My [25F] boyfriend [25M] had a crush on a girl [25F]. Girl moved away, boyfriend and I started dating, girl is moving back, I’m nervous and insecure?

In a lively friend group, a woman feels her stomach churn as news lands: her boyfriend’s magnetic friend Reena, once the object of his ardent crush, is moving back to town. After two years of a solid relationship, old insecurities bubble up, casting shadows over her trust.

This Reddit user’s candid confession, laced with nerves and self-doubt, pulls us into a relatable tangle of love and fear. Her story, set against the return of a charismatic rival, invites us to wrestle with the question: how do you hold steady when the past walks back into your present?

‘My [25F] boyfriend [25M] had a crush on a girl [25F]. Girl moved away, boyfriend and I started dating, girl is moving back, I’m nervous and insecure?’

My boyfriend of 2 years, Harry, is really close friends with this girl 'Reena'. Okay so, Harry is a catch. Good looking, smart, funny, really sweet, outgoing, all of that. Reena is the exact same. They both are loved by honestly everyone they meet. Harry used to say Reena was 'basically the female version of me'.

I was friends with Harry before we started dating (and knew of Reena but never talked to her). Harry made it really obvious he liked Reena. He said that he was basically just waiting for her to say yes to him so they could date. He would go on and on about how pretty, smart, funny, interesting, etc. she is.

Reena rejected him but always jokingly and made it seem like 'one day we'll be together, but not now'. Even their families wanted them together but Reena wasn't interested because she thought Harry was too good of a friend to risk losing in case the relationship went bad. We all lived in the area and 2 years ago, Reena moved from our area to the other side of the country for work.

She had a going away party that I was invited to. The whole time, Reena and Harry were attached at the hip and acted like a couple even though they weren't. Then Reena moved across country. Me and Harry didn't become a couple until a few months after Reena left. We started talking and had a ton in common, so we started dating.

We've been together for about a year and a half and things are really good with us. Monday I was at Harry's place when he told me that Reena just called him and said she's coming back home soon and wanted to meet up with him. My heart dropped. He seemed excited to see her again and said he missed her.

I've been feeling honest to god anxiety for the past few days. Harry had the biggest crush on this girl and she's prettier, smarter, more funny, more interesting, etc. than me. When she comes back, what if she decides she wants Harry for herself? How would Harry react if I said I didn't want them being friends anymore? I can tell certain people in our group are interested to see what happens when Reena comes back because everyone knows their history.

They kept in touch while she was gone, but Harry's been a really good boyfriend and treated me well so I thought it was fine. I feel really nervous right now and don't know how to handle things...**tl;dr: Boyfriend had a huge crush on a girl before we started dating. Girl moved away. We started dating. Girl is coming back. Feeling sick-to-my-stomach nervous.**

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Insecurity can turn a solid relationship into a house of cards, especially when a past crush reenters the scene. This woman’s anxiety about Reena’s return reflects a natural fear of losing what’s precious. Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Trust thrives on open communication… addressing fears directly strengthens bonds” (Psychology Today). Her boyfriend’s excitement to reconnect with Reena, while innocent, amplifies her doubts, especially given their history.

The couple’s two-year relationship, built on shared interests, faces a test: 30% of couples report jealousy as a major stressor (Pew Research). Her impulse to ban their friendship risks resentment, as Reddit warns, but ignoring her feelings could erode trust. His good behavior so far suggests loyalty, but her self-comparison to Reena fuels a cycle of doubt.

Heitler advises a calm talk, expressing fears without ultimatums, to gauge his commitment. Couples therapy could help them navigate boundaries, while readers might try affirmations to boost self-worth.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit crew jumped in with empathy and tough love, mixing reassurance with reality checks. Here’s their unfiltered take:

readyforsomething − Harry had the biggest crush on this girl and she's prettier, smarter, more funny, more interesting, etc. than me.. Have confidence in yourself and your relationship.. When she comes back, what if she decides she wants Harry for herself? Doesn't matter what she wants. Harry is with you. If he leaves you for her there is very little if anything you could have done to prevent it anyway..

How would Harry react if I said I didn't want them being friends anymore? Not well, especially since right now you don't have any reason to make such a request other than your own insecurities. Don't get me wrong, I know where you're coming from and jealously is fairly natural for most people.

But if you let this situation affect your confidence in yourself and your relationship we're getting into self-fulfilling prophecy territory. If your bf of two years leaves you becauses someone you think is better than you comes around then he wasn't right for you and you can do way better than him.

Fitzwilliger − I'm stuck. On the one hand, I think it's fair to say 'Hey, I'm not really comfortable with you having a friendship with Reena. She's always been 'the one who got away' for you, and I'm just not comfortable with this.'

On the other hand, I think if he's the kind of guy who won't set appropriate boundaries himself going in, he's the kind of guy you shouldn't be dating anyway. So I guess what I'd do in your shoes is observe how he behaves with her, and if it's inappropriate, I'd go find a guy who'd put me first.

Professor_Peacock − I think it would be totally fine to sit him down and say, 'I know you love me, but I'm feeling a little insecure right now though because I know you used to have a crush on her. Are we okay? I really just need you to reassure me your feelings for her are in the past, and that will help me stop worrying. I would like to get to know her too and am hoping we will all be friends.'

Be open to hearing his reassurances and trusting that you two are committed. Assume the best about him and your relationship. Now, if he gets weird, defensive, or starts crossing boundaries, you will have to reassess but until then, be confident in the relationship the two of you have built together. Good luck, OP!

serenamasked − A crush is a lot different than love. He loves you. He's in a relationship with you. He's heard you fart and still wants to cuddle with you. If he's willing to leave that kind of intimacy for a mere fantasy, you should know that now. That being said, I don't think it will happen. You said they kept in contact while she was gone. If they were going to get together, they would have before.

If there were any red flags in his relationship with her while you two were dating, you'd have seen it these past 2 years. She isn't going to breeze into town and magically snatch him up out of nowhere. You have a solid relationship. Telling him to break it off will only breed resentment. If they cross any boundary lines, then you can have that discussion. Play it by ear and remember - you're not a consolation prize.

abh0rsen − You should discuss this with Harry, let him know how you are feeling. I've been in his position before and I don't think you telling him that you don't want him to be friends with Reena anymore is going to help the situation. That said, it sounds like there is little enough to worry about.

The other comments are right: crush =/= love and relationships don't last for 2 years without some solid foundation. And if he has been treating you well all this time, it is unlikely that it is suddenly going to change. But seriously, get off reddit and talk to him about it asap

Zenechai − You have to decide who YOU are in this situation. Are you Harry's girlfriend, the woman he loves and wouldn't trade the world for, or are you just Reena's placeholder? And cut the crap about her being better than you and start to see your own worth and value. Your insecurity will cost you a relationship long before anyone else can have the chance to interfere.

These Redditors dish wisdom, but do their words steady her nerves? Love demands trust—can online advice calm this storm of doubt?

This woman’s tale is a vivid reminder that love can spark both joy and fear when the past lingers. Her anxiety about Reena tests her trust, but also her belief in herself. Her story nudges us to face our own insecurities. What would you do if a partner’s old crush reappeared? Share your thoughts—let’s untangle this knot of nerves together.

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