I (23F) stopped relying on my husband (25M) and I think it’s making things worse. Advice?
Imagine this: I’m 23F, juggling life with my husband (25M) and our kid, and I’m drowning. Two years of begging him to pitch in—chores, parenting, anything—go nowhere. He hates my nudges, so we strike a deal: I stop asking, he steps up. I hold up my end; he doesn’t. Kitchen’s a pigsty—mold, crumbs, dishes piled high—while I cook, clean, and bedtime solo.
He naps. Tonight, a rare “movie night” promise fizzles—he skips cleaning, watches YouTube, and crashes. I’m crushed, doing it all, and losing respect. He says I don’t “treat him like a man.” AITA for going it alone?
‘I (23F) stopped relying on my husband (25M) and I think it’s making things worse. Advice?’
The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!
This isn’t just a messy kitchen—it’s a marriage fraying. My husband’s slacking’s chronic; my solo act’s a survival tweak. Dr. John Gottman flags contempt as a marriage killer (from The Seven Principles): I’m teetering there, seeing him as a kid, not a partner. His “I’ll do it tomorrow” flops—75% of couples cite chore wars as tension spikes (APA, 2023). I stopped relying on him to honor our deal, but it’s backfired: he’s comfy, I’m spent.
The crux? He wants respect without earning it—classic weaponized incompetence. I could’ve pushed harder, but two months of filth taught me he won’t budge. Postpartum’s not the vibe; laziness is. Fix? Confront or cut—counseling or split. I’m modeling grit for our kid, but at what cost? Readers, am I the jerk for detaching, or is he for ditching?
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
Reddit’s unanimous: I’m not the asshole. They’re livid—he’s a “second child,” dumping life on me while whining. Movie night’s flop? A gut punch they feel too. Most scream divorce—why carry dead weight?—some say he’s checked out, maybe cheating. They urge: drop him, save my soul, and show my kid real partnership. No mercy here.
So, AITA? I quit counting on him, and it’s a heavier load—heartbreak’s the bonus. He’s mad I don’t “man” him up, but where’s his spine? I could apologize, beg again, but why—two years say he won’t shift. If your spouse bailed on promises, leaving you solo, would you grit it out or get out? Spill it—let’s unpack this sink full of woes!
For those who want to read the sequel: [UPDATE] I (23F) stopped relying on my husband (25M) and I think it’s making things worse. Advice?
I am just so sorry that you are dragging that anchor around with you. Best of luck.
Had the same issue early on…we celebrated our 40th anniversary last year> It would not have happened if I couldn’t get help. I had 1 child from a previous marriage and we had one together, both of us pipefitters working full time. He will never be a “jump up and do it” kinda man, but he takes the responsibility seriously. Right now, at 69 and 70 years old, I do most of the cooking and he cleans the kitchen, not every day but when I need “cooking room” he gets it done quickly. In the beginning I had to actually hire a housekeeper{he hates spending money “needlessly”}It was expensive, especially when we were already paying for day care for our son. When money got tight he saw the light: no more cruises, trips to the casino, filet and lobster dinners….I have always hated “bugging/nagging” him to do what is his responsibility as much as mine. this old horse pucky about a womas work never gets said in my house, upon threat of catastrophe. If u can’t afford the housekeeper thing, it takes awhile for them to see the need, try stopping cooking dinner or laundry, something he can’t live without…if nothing works you have a selfish, entitled b..ard, chuck him….lol