, particularly when one partner seeks to limit the other’s social ties. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Healthy partnerships thrive on mutual respect for individual identities.” Her boyfriend’s insistence that she prioritize his gifts or remove the bracelet undermines this, echoing Reddit’s concerns about isolation.

She’s taken a step by discussing his reasoning, but his rigid stance—especially disliking one friend’s lifestyle—raises red flags. Wearing the bracelet again, as Reddit urges, could assert her autonomy. A calm conversation framing it as a non-negotiable part of her identity might clarify his intentions. If he doubles down, couples counseling could help.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit didn’t mince words, calling out control and cheering her to keep the bracelet. Here’s what they said:

ADVERTISEMENT

CompetitivePickle831 − This, my dear, is called ✨isolation✨

Comfortable-Pack-748 − I’m confused as to how this bracelet affects him in any way.

Competitive-Mud3047 − Let’s really break this down. You are lucky enough to have two friends from childhood who provide you great support and love you so much they also want a daily reminder and symbol of the bond now that you’re in different places. And this pisses your boyfriend off so badly he has pushed you to stop wearing it.

ADVERTISEMENT

How long before he has a problem with your annual vacation together? How long before he is policing your calls and texts with them as well? Healthy, secure people don’t begrudge their partners having close friendships. I’d argue they should champion and enthusiastically encourage these bonds.

If they aren’t and there are no underlying toxic or dangerous dynamics, you should be asking yourself why he wants to isolate you so badly and really take a step back and examine where else in your life he is demanding changes and you have acquiesced to keep the peace. A relationship should not require that you surrender all your autonomy.

mikraas − your boyfriend is a controlling jerk.. my favorite thing about these people is the 'well, you would feel the same if the roles were reversed!' no, a**hole, i wouldn't, because i am not an emotionally immature d**khead like you are. i understand that other people can have other personal relationships that don't interfere with my romantic relationship with my partner.. my advice is to get more permanent jewelry from your friends and leave this guy in the dust.

ADVERTISEMENT

Cool_Translator_8310 − No, but your bf is super controlling only your family or him? He's hating on a friend thing, which is weird of HIM. What's it to him, really? And you're rolling over for his control by taking it off instead of fighting him on this one (hill to die on). 'I'm going to wear this because I like it. I'm sorry you don't but this conversation is closed. I won't be discussing this with you again. You shouldn't be so upset by this and I'm concerned that you are.'

FairyCompetent − Put it back on and find a partner who is not threatened by your other close relationships. A good partner who wants the best for you will be happy that you have loving loyal friends. A person who loves you wants the best for you. A person who wants to own you doesn't want to share.

Mandalabouquet − 28 years old and behaving like a petulant child. Imagine getting jealous over a bracelet.. Good luck with this guy hun.

ADVERTISEMENT

SparklesIB − This post made me turn left at Albuquerque. I now know I need a permanent anklet. Also, girl, notice that I didn't say: 'Oh, I need to check with my husband to see if it's OK for me to get a permanent anklet.' Lordy, the gales of laughter that sends me into just thinking about. And we've been married over 30 years. I can just picture his face if I even mentioned it.

It would be a comical puzzle of, 'After all these years, _this_ is what you pick to ask me for permission about?' combined with, 'Do you need me to pay for it? If not, why are we talking about your jewelery? ' You need to tell your boyfriend to get over it. Or you'll start seriously reconsidering your relationship. I mean, if he's this controlling about a bracelet, how many other things does he control that you just go along with to keep the peace?

YourPaleRabbit − Whoah. Ok so this ask made my brain tickle in a weird way, because I think you might literally be my opposite person, BUT the theme that’s running in your struggle is one I’ve dealt with a lot in my past. So I’m going to try to explain the parallels between our experiences, to see if perspective from the opposite side maybe helps make things more clear than the opinions of people who exist closer to you.

ADVERTISEMENT

Ok so I’m a tattoo artist, and I wear a permanent necklace given to me by my boyfriend. I wanted a necklace like this for many many years but never kept one before. And the reason WHY is what’s similar to your story. It has to do with earned trust and desired ownership. So as a tattoo enthusiast, before I ever joined the industry, or opened my shop, I already had friendship tattoos with people.

Some of them I’m not in contact with anymore. But to me my body is a map of my life, and these are people who influenced me so positively in my growth as a person, that I knew even if things went south I’d still look at the tattoo and remember the best parts. I’m comfy with that. I love the reminder, I love the bond. When I see them I’m happy.

That’s (I’m assuming) what your bracelet is to you. It’s something that ties you to your friends even when you’re not together. It’s like a promise. Now, I had an ex who sounds a lot like yours. He was my first long-term relationship. From moment one he hated that I had those tattoos.

ADVERTISEMENT

No matter how many times I tried to explain why I loved them, or what they meant to me, he was allllllwayssss jealous. Like there was some hierarchy of “importance” he should be shifted to the top of the moment we got serious together. I made a million excuses for him.

He was just “insecure because of his past”, or “he didn’t understand because I was his best friend” etc etc. in my version of this story I folded, and added something to my body for him (locking necklace #1); in your version of the story you folding is removing your bracelet. But this is how it went..

He got me the locking necklace and I was so happy. It’s basically like a weird-chick-promise-ring (as my sister put it). I’d always wanted one, like I said; but mostly I was happy because I was SO sure it would give him the reassurance he needed to know how important he was to me. For a while he was (seemingly) way more comfortable.

ADVERTISEMENT

Until he had to go out of town for a while. Then he was insecure about my friendships, my tattoos, my friends that are basically family, my room mates, literally EVERYTHING. And it was WORSE than it was before. I ended up trying to take a step back just to care for myself, because I was running myself ragged trying to make him happy long distance and was literally physically getting sick from the stress of it.

And then he went nuclear. He blew up on me. It turned out he thought I couldn’t make decisions for myself like that, because he felt he OWNED me. And the minute I broke that illusion by putting myself and my happiness first, he didn’t want me anymore. Over the course of ONE day he went from “I need you” to LITERALLY burning everything I had ever given him.

Luckily I lived with a room mate who was a locksmith, who removed the necklace for me. Fast forward 7-ish years. I’ve grown and learned a lot about myself and other people. And I’ve realized one of the most underrated red flags in men comes out in situations like this; it’s little insecurities that show you they don’t respect YOUR friends/happiness/feelings/wants as equal to theirs.

ADVERTISEMENT

It shows that there’s a specific box in their mind they want you to live inside, and when you take a step out they can’t cope with it. Your boyfriend has decided a hierarchy of who should be important to you, which includes only him and your family. Why he doesn’t include your friends could be anything from the fact that they encourage your independence, to that they’re a reminder of how you existed before him and could keep existing after him.

Either way it’s stripping you of something very important to you as a person. And if he can’t love you as your whole self and trust you not under his constant watch; it’ll always be something wrong. It’s not fair to you. NOW I am in the happiest healthiest relationship of my life. I’ve never felt the kind of security/sureness I have now.

I have my dream locking necklace, and this time it’s not a territory marker as much as it is a keepsake that makes me feel close to him as he’s out of town frequently. He also tattoos and is helping ADD to my friendship tattoo collection. And every decision we make about our future together comes with consideration for “my girls”.

ADVERTISEMENT

There was a whole conversation surrounding us moving in together, about how my room mates are doing mentally and when would be the best time for everyone. Because he wants me to have my whole support network always. He wants his own relationships with my friends. So just… yeah.

Take my anecdotal experience into consideration. Try to figure out WHY the bracelet makes him insecure, and don’t settle for him trying to gaslight you in to believing it’s just because it’s “weird”. It’s not. If I were in your position my current partner would be figuring out which jewelry shop would handle fixing my bracelet for me the best, knowing that it’s important to me.

Your partner doesn’t need to understand WHY certain things are important to you, so much as they just need to understand that they are; and should support whatever it is simply because they want your happiness. Don’t settle.. Sorry for the wall of text if anyone reads this.

ADVERTISEMENT

YourRAResource − To back up for full disclosure, I'm a guy and I'm happily married. I'm not really a tattoo person in general (but not anti-them), or a permanent jewelry person (which I've literally never heard of). I'll likely never get either, which is mostly because I have no idea what I should get. My wife has one tattoo with plans to get another related to our children. Great.

I personally wouldn't, but that makes her happy (and also, who am I to get upset about her literally celebrating our children, who she loves). I say this to let you know who's responding to you. The problem is, anecdotes won't be helpful. Everyone's preferences are their own. I will, however, give an opinion. His issue isn't with tattoos or permanent jewelry; it's with them not being about him.

If this was about a preferred aesthetic, even though it still wouldn't matter, we could at least understand it. But that's not the case here. It's specifically about your friends. Your best friends might as well be family. The bracelet quite literally adds no 'weight' to how you treat him. Meaning, who gives a f**k? There's nothing to be bothered about. If you want it, wear it. You decide that, no one else. Good luck.

ADVERTISEMENT

These Reddit roars are fiery, but do they offer the best path forward? Is the bracelet worth the fight, or is the real issue her boyfriend’s mindset?

This woman’s bracelet, a delicate thread to her friends, has exposed a tangle of control in her relationship. Her boyfriend’s demands challenge her autonomy, leaving her at a crossroads: reclaim her choice or yield to keep peace. How do you stand firm when love feels like a leash? Share your thoughts below—have you faced a partner’s push to change something meaningful to you, or navigated the line between love and independence?

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *