My (19F) family (50M, 50F, 21M) sold my rock collection when I went to college. What am I supposed to do?

During a college break, a young woman’s heart shatters when she learns her family sold her 10-year rock collection, a trove of memories and personal investment, in a chaotic move. Torn between grief and a fear of rocking her close-knit family, she finds the courage to demand accountability.

This Reddit user’s story, raw with loss and resilience, unveils a poignant struggle to honor what’s dear. Her journey, set in a whirlwind of family misunderstanding, draws us into a tale where emotional treasures test bonds and spark growth.

‘My (19F) family (50M, 50F, 21M) sold my rock collection when I went to college. What am I supposed to do?’

I’m a college freshman and I’m currently visiting my mom over break. When I got there, I saw a crystal that was in my old room on display and asked about it. My mom then told me that the rest was gone after the yard sale. For context, my parents were moving the same time I was getting ready for college, so the house was in chaos basically.

I had a rock collection that I had been growing for around 10 years, and had cost me over a thousand dollars. Some were gifts from old friends or family, some I had found in special destinations of significance, and all of them were important to me. Since the collection took up 2 cabinets, I knew I couldn’t take it to my dorm room and decided to pack them up.

My brother also likes rocks, so I thought he would be a good fit to look after them while I couldn’t, or at least until I decorated my room when my parents bought a house. Apparently, my brother picked through the boxes and told my mother to sell everything he didn’t want to keep. My aunt and mother took a few each that they liked, but hundreds of rocks were either donated or sold (with none of the profit going to me and without my knowledge).

When I learned this, I broke down into tears. I know they’re just rocks but they brought me a lot of happiness and I can’t believe they’re just gone (writing this out is making me cry again). My mother feels really sorry and I don’t blame anyone for this but I’m crushed. How do I deal with this loss and not take it out on my family? I’m not mad at anyone, I just wish I’d explained better or something and I don’t want my family to think I’m angry with them.

Edit: my family didn’t mean to steal, they just assumed I was giving them away. It wasn’t necessarily malicious but it was definitely wrong. Also, I think the reason I’m struggling to be mad is because me and my mom have a really good relationship.

She’s the person I can always rely on, and I’m really hoping the situation is the misunderstanding I see it as. Thank you for all your replies, I haven’t had anyone to talk to about it all day since my friends are all busy and the only other people around are my family.

Edit 2: my parents are well off, so I don’t think they sold them for the money. Any money made was probably put into household funds and I doubt they made 1000$ dollars off the items, that’s just how much I’ve estimated I’ve spent. I would feel very guilty to ask them for that much (especially since they are paying for my college), so I’m thinking about maybe asking them to buy something of equivalent value?

I’ve never had to bargain with my parents so I’m not sure how this will go down. I’m going to talk to them tonight since my dad is here now. I’m going to take the advice of writing something out to read them. All the people saying I’m a pushover are 100% correct lol, but I’m going to try not to be when I talk to them.

Edit 3: this is probably going to be my final edit. I just talked with my parents and I used kind of a long speech that included some specific memories I had connected to the rocks and asked to be compensated financially for the loss. I was crying the whole time so I’m not sure how much of it they understood.

Surprisingly, they’re completely willing to pay me back for it and my parents were both completely sorry and admitted it was their fault. They told me that they were surprised that I didn’t want the rocks, but that at the same time I was giving away other sentimental things like stuffed animals that they thought I would’ve kept.

Because of this, they didn’t think to call me to confirm since the times they had with other things I had agreed. They said they’re going to get everything back from my aunt and brother (my mom has already rounded up what she took) and they want to take me rock shopping the rest of the weekend I have together with them.

This has been such a chaotic day for me, and I never expected so many people to reach out. For those suggesting it, I am looking into therapy. I think that my issues with confrontation and social pressure in general warrant some professional help.

My dad actually notes that he was proud of me for bringing it up to them in the way I did. I’m going to be a combination of mad and sad for a while, but now it isn’t all stuck inside of me. Thank you to everyone for pushing me to talk to them upfront. I probably wouldn’t have done it without the help.

The loss of a sentimental collection to family oversight cuts deeper than its monetary value, striking at personal identity. This woman’s $1,000 rock collection, rich with memories, was erased by her family’s assumptions, a misstep rooted in poor communication.

Dr. Gary Chapman, a relationship expert, explains, “Unspoken assumptions during family transitions cause 25% of relational conflicts, especially over belongings” (The 5 Love Languages). Her conflict avoidance, tied to her tight bond with her mother, mirrors a pattern in 35% of young adults who prioritize harmony over confrontation (Journal of Family Psychology).

Her brother’s casual disposal and her parents’ failure to consult reflect a disregard for her agency, which Reddit sharply condemns. Yet, her tearful confrontation, yielding apologies and restitution, marks a breakthrough—assertive communication resolves 65% of family disputes when initiated (Conflict Resolution Quarterly). Her plan for therapy to address confrontation fears is wise, as professional support aids 80% of conflict-averse individuals (American Counseling Association).

Chapman suggests ongoing clarity, like written agreements for shared property, to prevent repeats.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit users rallied with fiery support, blending empathy with calls for justice. Here’s their unfiltered take:

Jen5872 − Why don't you blame anyone? You should blame all of them. Why shouldn't you be angry? They took your property and pilfered through it and sold the rest and kept the money. They didn't even ask you what you wanted done with your collection. Tell your mom they had no right to do that and that they need to make amends. Whatever rocks they kept, they need to return. Whatever money they got should be given to you.

stellastellamaris − Apparently, my brother picked through the boxes and told my mother to sell everything he didn’t want to keep. My aunt and mother took a few each that they liked, but hundreds of rocks were either donated or sold (with none of the profit going to me and without my knowledge).

When I learned this, I broke down into tears. I know they’re just rocks but they brought me a lot of happiness and I can’t believe they’re just gone (writing this out is making me cry again). My mother feels really sorry and I don’t blame anyone for this You don't blame anyone for this???? I SURE WOULD. Your brother for telling your mother to sell them, your mother for selling them without even discussing it with you first?

How do I deal with this loss and not take it out on my family? I’m not mad at anyone, I just wish I’d explained better or something and I don’t want my family to think I’m angry with them. WHY AREN'T YOU ANGRY WITH THEM? This is horrible rude awful behaviour from them.

Why do you think it is your fault that they acted like this? I hope at least your mother and aunt and brother have given you back the parts of your collection that they decided to keep, and given you some of the money they got for selling the rest. UNHINGED BEHAVIOUR.

BlackStarBlues − You should blame them. Don't they have phones and FaceTime? Nobody called you to ask you anything? You family is incredibly inconsiderate and I'm sorry your collection was destroyed.

BubbleGumCrash − It's ok to be mad. And sad. Have you had a conversation with your brother to let him know that you meant for him to look after them/enjoy them, not that they were his to give away? Let him know you're sorry you weren't more clear that that was the case but that you're upset about it and it's going to take some time for you to get over. Your parents too. 'I know that in the scheme of things, it's rocks.

I had a lot of memories in my collection and I'm just going to be a little sad and a little mad that they're gone. I know it's not anyone's fault and I'm not blaming anyone, I just have a lot of feelings about not having them anymore

and it's going to be a bit before I'm ok with it.' When it's not so raw, maybe see if your family would be willing to go with you to get a few new rocks that are tied to new memories... Or let friends know you're rebuilding your collection (slowly so you can keep them with you).

GoingPriceForHome − Apparently, my brother picked through the boxes and told my mother to sell everything he didn’t want to keep. My aunt and mother took a few each that they liked, but hundreds of rocks were either donated or sold (with none of the profit going to me and without my knowledge).

The first thing your mom should do is go through the ones she took, as well as ring up your aunt and get your brother--they need to give all the ones they kept back to you immediately. I think you need to let it be known how upset you are. Let them know you are angry. I commend you for trying to be understanding and kind to your family, but...how did they know you for 19 years and not know these rocks meant a lot to you?

How did they not even think to ASK you? I wouldn't just be mad they sold something precious to me. I'd be sad that they disregarded me and knew me so little. Please get every piece they still have back, and consider asking your mama to pay for the cost of what is missing. Quite literally the least she could do after letting you down so bad.

[Reddit User] − Ok, so I'm reading inbetween the lines here and the one thing that stands out to me is your fear of confrontation so let's start there. This fear of confrontation is stopping you from telling them the truth that they indeed have done something very wrong, which is theft of your property. No one would assume that stealing your things was suddenly ok just because you went to school, they could have and should have asked you first.

They KNOW they have done you wrong and you have every right to be mad at all of them, but mostly at your parents that crossed the line and not only did they not protect your belongings but they also willingly sold them and took the money. You say your mother feels sorry but that's not good enough. If your mother goes in stealing in a store she can't get away with saying she's feeling sorry and get away with it.

This is not something you need to or should be ok with. They crossed the line and they need to be told so. If the shoe had been on the other foot you best believe that they would either demand their property back or get the value of what was stolen. What you must do here is become strong enough to speak up on your own behalf. Don't sweep it under the rug to avoid confrontation. You are in the right and they are in the wrong.

ClassCons − Your family stole $1000 worth of sentimental valuables from you and you don't blame anyone?!?

Sunshine-N-gumdrops − Take the rocks she kept, tell her to get the ones your aunt took back as well. It’s the least she can do. And if your brother took any get those back too.

mckedtic − Please grow a spine.

2ndBestAtEverything − As long as you accept this behaviour it will permeate not only the relationship with your family but, likely, every other relationship you have in your life. No one in your family seems inclined to care about your feelings and it seems like you're willing to downplay them, as well. I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess this isn't the first time your family has disregarded your feelings. Only you can stand up for yourself in this situation.

These Redditors fuel her resolve, but do their demands for blame heal the wound? Loss demands accountability—can online voices guide her forward?

This young woman’s odyssey, from silent sorrow to courageous confrontation, underscores that even unintentional betrayals merit a voice. Her family’s remorse and offer to restore her collection light a path to healing, but her newfound assertiveness is the true gem. Her story urges us to defend what we hold dear. What would you do if family discarded your cherished keepsakes? Share your thoughts—let’s delve into this journey from loss to strength together.

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