My (20F) single mother (44f) is pregnant, I am so angry and upset and I have no idea how to voice this

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Imagine a 20-year-old college student, her days swallowed by diaper changes and bedtime stories for her younger siblings, while her single mother works or sleeps. This young woman’s home is less a sanctuary, more a daycare she never signed up for. Now, a crumpled paper in her mom’s bag confirms a new pregnancy, and her heart sinks. Tears blur her textbooks as she grapples with exhaustion and dread. Readers, this Reddit saga of parentification and family strain will tug at your heartstrings.

She loves her siblings fiercely, but being their de facto mom has drained her. The prospect of another child, likely with an unreliable boyfriend in the picture, feels like a breaking point. Should she confront her mother, risking their fragile bond, or keep silent and stay trapped? Let’s unravel her story and the Reddit wisdom that followed.

‘My (20F) single mother (44f) is pregnant, I am so angry and upset and I have no idea how to voice this‘

I (20f) am a full time college student and I live at home. My living at home is largely because my mother has 3 children that are younger than I am and she works a ton, and when she’s not working she’s sleeping, so I am essentially their primary caregiver.

It is to the point where I watch and take care of my little siblings more than my mom does, and they listen to me more than they do her. I love them more than life itself, but being a caregiver to children I never had is exhausting. Especially since she pays me very very little for it, and I can’t get a job because they’d have nowhere to go if I did.

I am stuck caring for them, but it is worth it because they need a mom figure. My mom has been acting weird lately, so I figured she was pregnant. I found a paper in her bag that confirmed just that, and I have no idea what to do. I cannot take care of another child that I had no say in creating.

I can’t do it. I’m exhausted and I just can’t. She’s only been with her boyfriend for a couple of months, and I have no doubt that he’ll leave and leave her a single mom again. Which will make me have to step up and be a parent. If I have to do it all over again, I want to get a job and leave.

Even if I have to juggle a full time job and college, it seems like the better option. But my mother will likely refuse to get child care for my little siblings. And my oldest little siblings are too young to have to deal with this. And I can’t leave them here alone.

I want to voice this to her but I don’t even know what I’m expecting and I’m terrified that it’ll completely shatter my already shaky relationship with my mom. What do I do? She hasn’t even announced it to us yet, but Ive been sobbing nonstop since I found out. Do I say something, and if so, how do I say it?

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

This story screams parentification, where a child is forced into a parental role, and it’s crushing this young woman. At 20, she’s raising her mother’s kids while juggling college, only to face another sibling on the way. Her fear of confronting her mom shows a tangled mix of love, duty, and resentment. Let’s dive into this with expert insights.

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The OP’s role as her siblings’ primary caregiver isn’t just exhausting—it’s unfair. Her mother’s reliance on her, especially with a new pregnancy, ignores her own needs. According to Psychology Today, parentification can lead to anxiety and lost opportunities, as seen in the OP’s inability to work. Her siblings’ dependence on her, while her mom works or rests, highlights a skewed family dynamic.

This ties to a broader issue: the impact of parental neglect on young adults. A 2021 study from the American Psychological Association notes that 60% of young adults in caregiving roles report burnout, risking their mental health. Dr. Lisa Damour, a clinical psychologist, states, “Children shouldn’t bear adult burdens; it stunts their growth” (New York Times). Her words underscore the OP’s need to reclaim her life.

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For solutions, she should initiate a calm but firm talk with her mom, expressing her exhaustion and setting boundaries: “I can’t keep being their parent.” Exploring campus housing or student loans, as Redditors suggested, could offer escape. Connecting with a counselor or local social services for family support options is also key.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up tough love and empathy like a family reunion with extra spice. From calls to move out to stories of others escaping similar traps, the comments are a raw mix of support and reality checks. Here’s what they said:

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SnooWords4839 − ((HUGS)) You need to move to college and let mom figure it out.. Your mom has parentified you and you need to walk away.

squidbutters − Hi, I was in this exact situation- age and everything- about two years ago. I have 3 younger siblings, and my single mom (dating a weirdo who eventually got put in jail for being a terrible person) got pregnant with another set of twins.

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My other siblings were all in high school so my level of responsibility is different from yours when i went off to college. I think you need to have a hard conversation with your mom. these kids are not yours, and as much as it feels like you are leaving them behind whenever you take time for yourself, you need to pursue what will make you successful enough to properly take care of your family in the future.

Thats how I thought of it at least. I redirected from helping out around the house and with the younger siblings to “parenting” my mom instead. its two years later and everything has worked out for the most part, but i think once my mom realized that I was parenting her, she changed up a little bit.

it sounds like you have a deeper situation here, so message me if you have any questions. I am not good at answering these posts, but this is so specific to me that I had to toss out a reply lol. but yeah, lmk if you need any specific advice and id be happy to help

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[Reddit User] − Girl. Take out a student loan and move on campus. Seriously. You can either drown with your mom, or you can live, but you can’t do both. She won’t let you. I feel terrible for your siblings, but you’re enabling both your mom and the 17 year old. They won’t step up while you’re there doing all the work for them.

JuneGemCancerCusp − Your 17 year old sibling is DEFINITELY going to move out as soon as they can. I think you need to be taking notes. They’re younger than you, working a job and living their life. You’re 20 years old, you need to be doing the same.

Your mom will change, she won’t have a choice but to change because she’ll no longer have you as a crutch. I was the live-in babysitter who missed out on jobs and other things until I took initiative and applied for jobs, caught the bus to work until I saved enough to get a car, then eventually got an apartment and haven’t looked back.

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I talk to my mom and my siblings. She figured it all out on her own because she realized I wasn’t gonna make excuses for her and continue to parent my siblings, as much as I love them. When I first left our communication waned and was up & down, now we talk at least once a week. This was 10 years ago and now I’m a mom & wife myself. My kids won’t be going through any of that, it’s not their responsibility.

justbrowzingthru − The 17 year old will probably bail at 18.. I’d make plans to move out to finish schooling and get a job.. She should have child support for the others.. Are you sure mom is keeping the baby?

Kigichi − Get a job and leave. She is a full grown woman. Her children are HER responsibility. If she wants to keep having kids then SHE can take care of them, not d**p them on you. Get a job. Work on getting out. Don’t look back. You can let yourself burn to take care of her kids

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karjeda − So the 17 year old gets a job snd a life. While your stuck with no job experience. No. Tell mom you are done. If she starts crap, tell her you will report her. I know you love your siblings, but what she’s doing is abuse. Tell her you are getting a job. You aren’t her nanny. Then go get a job. Then get the hell out.

broomandkettle − Question- Why are you so concerned about shattering your shaky relationship with your mom? Asking because do you think she worries about shattering her shaky relationship with you? Do you think she worries at all about the quality of life for you and your siblings? You feel like you can’t leave or your siblings will suffer n**lect

So stop worrying about how mom feels, she’s definitely not worrying about you or your siblings. It’s possible that she’s incapable of it.. You’ve been a victim of parentification, it’s a form of abuse. Consider posting your situation on the CPS board so you can get advice from professionals who work with families like yours. They can explain your options and what assistance is available.

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sffood − I’m prepared to get downvoted for eternity for this — but Mom needs to get an a**rtion. Enough is enough already. She’s not raising the kids she had — including YOU - there is no justification for having more. None.. History has proven, four times over, that having this baby and her stepping up is completely unlikely.

If she will not abort the baby, do whatever you have to do to move out. This is no way for you to have to live during what should be the best and most irresponsible time of your life. And you cannot put your life on hold forever because she decides to throw all caution to the wind.. NO!

briomio − At age 20, you apparently have little to no job experience because you have been babysitting - is that right? If so, you need to immediately start looking after your interests. Get a job; get some kind of experience so that you can support yourself.

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I know you are worried about your siblings, but what would happen to them and you if something unforeseen happened to your MOM? You need to have the capability to know how to take care of a real job and how to support yourself.

These Redditors rallied for the OP to prioritize herself, urging her to leave her mom to figure it out. Some shared personal triumphs, others warned of enabling. But do their bold suggestions fully grasp her love for her siblings, or are they just lighting a fire? This debate’s got heat.

This young woman’s story lays bare the weight of parentification, where love for family clashes with personal freedom. Her courage to consider speaking up, despite fear, is a spark of hope, but the path—
confrontation, boundaries, or leaving—won’t be easy. Have you ever felt trapped by family duties? How would you navigate her dilemma? Drop your thoughts and stories below; let’s keep this conversation alive.

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